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ROTFLMAO...Thanks for sticking up for us childless wonders....even if it was self invested!!!!LOL

To start with, you can tell if a guy is serious about having kids around by the way he acts around other children. If you can get into a situation where he is around other children, not neccessarily yours, watch how he acts! According to the Parenting Magazine here in Canada, if I remember correctly, the best time to introduce a man to you kids if after you have established an exclusive relationship with him. I personally would wait until I am sure that this is the right person for me, probably after at least a few months. About children's opinions, my child is three and to young to give an opinion. However, if a child developed problems or was uncomfortable with a new partner, I would find out why and listen to what the child had to say.

Hey there,

I am new to the site. Just joined today. I have just become a single mom.

I have a son who will be 8 in April and expecting one in March 2006.

I am not ready to look for anything serious right now but am curious and looking forward to seing the answers and tips you will get.

Tracy :o)

I can totally relate, I have an 8 year old son and that very question bothers me too. I also think it's important that any new involvement with any man should be taken extremely slowly especially around the kids. To begin with, dates should be on the days your ex's have the children (visitation, weekends) not only because it's wiser not to let your children know that you are dating another man right away, but to also get to know the man and his attitude towards children. It's good if he also has children of his own, so he can somewhat relate to you. Taking things slowly is the key. Afterwards, introducing children to the new man in your life I feel should be introduced to them as a friend. Especially with the younger ones. No kissing in front of them, no overnite stays, etc. Go on an outing together with the kids, like a park, etc where they can play and get to know the new man in your life in a setting that's comfortable and fun for them. It also gives you a chance to see how he interacts with your kids. If he has kids, invite them all over to play with your kids... see how they interact. Then slowly take it from there. What you never might want them to think is that the new man will replace their father... but to let them know that he is a very good friend and wants to be their friend too. I'm not sure myself how far to go as to start showing more interest towards him in front of the kids besides friendship. That's a toughy... that's something you need to play by ear and it also depends on how your kids feel about him too.

I hope this helps sharing my opinion that this is the way I'll probaby approach it when the time comes, but like I said, it depends on the guy, and how your kids feel about it.

Good luck and best wishes..

Love,
Ann

Hey Hey MassMom from Canada: Listen lovely lady, don't rush it. My advice to single moms with kids is be completely independent and self-confident, then it may be time to bring a man into your life part-time. Kids first! Never start introducing men to your child, unless, however, you've been dating the same man for a very long time. I've been separated for 6 months now, and trust me, there are a lot of great men out there. Unfortunately, my only two dates were very sour!!lol. I met both men online, and completely fell in love with one, and he broke my heart - so - Remember that we DON'T need a man in our lives to make us complete - think of them as a craving, when you need one, grab one for a night!!!

Peace & Happiness

Being that I am divorced, and just broke up with my first "boyfriend" I don't know when is the right time, but what sucks is that I wish I had been more cautious because now my kids miss him more than I do!! (Unfortunately, he was rather childish and got along with them famously) You may be able to tell he's serious if he cheers them on at a sports function, helps with homework, you know... the stuff that maybe isn't always fun. Anyone can do fun stuff with kids, but someone who is serious will help you with the not so fun aspects as well.

Reading this thread, everyone has an opinion that is generally based on their own experiences. Each and every situation is completely unique. As a single father of a little girl whose mother could care less, I had the problem of my daughter wanting a mom figure. She would get attached so very easily and then get her heart broken deeper than mine. Geesh, I already wear my heart on my sleeve. It about killed me watching my daughter mourn each time. She is grown now, but it still doesnt change the fact she would like a brother or sister. She still gets hurt even if she doesnt meet the person and sees me let down.

Personally, it is an instinct thing,,, First of all I wont date someone that I could not be friends with, so I make the request even if we dont work out, then atleast call her and taper off your interaction,,, No need for kids to get hurt like we do,,, Unfortunately, it just doesnt work that way very often... I do have a few relationships where the friendship after dating was very strained, but we endured the friendship as I was attached to her kids and vica versa,,, The funny thing is a relationship could have worked with that same perserverance in the relationship,,, My best friend in the world is a relationship that was just plain unhealthy and we stayed friends as everyone was interactively involved.

Others here are right, pay attention to your kids and their feelings about the relationship... While they do count, it is your life and in 10-15 years they will have their own lives. Just be careful not to be with someone cause your kids love them and be even more careful to not be with someone cause your kids dislike them,,, It could be nothing more than they are losing some of their mothers attention!

Hi there, i am a single mother too and i am afraid too in a way . I ve been married too and have a kid and i am pregnant with twins now. I do not trust man enough , and i do not want my kids to get hurt emotionally again. If you want send me a message , i would like to exchange thoughts and even help each other.

regards
Kathleen
xxx

There are several folk around here expecting. :)

Feel comfortable.

We almost need a CS maternity ward.

hi how are u im from colorado if you are on aol ide like to hear from you my screename is hecht303

Depending on how we as Moms handle the given situation, will show them how to react, or get through things...

Everyone gets hurt. That's life. Teaching them how to learn and be healthy about it all...

I think too many sheild thier kids way too much, then when they are ready to face the world, they haven't any tools to cope...