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My kids' dad only paid one year of child support for our two daughters (before the divorce papers were signed), because the mediator we used for the divorce felt that in a 50/50 custody arrangement, our expenses canceled each other out. (This, even though I hadn't been employed since our first child was born, my chances of getting a reasonable, well-paying job in my profession were very slim, and he had a good full-time income.)

Fast forward 10 years. Our older daughter is living with me full-time since April. At the time, I assumed that by summertime she would have calmed down about her dad and stepmom enough to stay over at their house sometimes during the summer, and I couldn't figure out a way to approach the question of "fair" child support if she had a random custody schedule, so I let it go.

One month ago, after her being here every single night since April 22, I emailed him asking him for $200 a month. Two days later I get an "I'll get back to you" email.

Last week I finally emailed him again, twice, saying ok what's the deal... and I got a firm "no" back.

#$$%^#@^%*#$(#@@!

I counted up the number of "child support years" this man would have had to pay, had my parents not generously agreed to help support me and HIS children... They figured that they had plenty of money, we wanted the divorce to be mediated and cooperative for the sake of the children, and any money he wasn't paying me would be available for the girls at his house anyway, so ok.

He has paid a total of TWO out of a total of 24 "child support years", ONLY based on the 50/50 arrangement. He was paying for her car insurance since January till she used her vehicle to run away from his house on a Jewish holiday (no driving allowed), so he canceled her insurance as punishment, so I've had to pick that up (and I'm the one who bought her the car.) He has saved on all that since April plus all the normal day to day expenses he would have had for her had she continued to live with him half time.

And now that she's with me full time, he can't see his way clear to giving me a lousy $200 a month from now till she graduates next June?!? $1600??! I pointed out to him that if I went down to the county courthouse tomorrow with an affadavit saying she had been in my full physical custody since April 22, they would start garnisheeing his wages at **25%** (over $200!) AND get me child support back to April!



Ungrateful SOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Refusing to pay child support burns me up. For any and all reasons. Dammit it's not the childs fault and not paying is making it the childs problem. A problem which will be carried with that child forever, known or unknown to the child they will use the lessons learned from it in their own lives and in their own relationships.

Coming from someone who doesn't get child support I understand what you're going through. Whether the divorce was mediated or not, you are entitled to have the court review and modify the divorce reflecting the recent changes.

You are not being unreasonable. Do what you have to. It's hard enough to raise children let alone pay for everything. They become more expensive the older they get. I'll take the baby formula and diapers any day!

Oh damn...I've got to ride the other side of the fence on this one. I have my kids 50/50 right down the middle. I have an ex wife that wouldn't work in a pie shop, and I DO PAY CHILD SUPPORT. I buy most of their clothes, all of their shoes, haircuts, pay for club activities and football, baseball, wrestling, calculators, computers...whatever comes down the pipe. When they go to the Dr., she's got her hand out looking for half of the co-payment. LMAO If the kids are spending half of their time with DAD, you should be responsible for the time they are with you. Cut and dry. If your child is with you, and you want Child Support...go get it from the court, they will make sure you get it.

Deadbeat parents...I don't get it. i support my child with 25% of what I get. I am honored to do that and she is my responsibility. Though she lives in ireland with her Mum, and I can only afford to see her once a year, there is not a week that goes by, that I don't call her At least 2-3 times. i don't need a reason or special occassion to send my child a card with a little note enclosed, photos,affimation ribbons, etc. My x has full custody and will not bring her over unless I sell my house and land and give her half, neither of which was aquired during our marriage and was bought with my money not hers. The house and land is my daughter's inheritance. Trying to be the best long distance Dad I can be, I realize my child suffers from not having a physical, present Dad in her life.
My prayer is that when she gets old enough, she will want to come over. I keep a special account which is enough for her Mum and her airfare...and I have an Educ. Ira which I opened for her 6=7 yrs ago...anyhow I ramble.

some states just need to catch the tax refund checks.and forward the entire amount minus the cost of electronic filing... I mean if those that prepare taxes cannot get paid due to this childsupport issue its a problem, bu tthe actually refund of both state and federal government should be witheld and then transfer to the children... trick is do not close the door until those jackasses are in the barn.

I agree 100%. If a man has his children 50/50 that's how it should be. I've worked in the law field for 11 years and started out in family law. I've seen how woman can manipulate and use men where the children are concerned. Not all do, but the ones who want to "screw him over" are the ones that made me sick. I respect any man who takes on his children more that just his visitation. Kids don't care about the child support, they care about the time the absent parent spends with them and if they remember the simple things.

I've never denied visitation to their fathers based upon payment of child support. That's a separate issue in the eyes of the courts and in mine. My kids don't care about the money, they just know Dad didn't send the birthday card or call them. Their hearts aren't destroyed over the dollar bill, they're destroyed over no communication, love, or affection.

I respect you Plains and keep up the good work!

My respect isn't just given to Plains, it's to ALL those fathers that go the extra mile for their children. Thank you!

Thanks for the kudos. My boys are not a burden, never have been. Money is an issue that need not concern them. I want them grow up and remember the times that they had fishing with Dad, because someday the day may come that I can't take myself, and I hope they will remember and take ME. Someday they will have kids and they will know how to treat their children.....how it feels to know that DAD is the MAN. I am not always their buddy, sometimes I have to be DAD and make unpopular decisions, based on the life lesson that I am trying to impart. Child Support, NO, I shouldn't have to pay it, but I do have to pay it. I would rather just do it and they know I do. They won't look back in anger because DAD wasn't shit, or dad and mom just argued all the time, blah, blah, blah...I'll get down off my soap box now.

Just one more thing...I am not court ordered to pay anything. never been to court on it...I do it because I love my child and as I say, she is my responsibility regardless of the circumstances.

see, now THAT makes sense.

Not this "the phisophical underpinnings of my parenting relationship with her stem from [her living at my house]."


What c**p!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is his child, and his financial responsibility till she graduates, no matter where she lives!!

YOU are a wonderful father. She will appreciate what you've done. One less child in the world to wonder if Dad gave a SH**!

And he NEEDS to take care of her! That simple!

To be a good Father to our children when they are needing material things. To be a good Dad for our decisions when they are needing guidance.

Being a Long Distance Dad has got to be hard on everyone.

They are still your kid even after you divorce their mother. Just because you and her could not get along is no reason not to show that you still love the child. Chromazonial half of that child is yours regardless what the courts say. It is what is best for the child or children that should count. That way even if you don't get custodial rights and the child tries to contact you later you can show that you did and do care about the child's welfare. I am glad that mine has been paid.

"She is his child, and his financial responsibility till she graduates, no matter where she lives!!"

So his financial responsibility should be impuned whether he's wanting to be a good dad or not? Whether it's his "responsibility" to be involved in her life or not is irrelevant? But he should damn sure PAY? There are many instances where DAD gets robbed of all his "responsibilities" other than that beloved Child Support Check. Sure, there are many schleps that have no business raising a kid, but there are many that just want to do the right thing. Momma just wants that check on the first. I'm in no way implying that "Momma" is you, but you know she's out there...in the thousands.....

Thank you, sometimes we who are not with our children...and she is my only child, need to hear kind words.

You are the kind of parent that we wish all were. My hats off to you.
Kat

I only wish my children had a father like you!!! You make an effort to bridge the distance and keep your ties close. All my kids father does is send the check which he only does because the military makes him do it, no birthday cards no phone calls he hasn't seen them in 5 years and only made 3 trips throughout thier lives to visit with them ( they are 14 and 13 ) and in this case its only a matter of provinces apart not an ocean the military will give him a free flight each year to come and see them. I think you are great and I wish there were more Dad's like you in this world!!

Child support has always been a burr in the butt for me as well. I have written off THOUSANDS of $$$$ for my ex because I didnt feel he should pay support. he didnt see the kids (his choice, not mine the jackass) When he did take it upon himself to finally see them a year or so ago, I did expect some sharing of that. (and for the record, he only saw them so he could sneak blood tests, i didnt cheat but he did so his reasoning for this was pure stupidity) For all the years before i got a HUGE $144.00 a month for 2 of my kids (72.00 per), nothing for the oldest. It wasnt the dollar amount really, it pissed me off far me he didnt want to share in his kids lives. my oldest i did finally get some support for when she was 16...again i didnt expect anything, but it did help out. these kids pretty much always lived me 24/7 365. now i get 33.23 a month from one and 5.54 from the other. a MONTH...i dont see why they bother to cut me a check really. this amount has changed constantly over the years, so i never knew what to expect or when. men like Burt should be the norm...not so much even the money contributions to their lives, but that time spent. if my ex was poor and couldnt pay a dime, but was a good father and spent time with his kids...that would have been enough in my eyes. there is NO amount of child support that will ever get those years back nor make these kids have respect for their Dad...he lost out and thats forever.