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Eating humble pie is worth every bite when it comes to my baby. He crossed a line this evening though so the reactions may yet to be seen.

I am a simple man but right now I'm mad

I'll bring the leather and tequila out of hiding but only if I have to. I have to think of my health and what it would do to her if I got my ass kicked because my body said no Mike you can't fight like this anymore.

Thanks Layla

Although I am concerned I also know that the ex wouldn't let any harm come to her. I have to believe that right now.

Ya Mach, Biting the tongue and letting go. Not an easy thing to do sometimes

I see it more like walking a very thin line slider. I commend you for getting the help you needed to get you through what must have been a hard time. My ex is a good mommy also and that does help.

Thank you me2. I appreciate your kind words and input coming from a grandma. It is hard

Going over the top Skippy would have happened in a heartbeat 20 years ago but that guy died along with his body after the second brain injury. I congratulate you for keeping a level head and doing what you had to do to get through your situation.

Been divorced for many years from my daughters mom and I have been through the same thing.

1. Never put your child on the phone or in charge of making or understanding any rules. That grownup stuff and not her job.

2. "I do not want to get involved" you are involved its your daughter and in fact get more involved by setting up the rules in advance so no miss understanding can happen and the BF can't get involved and start making any rules.

3. "I completely understand that she is living under a different set of rules” you and your ex should have the same rules made by you two in both houses and stick to them. Once aging keeping the bf out of the picture and not allowing him to surprise anyone with new or made up rules. If he is living with her she should consider him while establishing these rules, that’s her job not yours.

4. "So my question is where is the line?" the line is drawn by you and your ex and no one else. By being proactive no one else can get involve, hence no surprises and you are in control of your daughters wellbeing and she experience stability the one of the most needed things for all children.

5. By being proactive there is no hope necessary you know what is going on and anyone steps out of the agreement between you and your ex you know what to do.

About 3 yrs ago my ex's bf spanked my 10 yr old. Me and my ex have an agreement "we do not spanked our daughters" He stepped outside the rules I was in his face in less than an 15 min after finding out and when the police came they arrested him and got him on child endangerment. Needles to say he was gone right after that.

If she will not work with you on this and hopefully she will as it is best for all especial and above all your daughter.

Good luck brother

Thanks Ron, All great advice!

Hi Mike,

I didn't see you put your daughter's age down anywhere. Here's my input. Ron has a great advice on it.
First, what time have you and miss ex. agreed on a time for the child to return to her moms
Second, What time do the court papers say.
Third, If there is to many problems, does the court have a referee thats helps with advice.
And last, Why not get all of you together and try to talk it out. Figure out the likes and dislikes of all the matters of this.

All the great people on this forum have some of the best advise, even if we don't want to hear it, at least think it out.

this post and the one above it have good advice.

One thing to add.

Your daughters actions show she wants you do do something.

What you do and how you do it will be a lesson she will take with her on her journey to adulthood and will likly be how she deals with situations which may happen to her in the future.

good luck

I just talked to our daughter so I know that she's ok. School went ok today (Another story of course) and she is on her way to church (She has been going more regularly lately). "The man" slept downstairs on the couch last night so it sounds like maybe her mother is putting her foot down so I won't have to.

Her mother knows what I would have done before, and was there for me after the bike wreck, the coma, the hospital. So she understands also what could happen if I got involved.

So I am going to remain calm, stay focussed on loving our daughter, and move forward.

Hey Mike1162
Thats a tough one, I haven't had the pleasure of those head games yet,but my story is different. But I'm from Indiana and had my 16 year emancipated. It's a pretty standard procedure here and it makes alot of sense. He comes and goes when he pleases. Just like us big kids. Something you might want to look in to.

I just went through a divorce, and we made a very detailed parenting plan with exact times that I have my daughter. 8:00 PM Friday night to 8:00 PM Sunday night. If any boyfriends have a problem with that, too God damned bad.

Thanks guys,
We did the court thing, the custody battles, mediators, the whole 9 yards 13 years ago.

So you see this isn't a custody issue, I see our daughter on a regular basis whether it's my weekend or not. this is a control issue on her mothers new boyfriends part. Obviously he won't talk to me because I asked to talk to him last evening. When I go pick her up or drop her off he is hiding in his bedroom.

He will take it out on her mother though, which is something that I do not want to have happen either. She needs and deserves a life also, but when it comes to our daughter like has been stated previously that's between her mother and myself only. If she wants to allow him to control her that's not mine to deal with. What is mine to deal with is our daughter.

I want to stay nuetral (And am trying so very hard to) because she is living in their house. But I'm only going to put up with so much bullshit from this guy before it does get ugly.

She called me this evening and told me something in sticktest confidence that is going to effect the rest of her life no matter which path she chooses.

For the next few days I will be doing some major thinking and when I think I tend to think in type so my words may not not make sense at all times. And please don't ask, All I will say is this changes everything with the exception of my love for her. My baby needs her daddy right now more than ever and I must stay strong.

The choices made now, both hers and mine must be carefully thought out.

Thank you all for just being a part of this community and allowing me the opportunity to sit here with you and think.

A Fathers Thoughts

When it comes to my kids....there is no line. I am their dad and will do everything a dad should do. It does not matter to me if the one who birthed them or any guy she might be with at the time like "Chuckie" disagrees.

They are my kids! My feeling is the only way I could make things worse is if I were to A) stand in the way of good parenting or B) stand by and allow my kids to be subject to bad parenting.

if it is already hard for her, how bad will it have to get for her to have to figure out a way to call you?

Just my feelings...but I think a Dad has to Champion their kids...even when it is hard and/or uncomfortable.

Our kids only get one childhood.

Bourne...i thought your comments were well said on this subject. As a single dad for the most part use the same philosophy. Our children and there needs always come first no matter what the ex's new boyfriend may want. Period.

My blood boils when I read heartfelt fathers grief like this...and yes...we gotta do what's best for our daughters...if I were ever in that situation I would do exactly what you did...which is to tell my girl that if it gets the least bad...call Daddy...ya gota draw a line...I could care less who my wife sleeps with...but I will have no other man raise my daughter.

I too may not be a father Mike,but I am a mother,so there fore a parent and my childerns best intrest has always been of the upmost importance.

It has and never would be a issue in being wayward towards my ex's spouse,his choice's are strickly that,I also know that while my children where visiting with there father she is at hand,and so there fore they all must build a relationship of sorts,however in doing so,my children and her has well do not have to like one another,respect is after all that that is earned,not just given for free,but compromise is nessacary.However the father and I are the parents,outside views are welcome,but the final outcome is the father and myselves final call.

I personally Mike think,I too have in the past had to do so,is simple this,to have a talk with him in private,old school way,its as simple as thats it,thats all,and for every wrong choice there is a price,does he really wanna pay that price,I think not.

We are after all bears looking out for there cubs.....

Thanks everyone for the advice. I am from the old school and want to go have that "Discussion" with Chuckie however I believe there is a better way, a non violent way, a way that would teach my daughter the correct way of handeling things instead of blowing up and getting violent. This world sees enough violence.

She is being subject to verbal abuse on a daily basis from her mother because of the chuckie situation. Her mother has been good too our daughter I'm not going to argue that. However chuckie has come into the picture now and it just seems that he has taken control of everything. If I was to walk in there and put the boots to chuckie that would only serve as the wrong lesson to teach our daughter. So Dad has to think before he acts for his daughters sake.

Kids are delicate creatures and at the age of 13 she is more vulnerable than she knows so the decisions have to be correct.

She has called me twice today so our communication lines are wide open and she definately needs that.

20 years and at least one brain injury ago chuckie and I would of had that "Discussion" by now. But the times they have changed.