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NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)

LOCATION: Throughout the world

DESCRIPTION: Varying from pink to black. Fangless, with a highly venomous spit. Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood and subspecies.

SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks, mainly women, in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then, a severe swelling, followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. However, it has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen, which may result in an incurable disease and possible death.

HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.

ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body, only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.

WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED:

TORNIQUET: Do not apply a torniquet, as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.

CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow.

SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim, but so far has not been reported to have led to any success.

MILKING THE SNAKE:

1. Place 4 fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile, with the thumb in the front.

2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion.

3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive and start spitting.

4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last time the snake attacked.

5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 20 minutes.

CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not necessarily a vermin and treated with the right respect, makes a wonderful pet.

hey you can I be bite by this snake. PLEASE.



Oh yea I want to keep him too.

Are there any suggestion how to cupture one and if it will survive in captivity?
How long it lives?

There are several well known treatments for the snake to make him more passive and less aggressive:

1) the potential female victim can distract the carrier of the snake with long and exhaustive trips to the nearest shopping centre and or garden centre.

2) liberal to excessive use of strong alcohol can also make the snake more likely to rest.

3) sports events on tv.For some reason the carrier of the snake can be lured away from the intended victim by regional sporting activites.Football being a prime example.The associated sports and a mixture of like minded friends for the host of the snake usually means the victim can escape entirely./too much alcohol and a positive result in the sporting even can make the snake very keen to attack.There has been a thorough research of this syndrome and the unwilling recipient of the attack is advised to hit the carrier with a large copper saucepan in the cranial region.

4) snakes become aggressive in areas where female tend to have few clothes, though some snakes for some reason even find holes in fences and even bus shelters attractive.

5) it is advised that those wanting to avoid snakes move to the island of lesbos, there the snake is discouraged to engorge itself.Some snakes still try to attack their intended prey, but usually a knee and a rebuke below the snakes base to his furry friends normally passifies the carrier and the snake loses interest.

6) some snakes like pointing at toilets as well and have a renowned knack of somehow splattering urine all over public conveniences in nightclubs, bars, hospitals...in fact anywhere where their range allows them to extend.For this reason they are believed to be blind.

7) there is also further evidence to suggest the snake my be at least partially blind, or at least hypnotised into chasing any living prey when the carrier is in a bar or any other venue where excessive alcohol is consumed.

The normal sensible behaviour of the snakes goes right out of the window when "beer goggles" are worn and the snake will try to attack the nearest available prey until the host collapses in a usual pile of vommit and or fast food.

8) cold weather is the enemy of snakes, and or cold water...only the most aggressive snakes will try to attack when submerged or plunged into cold water.

9) guarrenteed way to keep snakes dosile.There is a natural predator to the snake, it seeps its will to attack and it is believed to initiate almost primal fear in most snakes accross the globe.Regardless of culture or tradition it is proven that a visitor from the "mother in law" can render the snake into a state of fear and hibernation for unknown periods."mother in laws" accompanied by the even more frightening predator the "lesser spotted nagging aunt" can induce coma and death in the snake.It isn't known what kills the snakes but it is believed to be a pheramone closely associated with the "henpecking" and equally dangerous "nagging visuses" that the above predators carry.

Further available cures for a snake therapy to follow.

I think that all depends if the snake and his carrying mechanism are adopted by suitable prey

sure .. it has to have some survival technics

I'm hoping my snake will lot lead me into trouble....mind you, i get into enough without even trying

This is brilliant. This is one of the funniest and most creative threads I've seen in a long time. When I read the subject, I thought "Oh God NO!!!. I am terrified of snakes. Why would they want to discuss snakes." Very funny.

Very funny, Robbie.

But then again, I'm not surprised something funny came from you.