Thread:

Available...but...Taken...

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CS Lounge (misc.)
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Available...but...Taken...

Florida matchmaking
carebear01
Mt. Dora, Florida USA
Posted: Oct 2, 2006, 6:32 PM CST
In response to:
Thanks Carebear...but i'm trying to find out if its wrong to "move on" and put yourself back into meeting people and dating when you heart is still engaged somewhere else...
Oh...

I would have to say yes. If your heart is still
with someone else. How can you fully give your
heart to someone new. I believe many have had
someone that holds a special place in their hearts.
The question is, how much of it does that person
possess? Too much to start something new? I don't
know.dunno
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AdventureBegins
Zanesville USA
Posted: Oct 2, 2006, 6:33 PM CST
In response to:
But is it fair to the next person you meet...or are you being fair to the other women who are interested in you?...because you know in your heart you are still "carrying the torch" for someone else, whether the feeling was returned or not...
I will cherish that passed love... Anyone I meet is liable to have this same 'issue' and I would like to think I am mature enough to understand when they sometimes look a bit faraway as if reliving some past enjoyment.

But when what I find finds me I have no doubt it will fan a fire which will make any 'torch' appear a mere ember.



AB
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RainbowSlider
Yellville USA
Posted: Oct 2, 2006, 6:35 PM CST
In response to:
"Should you be on a dating site looking to meet someone if your heart is still devoted to another, but you find yourself "single" again?"

You know wikked I did not come here to find anybody but I ended up finding myself. You onece spoke of healing. This has been a place for the healing to contune and in many way finalize. What has come form all of you and what has come out of me in my writtens as done me well and truly helped me understand that it is now ok to move on and be happy and find peace with another as I feel I have finaly found in myself that peace with the past.


I love you guys



thumbs up I have got a lot of help in here. I came in here with a lot of issues. I still have issues but not as many as I once had. I am really enjoying the friendships now. I don't have the deep lonliness and the deep emptiness. I have normal loneliness, now. I have dealt with a lot as I am sure many in here have. It is ok just to be single today. It is not idea but it is ok. I can live with it.
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skippy73703
lewiston, Idaho USA
Posted: Oct 2, 2006, 6:42 PM CST
another point not to be taken lightly Urs if you are comfortable with askin the question should speak volumes on your willingness to atleast try to move on regardless of circumstances but ultimately our opinions are just that and you have to make the choice. love doest end simply because the persons involved are no longer compatible quite the opposite happens actually your love for that person stays in full effect it somehow gets hidden away only to resurface as a fond memory it will happen and some guy will sweep you off of your feet and im sure there are several guys here that have been swept away by your caring nature so stick to your guns for thats who you are and what makes you strong JMO
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froggydtoad
palmyra, Pennsylvania USA
Posted: Oct 2, 2006, 6:44 PM CST
Wow this thread has really made me think and I can say you hit the nail on the head for me. When I came here there was a little feeling of guilt becuase I have been seeing someone that isn't fully ready to commit we have talked about not being comitted to eachother right now but I know my heart is with him. So, no I don't think its fair to myself, or him, or other people to make this even more complicated. Sheesh Im ready to take myself off of here now. confused I guess my only suggestion is to make it very clear where you have been, how you feel now and where you are going...if you even know I sure don't
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MichaelH
Nowhere, Indiana USA
Posted: Oct 2, 2006, 6:56 PM CST
I think it is entirely possible that you can meet a new person and develop a love that will put a past, "lingering" love behind you; not that you forget it/miss it/dwell on it, but simply allow you to move on without regrets, keeping the past love a pleasant memory of just that, the past.
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California matchmaking
ezgoinman007
Newark, California USA
Posted: Oct 2, 2006, 6:59 PM CST
In response to:
This has come up today a couple of times and i would really like to have more input from the men and women on here about it...

Sometimes a relationship has for whatever reason reached its end...and its time to move on...so that makes you "Available"..but what if your heart is still there with that person?...because sometimes its not a "bitter" separating but a mutual decision based on circumstances that could not be overcome...

The fact remains that you need to move on...so you are putting yourself out here again...you're testing the waters, so to speak...but is this wrong?...Should you be on a dating site looking to meet someone if your heart is still devoted to another, but you find yourself "single" again?
When the time is right for that individual, there's nothing wrong with moving on and trying to find someone to be happy with even if your heart is devoted to another. Your heart won't always be devoted to that person unless your lucky enough to have that person come back to you and your heart is still devoted to them.

Ken
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Ontario personals
wikked
Ajax, Ontario Canada
Posted: Oct 2, 2006, 7:32 PM CST
In response to:
Wow this thread has really made me think and I can say you hit the nail on the head for me. When I came here there was a little feeling of guilt becuase I have been seeing someone that isn't fully ready to commit we have talked about not being comitted to eachother right now but I know my heart is with him. So, no I don't think its fair to myself, or him, or other people to make this even more complicated. Sheesh Im ready to take myself off of here now. I guess my only suggestion is to make it very clear where you have been, how you feel now and where you are going...if you even know I sure don't
Yes and you have described more or less what i was talking about...

The only thing i question..is when will it be "fair"...he's not ready to commit...and you respect that it seems...so what should you really do??? Sit and wait??...what if the next person is ready to commit to you and you to them...how would you have known...

dunno
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Ontario personals
wikked
Ajax, Ontario Canada
Posted: Oct 2, 2006, 7:36 PM CST
In response to:
When the time is right for that individual, there's nothing wrong with moving on and trying to find someone to be happy with even if your heart is devoted to another. Your heart won't always be devoted to that person unless your lucky enough to have that person come back to you and your heart is still devoted to them.

Ken
I believe i have said in another thread..the words "I'm IN LOVE with you" seldom crosses my lips (I have no problem with saying I love anyone or anything..its the "in love" part that chokes me)...because i know when i say them, i will never take them back...regardless of what happens in the future...

I have never stopped "loving" the people of my past...but i am realistic enough to know all the love in the world cannot make a relationship last if its not meant to be...so i moved on...that does not mean to say that i cannot be just as loving and devoted to another partner though...
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Arizona personals
dave24
peoria, Arizona USA
Posted: Oct 2, 2006, 10:28 PM CST
In response to:
Oh...

I would have to say yes. If your heart is still
with someone else. How can you fully give your
heart to someone new. I believe many have had
someone that holds a special place in their hearts.
The question is, how much of it does that person
possess? Too much to start something new? I don't
know.
Giving up someone is a very hard thing to do. If you both agree that there is no chance of a further relationship, you must look into your heart and ask yourself is it time to "move on" There will always be some small little voice in the back of your mind that will question what ever you decide to do. It is never a good idea to go looking for another, most of the time you end up with the wrong person. In answer to your question, there is nothing wrong with looking or chatting on line, but you have to be comfortable with whatever you choose to do.sigh
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froggydtoad
palmyra, Pennsylvania USA
Posted: Oct 3, 2006, 6:12 AM CST
In response to:
Yes and you have described more or less what i was talking about...

The only thing i question..is when will it be "fair"...he's not ready to commit...and you respect that it seems...so what should you really do??? Sit and wait??...what if the next person is ready to commit to you and you to them...how would you have known...

Thats exactly what I am trying to figure out so I appreciate that you posted this thread...if I sit and wait and he decides that there will be no commitment then I have waisted my time.....If not then at least I have met some wonderful people in the long run if not for just friends.But the guilt kills me. I would be honest with this guy....A few weeks back I told him I was going on a date....he then told me he didnt own me, we werent committed, but he was afraid of losing me....Then I decided not to go....he cant have their cake and eat it too. Its good in a way and bad in a way...Meaning I guess that gives me some hope with him, but at the same time makes me feel guilty. Its a catch 22 if I date I will feel bad, and Im one of those bitter honest people so I would never keep it from him, but at the same time If I just sit here then I may be waisting time....so with those words said I guess that since there is no book on dating we have to learn from experiences and I am just glad to hear others opinions on this. I guess it dosent pay to be brutally honest all the time , huh?
comfort
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Ontario personals
wikked
Ajax, Ontario Canada
Posted: Oct 3, 2006, 6:47 AM CST
In response to:
Thats exactly what I am trying to figure out so I appreciate that you posted this thread...if I sit and wait and he decides that there will be no commitment then I have waisted my time.....If not then at least I have met some wonderful people in the long run if not for just friends.But the guilt kills me. I would be honest with this guy....A few weeks back I told him I was going on a date....he then told me he didnt own me, we werent committed, but he was afraid of losing me....Then I decided not to go....he cant have their cake and eat it too. Its good in a way and bad in a way...Meaning I guess that gives me some hope with him, but at the same time makes me feel guilty. Its a catch 22 if I date I will feel bad, and Im one of those bitter honest people so I would never keep it from him, but at the same time If I just sit here then I may be waisting time....so with those words said I guess that since there is no book on dating we have to learn from experiences and I am just glad to hear others opinions on this. I guess it dosent pay to be brutally honest all the time , huh?
These are the emotions that separate men and women...

We are TWO different genders...we are not going to see the same situation the same...we are not going to handle it the same...

But until people are willing to concede that both sexes are ENTITLED to do what comes naturally to them a battle of the sexes will always exist...it doesn't make us right...it doesn't make us wrong...it makes us what we are...
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Ontario singles
Tumpa
ottawa, Ontario Canada
Posted: Oct 3, 2006, 10:55 PM CST
In response to:
This has come up today a couple of times and i would really like to have more input from the men and women on here about it...

Sometimes a relationship has for whatever reason reached its end...and its time to move on...so that makes you "Available"..but what if your heart is still there with that person?...because sometimes its not a "bitter" separating but a mutual decision based on circumstances that could not be overcome...

The fact remains that you need to move on...so you are putting yourself out here again...you're testing the waters, so to speak...but is this wrong?...Should you be on a dating site looking to meet someone if your heart is still devoted to another, but you find yourself "single" again?
All I can say is great question for the many that are on here and confused.

Why sit on a fence?

Time is precious....
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Mitchell1
Chattanooga USA
Posted: Oct 3, 2006, 11:08 PM CST
In response to:
Personally..I dont think it would be fair to get involved in a serious relationship..if you are still carrying a torch for someone else!!!

That being said...there are all different reasons that people are here at CS...friendships, dating, marriage, comittment etc!!!!!

There is no reason why someone in that position shouldn't be here as long as they make it clear to themsleves and others what that reason is!!!!!

If you are not ready for something serious...then seek friendships or just date...There is nothing wrong with either of them!!!


I`m here for therapy
comfort
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Mitchell1
Chattanooga USA
Posted: Oct 3, 2006, 11:10 PM CST
In response to:
These are the emotions that separate men and women...

We are TWO different genders...we are not going to see the same situation the same...we are not going to handle it the same...

But until people are willing to concede that both sexes are ENTITLED to do what comes naturally to them a battle of the sexes will always exist...it doesn't make us right...it doesn't make us wrong...it makes us what we are...
wisdom beyond your years, very smart lady professor
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kentuckygirlge
Posted: Oct 3, 2006, 11:57 PM CST
I have to believe and understand that in our lifes if you break up and they really meant something,you will carry them with you.Regardless if the breakup say was not wanted or wanted for some reason you part ways.And in doing this you have to end it in your head,it never ends in your heart.OK,i know i am going to hear oh hell no i dont think about him or her at all then you will be lying to yourself .How can you not even with all the abuse i did suffer sometimes i reflect on the good times that were had.Or a song comes on to remind you of a moment in time.You cannot tell me this doesnt occur.Then comes the time and for some reason or another you must let go.There was one on here that was my pick of the litter but distance played a part in the deciding of.Its all good and im not tearing down the place to find someone.wHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU KNOW YOU HAVE THAT EVERLASTING THING AS I DID AND AFTER 11 YEARS I HAD TO WALK AWAY.And i did knowing and fearing i might never get this feeling back.Its scary to say the least .But yet we go on looking ,waiting ,and hoping he or she will be the one.kiss kiss
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free online dating
Rightous143
Berkeley, California USA
Posted: Dec 12, 2006, 7:09 PM CST
biatch....make up your freakin' mind... Available or Not???
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TexasTornado
fairfield USA
Posted: Dec 12, 2006, 7:12 PM CST
In response to:
biatch....make up your freakin' mind... Available or Not???
okay first who you calling a biatch and who needs to make up their mind?
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free online dating
manny3
Sydney, New South Wales Australia
Posted: Dec 12, 2006, 7:12 PM CST
Hmmmyep u should def. be on here - if not just for a distraction to keep u from lookin over the past 24/7. ur trying new things , meeting new ppl - its just natural , even if u find them only as friends
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UB1_2007
Dekalb, Illinois USA
Posted: Dec 26, 2006, 12:17 AM CST
WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN,he'll move mountains it seems, just sit by her side. If he does not know you by now! He will never, never know you. As for me I am on a quest my heart was mistakenly placed in the wrong hands . It took me 8 years to MOVE ON... It is not a plesent task. Good luck. DOES LOVE CONCOR ALL? SOMETIMES YOU GET THE BEAR AND SOMETIMES THE BEAR GET YOU.
Best wishes.
RAF
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