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How many times have you been faced in a situation or circumstance where you are just sooooo ...and your choices have been...

You can either go with the moment, do what will make you "feel better" and get "instant gratification"...but then suffer the "regrets" of your actions "tomorrow" because it was not thought through...

Or you can suffer in silence...stew over it...rant and rave "mentally"...and then deal with it more "rationally" another time...(of course there is always the fact that "another time" the "passion" of the moment has passed, adrenelin is not pumping, and sometimes most of it is forgotten, or does not seem worth your effort anymore...)

Which one do you choose the majority of times? Why?...and what were the circumstances?

ok i'll give this a shot....


i strongly feel that any situation / circumstance may be looked at from MANY POINTS OF VIEW...perspectives.... this provides information some of which is valuable and some not as much... none the less

working from the premise that ignorance (mine as well) is the cause of all suffering,
i would like to take certain opportunities to contribute " another perspective" .

what motivates me is not always my frustration which has turned to anger , but also my compassion which acts to offer a diffusion, however.........



i have this human you see...." alex", and no matter how i explain to her that her actions are not always very consciously dealt with ,she insists on being human.
can be a real pain in the ass

she has these emotions that are triggered by her past experiences and sometimes she just
RE-ACTS.... feeds the fire .takes the adrenalin rush knowing that she is driven by chemistry, and shares her information.... emotionally, and from an ego born to find it's voice in this human condition.

my education has taught me to deal. with myself first . to look at what's what....now. and handle it. so if i act /react and it backfires in my face.... i will possibly take distance for a short time and then apologize for the manner of my actions....which is by the way , not always apologizing for the action but for the way i delivered it.

sometimes we will be human !! sometimes we might wake up for a split second and remember...........










we are not seperate

I have many jobs. At one time I was very blunt. I said whatever came to mind and dealt with the consequences later. I would leap before I looked. This caused me to be instantaneous. However, the other person I was involved with was the same way. We both got our hostilities out. But later I would try to reason instead of being instaneous. My reasoning was sophic though because I was trying to win the argument instead of being communicative instaneously. When one is playing pool this is known as overcompensating and can cause you to miss the shot. I now believe that one has to be willing to lose a battle in order to win a war. I believe it is better to save the relationship if it is worth saving. An argument can escalate but one must present their side or otherwise the issue stays unresolved. But if the argument is rushed then still there can be the unresolved. The regret can be a bad memory. In other words, I meant to say this when you might have taken it a different way. I believe one needs to reserve certain rights.

..."I now believe that one has to be willing to lose a battle in order to win a war. I believe it is better to save the relationship "...

Would you say its a "maturity" thing then?...

I lived in a bubble for many years. I could have the whole argument in my head and you wouldn't even have to get involved. My sponsor once helped me with this. He said he would apologize for an argument he had with another person and they didn't even know the argument even existed. I believe this to be the communication problem that many women have stated that is a problem because there is a comunication problem of "we don't communicate". The alanons helped me to understand this by their belief of if one person in a family has a problem then the whole family has a problem. That really helped me because it lets me to know that the problem can be sorted out by the different ways it can affect the family in various ways. Each person can be taken aside and counselled. Then the different counselors can come back and discuss the problems rationally. I used to see my ex as a bitch but not myself as a bitch. I was not rational, either.

Yes. I was very immature. I could only see my side of the argument and I hate losing an argument. I thought why lose a good argument just because she is right.

I would like to add though that I didn't see her "rightness" all at one time. It took my mind some time to process. I had trouble with the instanaeous. My rage had no problem with being processed. It processed automatically. There were even times in the argument where she was actually agreeing with me but I was so caught up in trying to prove her wrong that I didn't even hear what she said. Later, I would think damn she was right about some of that stuff. I would be eaten by guilt because she knew me better than I knew me. She knew all my faults and I didn't even know if she had any. Losing an argument was a put down for me. I saw her as the enemy instead of as being my partner. It was this you against me instead of the we.

So in other words I have tomorrow's regrets, today.

I have made my amends in the past but it takes a while for the conscious to come to a clear state.

If you are in the moment far enough enjoy it.

Never regret anything you've done it all mingles to make you what you are.

What would I do?

Depends on the circumstance. If I think about the consequences in time I would contol my heat and my

Some frustration I can deal with. Instant gratification is not worth the problems that can come from choosing an action based on a fleeting need.

dicipline is the basis of all freedom

I don't always do things that I should,but I am not one to have regret...

..akdophd....wow,i'm in awe..that was great!

hey Wikked...how ya doin' lady? sounds like a dilemma...so here's my .02!!! flyin' off the handle in the heat of the moment has only served to fill me w/ a mountain of regret that i end up apoligisin' for (if i can get past my stubborn pride)if not i stew on it forever n that's just not worth it!!! so i opt for countin' to 10,takin' a deep breath and sayin'.."hey can we discuss this in a rational manner"
if not(yet)then write it down...you still get the heat of the moment stuff,nothing is forgotten,and when you get to discuss it ...you have it in front of you in black n white!!! then hopfully you can both look at it and come to an understanding!! best wishes! n Happy New Year!!! see ya 'round!

It's been a long & hard lesson (I'm 55) to learn that not thinking things through much, much too often leads to regret. Regret almost became a living being that I could feel physically. So, I don''t think suffering in silence is a given if one does not go for the "instant gratification". My experience has been that it builds wisdom which breeds peace and a strong integrity.

Took me a long time to learn but I dont have regrets...theres not one thing in my life that I regret or ever will regret.. its all a learning experience...so instant gratification it is!!!

Yes!!! Thankyou...

I totally get this. We probably all have to get through it a few times in order to develop the necessary wisdom, don't you think? I know that I am enjoying my 40's much more than I enjoyed my 20's.