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Studdering is a warning signal to you? Hmmmm! I know some folk who studder all day every day and they real neat people. .... not up to anything. Some only studder under stressful situations like interviews or dates for example. Some can studder after sleep deprivation, tiredness or following a big party (alcohol involved ) night..... alot to do with brain function/chemistry. Maybe I missed something or have misunderstood you,but not sure I follow your reasoning there.

Joe, what are you babbling about man?? We need to talk buddy!

After being a victim many a time and burning myself up emotionally on this issue I simply decided to trust and take the punishment if the person should take me for yet another ride.

I feel that life is not worth living if I need to distrust every person I meet. For me this decision worked. I met some beautifull people amongst those others and because I came to them in trust and love they responded in kind.

No problem...

I was responding to part of her thread the "been
in relationships" part. I have been there as well
and those were my warning signs. Along with my
instinct. Sorry for the confusion Joe...

Life is a big game!

There really isn't any way to truly know what tomorrow brings along.
If we are not willing to take chances/risk if we hold on to our pain using it as a tool to make our choices bye whats the use of starting a relationship in the first place.
It's easy to see someone in the beginning who drinks too much who is ignorant rude obnoxious especially if they don't care what others think and show them self straight up but that's not always the case some are great manipulaters and can play the part well.
In most cases it takes up to three years to get to know another person thats why most relationships fall apart within 5 years.
We are funny creatures of habit we go to meet someone and if we don't feel that instant chemical reaction right off we don't go any further getting to know the person.
The problem is the last time we did that is why most of us are single now.
I have had a female friend that I just felt friendly toward nothing else but as time went on while talking that chemical reaction just happen.

The best way to really check things out is to give a period of time to courting like they did in time past before hopping into bed.

Trust is earned, not just gaven.
It comes into the relationship when you really get to know someone. And then its not to good to put all your trust into one basket.

You're not the idiot , he is... he had you're trust and he missed up... someone is worthy of you and the trust you give.... So take it slow, and learn the person inside and out..

Use your instincts.

If its too good to be true, it probably is.

If something feels wrong, it probably is.

Don't be controlled by the past, instead be guided by experience.

You know , I always thought that ,but then I got confused along the way. Not everyone thinks that way, because I feel we are too selfish period about dating, their wants and not wants.

I like your last paragraph, it really hit the fan for me.. Did not know you were into old fasion ways, hmmm nice... I respect you for that very much, because i think the same when it comes to courting. I was just thinking that in the past there was true courting and very good manners Now there is few who understands that in this day and age..

True Gentlemenly quality you have!

I like you!

Yes I am old fashion with morals and values to boot!

I am catholic raised but not a church going catholic I just have all the traits in place.

To be honest you are Latino I grew up with Latinos and Italians all my life.

I don't go into a relationship with cautious when I meet a woman I am attracted to I give her the benefit of trust right from the very beginning trusting my intelligence to guide me.
It's harder for me to detect if she's using me or not because I don't care if she works or not---thats her choice to work.
But if she starts asking for things and not thinking of my over head cost of living like rent,food,cable and phone along those lines than I learn she is irresponsible and that tells me who she is.

I want a responsible woman who thinks of our secure comfort in living to meet.
To me a person who can't find the fun in paying their way taken care of their life cleaning their things is still a child!

And paying one's way isn't all about money it can be in many ways the payment but we all have a part to play in our life!

Don't get me wrong I love to go out and have fun enjoying my self but not at the expense of my security,comfort nor family.
I have a son that I raised as a single parent since he was 2 years old just about that I commit my life to.
He's a man now since I was 17 years old when I became his father but I am his father and will always be there for him for ever---til at least I can still breathe.

Trust is in your heart if you trust yourself enough you will know what not to give trust to so in the mean time enjoy have some fun and don't worry so much about trust nor relationships it will all happen when it's right to happen!

The worse thing a person can do is to try to control what will be freely given them when the time is right---we don't know how many hairs are on our head--but He does!

Gee, all that for me? Im speehless!! Just kidding.. I do understand about the trusting issues and I do give them the benefit of the doubt because I trust my instincts.. I still believe in watching how he is and etc,but I do it in a way that wont interfere with my relationship , meaning keep it to myself and let him show me the way..and etc.. Not sure I made sense there..

If we meet someone and they try pressuring us into sex it will only get worse because they are perverts to be honest--it's all they are thinking about.

They are not thinking of how the other may feel if they will be respected if the person will stay if they are going to be used---what happens down the road if they do stay and you don't feel like sex will they beg????

Honey I am feeling sick and they say ya but I am horny!!

It's selfish and self centered not to give a courting to a beautiful woman who may be your next wife--it's a man's duty to make her feel special and respected straight up!!!

You will only know when to trust someone after opening yourself up and getting a chance to really know the person. The only way to know someone is to allow them to be themseves.

Don't rush into things..don't expect someone to act just like you want them or even to love you. If it is meant to be it will happen naturally.

I would imagine that you already know what the red flags would be for you since you have already gone through the experience. I would also imagine you know the characteristics that you would like in a man. If not you will have to learn and learn until you do..btdt


Best Of Luck!

You are right to do so to but as long as you can still feel happy and laugh when you are out on a date.

heck yeah, you got that right, i alway have fun on my dates! Wether he calls me back for another is entirely different matter, which i dont worry so much about! Sera , Sera...

Thats good I must have misunderstood what you were trying to say in the beginning than --sorry.

See no exclaimation neither--please just one !

I see! awww, heck, you are forgiven... I still believe in what I believe in... but then i would be fighting with you again huh?

It is not easy to trust someone is a change we have to take sometimes, it is part of life. Sometimes you loose, well let me rephrase not loose but gain experience. Senses get trained with time and we learn to judge a little better to whom we give our trust to. Does it hurt when our trust is taken for granted? You bet it does hurt, would I stop trusting people and take changes? No, because that is not who I am. I believe in people goodness (foolishness I know)

Just my two cents based on my own experience.

If thats what you call a fight--skip all I said lets elope.

Wow I think that that is very well put. That is exactly what scares me. (Am I being used, would you still be there, is that all that this relationship is about). Most men just don't truly understand those fears that women have. We are two very different creatures and we are wired differently so of course we will ever think exactly the same or see all things the same way, BUT I think that the important thing is consideration and trying to put yourself in the other person's shoes.
~thanks for the advice!

Wow I think that that is very well put. That is exactly what scares me. (Am I being used, would you still be there, is that all that this relationship is about). Most men just don't truly understand those fears that women have. We are two very different creatures and we are wired differently so of course we will ever think exactly the same or see all things the same way, BUT I think that the important thing is consideration and trying to put yourself in the other person's shoes.
~thanks for the advice!