Posted: Jan 14, 2008, 2:05 PM CST
Intellectual compatibility is a must for me. I could not have a relationship with someone whom I view as shallow.
Someone who can debate without argument, who can converse without insult, and can challenge me to see things from a differing viewpoint, is an asset.
But, it would need to be on more than one topic. Sometimes you can find what you think is the most intellectual man, because he speaks about the philosophy of ancient civilizations in such depth! But then 3 months later you realize that it’s the ONLY thing he speaks of! I want a man who is intellectually well-rounded. He doesn’t need doctorate level depth on every subject, but a breadth of knowledge on many subjects. That way we can talk about ancient civilizations, current events, politics, and we can laugh at the latest celebrity who got arrested and watch the game together.
A truly intellectual mind never says “I have 300 channels and nothing to watch.” because they could randomly select any channel and find something to spur thoughtful discussion regardless of what was on.
They wouldn’t necessarily have to share all of my views, but we would need to agree on the moral issues I feel very strongly about. I think two people who share the majority of their views can still have stimulating conversations. They don’t have to simply nod and agree if they are educated enough to understand how to input ideas. Plato and Aristotle agreed on many issues, but could stimulate one another’s minds continuously by “upping the bar” and “what if” scenarios.
An important thing either way would be that we could discuss the issues using vocabulary and knowledge acquired past the 5th grade. There’s nothing intellectually appealing about someone who views the world through childish eyes.
Another important thing would be that he stick to his views. If I found a man wavering his viewpoint simply because I expressed an opposing view, it would make me think he was a player and just saying what he thought I wanted to hear. It would make him look pretty spineless.
As for interests, I’d like us to share interest in some activities just so we could share common experiences together. It would be a bit pointless to have a mate who loves to travel the world 9 months out of every year, if I’m more of a homebody and would prefer just one vacation in a year’s time. But we wouldn’t need to share every interest. In fact, that might squick me out if every time I showed a girly interest, he got all excited about it too.
As for open-mindedness… I’m not real insistent on discourse with someone overly open-minded. Being open-minded to a certain extent is necessary to intellectualism in the first place. There are a lot of very close-minded groups of people, and for the most-part they aren’t viewed as intellectuals. I think by definition, to be an intellectual, one must possess a certain amount of acceptance to new ideas.
However, I find some who take open-mindedness to such an extent that they begin to lose their own values and morals. I’ve never bought in to the “all inclusive” acceptance of others. I simply don’t feel obligated, nor slightly inclined, to freely accept that which I find is detrimental to my belief system and standards. I have the ability to judge for a reason, and I’ll not sacrifice that ability for the sake of being tolerant. Besides, no one should ever be so open-minded that their brain falls out.
Thanks for such a great thread Riya!