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What is it that is such a turn off about the needy?

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What is it that is such a turn off about the needy?




2good2b_bad
St. Petersburg, FL, Florida USA
Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 6:50 PM CST
I have been rejected before in the past, and i have also rejected some for being to needy. But it is hard for me to understand from only my view point.
Just curious...........confused
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gentlepaws
Any town, Ontario Canada
Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 6:52 PM CST
In response to:
I have been rejected before in the past, and i have also rejected some for being to needy. But it is hard for me to understand from only my view point.
Just curious...........
We're all needy. We just have to learn when and how to hide it.
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Washington personals
nfowler
nowhere, Oregon USA
Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 6:52 PM CST
In response to:
I have been rejected before in the past, and i have also rejected some for being to needy. But it is hard for me to understand from only my view point.
Just curious...........
selfishness...just my opinion
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Adrean
Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 6:54 PM CST
In response to:
selfishness...just my opinion
selfishness over what? needy or being turned off.

Just curious
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speedy13
Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 6:54 PM CST
I am looking for a partner, not a person to parent...
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ladydancerdivine
jackson, Ohio USA
Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 6:54 PM CST
well what do you consider needy.... maybe its a turn off because the other person doesn't feel the same way or isn't ready for a serious committed relationship.....
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twilightstwin
Detroit Lakes USA
Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 6:55 PM CST
I like having my own time, and own interests. You know the saying "absense makes the heart grow fonder". Its true! How can you miss the person if they never leave ya alone?
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mbcasey
North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina USA
Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 6:56 PM CST
In response to:
I have been rejected before in the past, and i have also rejected some for being to needy. But it is hard for me to understand from only my view point.
Just curious...........
Did you "smother" her? I mean were you always around her, or always calling her? There is a fine line..women like men to call, but not 10 times a day. Women need some space too, and if you are all over them, they get tired of it.
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nfowler
nowhere, Oregon USA
Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 7:03 PM CST
In response to:
selfishness over what? needy or being turned off.

Just curious
The long version:

People are selfish. We need each other and to say someone is needy is a selfish thought. Some just require a little more attention than others. I don't see it as a turn off or on.
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Integraverence
Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 7:09 PM CST
I guess one can be "too" needy...but, generally speaking, aren't we, as human beings, all "needy," to some degree or another? I need you, you need me...you know?

What is wrong with wanting someone to walk through life with you? What are we doing here at CS? Oh I know. We're not "needy," we're "wanty."

Well...I can LIVE without someone in my life, but I'm not ashamed to say I need (in the most raw, bare bones, skin-peeling, layer by layer-like way) someone to share my life with. It's human to want/need a mate/partner. Even animals are happier and healthier when they have a mate.
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Adrean
Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 7:10 PM CST
NEEDY=



Require


Want

Necessity

Lack

Demand

Destitute

Poor

Deprived

Indingence

Distress

So which one is the turn off for you OP?
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ladydancerdivine
jackson, Ohio USA
Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 7:44 PM CST
In response to:
NEEDY=



Require


Want

Necessity

Lack

Demand

Destitute

Poor

Deprived

Indingence

Distress

So which one is the turn off for you OP?
i'm still deprived, poor, distressed, i want BADLY, it is a necessity... does that make me needy..... well, maybe, but i NEED the man that i truly, deeply, unashamadebly adore, admire, love, and all around can't live without....


hope that's not a bad thing.... lol, i hope he doesn't think so..... i'm needy but i need the love that he gives. nothing necessarily wrong with being needy, depends on the definition and application
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Abracadabra
Heaven, Pennsylvania USA
Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 7:48 PM CST
I guess it all depends on what you mean by "needy".

I would have absolutely no problem taking in a woman who was completely destitute. Just because she's down on her luck at the moment doesn't mean anything. In fact, I would kind of like to have a woman who has such little "baggage". And yes, a house and/or a career can be 'baggage" if it's preventing her from wanting to relocate. A woman who is destitute has nothing holding tying her down. So I actually find that attractive.

I've also had girlfriends in the past who needed a 'mentor' (I won't say they needed a 'daddy') because I don't think they were seeking a father image as much as they were simply seeking security and guidance. Especially guidance and emotional support to go where they wanted to go!

I often ask women what they want out of life and I'm a bit surprised to hear many of them say that a man has never asked them that before. I think so many couples are geared toward the man leading and the woman following that they seldom think about what the woman might want as an "individual".

On the other hand, if "needy" means that the person requires the constant attention of their partner then this can be a drain. I tend to be very partner-oriented in that I like doing things together. But at the same time I think of it in terms of doing mutual things together and not one partner just constantly being there fore the other partner as a one-way support counselor.

One thing I know is that I absolutely *need* a woman in my life to be the best that I can be. That doesn't mean that I can't live without a woman. It simply means that I'll never be the best that I can be without her. I hope she feels the same way about me. In short, I have no use for a woman who doesn't also *need* me.

Any woman who doesn’t *need* a man can just pass me by thank you. I have no use for any woman who doesn't *need* me. I'm not just a toy for some woman who merely *wants* a partner for entertainment.
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Adrean
Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 7:50 PM CST
In response to:
I guess it all depends on what you mean by "needy".

I would have absolutely no problem taking in a woman who was completely destitute. Just because she's down on her luck at the moment doesn't mean anything. In fact, I would kind of like to have a woman who has such little "baggage". And yes, a house and/or a career can be 'baggage" if it's preventing her from wanting to relocate. A woman who is destitute has nothing holding tying her down. So I actually find that attractive.

I've also had girlfriends in the past who needed a 'mentor' (I won't say they needed a 'daddy') because I don't think they were seeking a father image as much as they were simply seeking security and guidance. Especially guidance and emotional support to go where they wanted to go!

I often ask women what they want out of life and I'm a bit surprised to hear many of them say that a man has never asked them that before. I think so many couples are geared toward the man leading and the woman following that they seldom think about what the woman might want as an "individual".

On the other hand, if "needy" means that the person requires the constant attention of their partner then this can be a drain. I tend to be very partner-oriented in that I like doing things together. But at the same time I think of it in terms of doing mutual things together and not one partner just constantly being there fore the other partner as a one-way support counselor.

One thing I know is that I absolutely *need* a woman in my life to be the best that I can be. That doesn't mean that I can't live without a woman. It simply means that I'll never be the best that I can be without her. I hope she feels the same way about me. In short, I have no use for a woman who doesn't also *need* me.

Any woman who doesn’t *need* a man can just pass me by thank you. I have no use for any woman who doesn't *need* me. I'm not just a toy for some woman who merely *wants* a partner for entertainment.
What would you like to be needed for ? Such as...
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code_red
melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 8:14 PM CST
In response to:
What would you like to be needed for ? Such as...
the obviousD'oh!
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Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 8:27 PM CST
In response to:
I have been rejected before in the past, and i have also rejected some for being to needy. But it is hard for me to understand from only my view point.
Just curious...........
This is sort of a tough one. But there have been certain times when I've thought a woman has been "needy". These past few years of being single (with one short-lived romantic interlude) has taught me that I can be happy all by myself. I know I can do it. I don't have to have people around me to have a good day.
A good book, the sunshine, a nice cigar, strong cup of coffee, the smell of springtime, watching my idiot neighbours getting handcuffed, going for a swim, the sound of crickets, a full moon, the simple things...these things give me pleasure in life. If someone can't be happy with themself and needs me to help them get to that point by committing to a relationship, forget it. I'm not the guy. But this doesn't mean I can't be their friend and offer my help in any other way.
I think their is a distinction between wanting someone, to be happier... and needing someone, just to be happy at all. Having peace and quiet at home is much nicer than fighting and arguing over stupid things.
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Abracadabra
Heaven, Pennsylvania USA
Posted: Jan 9, 2007, 10:14 PM CST
In response to:
What would you like to be needed for ? Such as...
Companionship, moral support, confidant, and even possibility as a mentor in some areas.

Although, I need her for all the same things too.

And like I say, it's not that I can't exist with her. But can I really 'live' without her?

I don't think I'm doing a very good job of 'living' without her.

I always, did better, felt better, and was basically more productive and positive all-round when with a partner.

Just the way I am and will always be.

I guess I tend to be 'couple-oriented'. I'm from the old school that believe that man and woman were meant to complement each other.

I think our modern day attitude of "me me me" had gotten out of hand.

Although some people tend to prefer that. It's just not for me, that's all.

I don’t do well when living alone for long periods of time. I'm just not self-oriented enough.
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Adrean
Posted: Jan 10, 2007, 5:55 PM CST
In response to:
the obvious
sticking out tongue sticking out tongue sticking out tongue
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Random_Stranger
Made IN, California USA
Posted: Jan 10, 2007, 6:00 PM CST
That's easy. This is from experience playing both roles-- With myself! JK

Nobody wants Needy when they are secure with themselves. Needy people only accept other Needy people when they are at the same level. The problem with being needy is that you will annoy the hell out of the person you are trying to get with. It (in their eyes) looks pathetic. There is always those questions too "Is everything alright?" "Am I not doing enough?" "Did I do something wrong?" "Is there a problem I am not aware of?". There is no respect for someone like that through the eyes of those who are secure with themselves. That means you would be lowering yourself to this groveling twit. See? That is from the point of view being the one who is not needy. Just to answer the thread topic.
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Adrean
Posted: Jan 10, 2007, 6:02 PM CST
In response to:
That's easy. This is from experience playing both roles-- With myself! JK

Nobody wants Needy when they are secure with themselves. Needy people only accept other Needy people when they are at the same level. The problem with being needy is that you will annoy the hell out of the person you are trying to get with. It (in their eyes) looks pathetic. There is always those questions too "Is everything alright?" "Am I not doing enough?" "Did I do something wrong?" "Is there a problem I am not aware of?". There is no respect for someone like that through the eyes of those who are secure with themselves. That means you would be lowering yourself to this groveling twit. See? That is from the point of view being the one who is not needy. Just to answer the thread topic.
yes this is all true but.... I was quoting the dic.


on what needy means tis all.
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