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Reported as a true story, I'd sure like to believe it!


She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle light, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home......Including the curtain rods.

So that`s where that smell came from, I want my house back.

Revenge is sweet

I love it~ Perfect !

Another place to stash smelly things, like a rotten clove of garlic, is take off the plate to the light switch and put it in there.

I lived in a house for a while and all of a sudden little TINY teeny spiders would appear from the ceiling and start coming down like snow, only in my bedroom. I did EVERYTHING I could think of but they kept coming till I moved. (moved not because of them)

It wasn't until months later that I discovered their nests inside the curtain rods that I had brought with the move but stored in a store room. They had all died but there they were, nests and all.

Creepy...

A man and his wife we're driving when she finally confessed she had been cheating on him for months with his best friend.
He remained silent yet she could tell he was upset in that he began to drive slightly faster.
Then she told him, I want the house, the car, the kids, the bank acct's.
He remained silent yet driving faster.
I want all the furniture, dishes, everythiing we have.
Still silent he drove faster.
You can have your clothes and personality and get out today.
Still silent he drove faster.
Well...arn't you going to say anything?
Don't you want anything?
He finally replies NO dear I have everything I want.
Oh yeah? whats that?
About this time he veered off the road approaching a bridge embankment at 120 mph.
He simply smiles and says "the airbag".

thats the best story ive herd all day ,and i shall use it so much over the next few days ...thank you kind miss

ok now im paranoid and about to ake down all the curtain rods and do an inspection.

can i hold the steps i wont look at ya ass .................sorry i would but hey at least iam honest....lol

No harm in looking..is that with or without the bunny ears and tail?

it would nt matter ,but it would be without with a smile on an old mans face lol......

just a big grin lol

that is funny

hope ya ment the girls story n not my sad attempt at witt

That was pretty good!!! lol

On his daughter's 18th birthday a man handed his daughter a child support check to give to his x-wife. He told the girl what it was and instructed her to give it to her mother and tell her that "for eighteen long years he has been sending her 1/3 of his pay every month and this is the last cent she was ever going to get from him."
Then, he said, "I want you to come back here and tell me what she has to say after hearing that."

Later on the girl comes home and the father asks, "well, what did she have to say?"

The girl replied, "she said you aren't my real father anyway."

Old saying...Momma's baby..daddys maybe.

older story,whilst pa was away mom like a litle company.....it just happened to be the 2nd company of the texas rangers

justice is served....thanx!! love your stuff!!

A man is about to get married to a woman. Just before the wedding day he finds out his wife to be is cheating with his best friend, the best man. But he goes through with the wedding anyway. They go to their very expensive reception which her parents paid for. Towards the end of the reception he grabs the microphone and says that he has an announcement. He thanks everyone for coming and says that he has a surprise for them. He asks everyone to look under their chairs and grab the yellow envelope and to open it. They all pull out a picture which shows the bride and the best man naked and in bed together. He then tells the crowd that he will be getting the marriage annulled the next day; says "good luck to the new couple" and leaves.

One for the ladies: A lawyer from St. Louis runs off with his secretary and then has the balls to call his wife to tell her to sell his BMW and send him the money. She places an ad in the paper "BMW - $50". A young man shows up and can't believe his eyes, this beautiful BMW for $50 and asks her if there is anything wrong with it. She says no, accepts $50 for a $30,000 vehicle and sends it to her husband.