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Some times you need to make snow angels no matter what.

Following the heart can lead to challenges. That's all, just challenges to find new ways of accomplishing our goals.

I wish you well.

If this a development of an on-line growing relationship, it is not your heart; whatever your "heart" may be feeling is ...has been put there by your mind, perhaps your imagination. Strange things happen to your perceptions over the Internet. Perhaps several visits to the west would be better to affirm these perceptions over a time period rather than picking up and moving into territory that you aren't familiar with; caution...possible hazards ahead would read a highway sign on an old road I have travelled before.

You are so right Charlie......

Well Daniel I have dwelt on your fine words and will attempt to humbly express what they have shared through simple discourse. Self-sacrifice is something I am also intimately aware of. I have lived a rather harsh childhood, and have had to claw desperately at the world's mire to make most any hand-hold I have ever had purchase from. There have been occasional helping-hands, but not like one would give to most children. I am in retrospect grateful for the aid I have received in my life as it was always available when I just could not reach the next precipice alone. My life and experiences like those of all others has fored who I am and I am proud of that and what I have become. I learned a converse means of approaching life. My father and I had a very tenuous relationship which was not give and take unless if you count the give he gave and the take I had no real choice but to accept. I will not get into this here as it has already been expressed in another posting. Needless to say his tenderness left him imprisoned and his family utterly alone. I learned from him how to approach life by ensurig that I do virtually everything exactly opposite to how he would approach it.
I have received a mere handful of gifts in my life and really have no experience with receiving beyond the unconditional love of my children. I have compensated for this through giving of myself and whatever other means I have at the time. Giving is truly the best gift, for even though the gifts I have received were awesome (value notwithstanding, as it has no bearing), far outweighs whatever grace is allotted through receiving.
I too have always thought of others first, and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. The reward is too great in the smiles it returns to ever walk away from that path. My own happiness is likewise not hinged upon my own needs. The constant drain of desire steals the very breath from the good intentions of a man, and cheapens his own net worth internally. I have very few desires that I will maintain in life that are wholly introspective.
I have had periods of unhappiness in my life and have after careful consideration of their impact, always approached them with a clear mind for the needs of others involved. Sometimes things have oppositional sides and there must be a proverbial winner. I have zero interest in competition as a means of self-gratification, as it incurs a loser somewhere. I am not saying that I have no desire to win, but just against myself, for in this lies the true lesson. I strive to learn from my mistakes and am grateful for each one, regardless of my personal disappointment at the onset.
Seeing others deal with the issues that have shaped them, especially when they are such as yourself- willing to express the depth of the situation unhindered by shame or guilt- is a true blessing Daniel. I will never live long enough to make every single mistake myself. Some would sap my energies so deeply that I would lack time and ability to take the next step and possibly miss the proverbial bus I just nneded to be on to reach a particular goal.
My own happiness is directly linked to others, as I like you, woud much rather paint my environment with kindness so as to allow its delicate aura to fill me with the strength to continue doing so.
In giving lies the true gift of the heart, for it always returns with interest, when entered into unconditionally.
(to be continued...damn you cs and your 4000 characters...)

Mark

Your friend neglected to say that the reason so many are drawn to you is your open-hearted free-spirited giving nature. They do not take from you, but in the cold we all gather closer to the warmth of others.
The weight of everything in my life is the choice I have taken, I have the humility to know when to put the burden down though to drink from the well-spring of life as well. Without renewing my own inner reserves I could not carry my chosen burdens to their destinations. It is not the disappointment of others that inspires me forth but the infinite grace left behind when the task is done. Payment for actions is best when it comes from within one's own heart. I do not endeavour to aid others to take from them some allotment or percentage of what they gain from my actions. I likewise as you my friend do not lightly barter the coin of friendship seeking a profit, there is no commercialism in my heart's works. The return of my investment is garnered from within my own soul and this far outweighs any gift I could take from anyone.

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

Faith will carry us aloft on its wings seeking no return but acceptance, and this I accept without doubt.

Mark

Thank you Danile your words will remain close to me as a filter for much in my situation. There are two people involved as well as the satelites which orbit these lives and all involved must be considered as well, you have provided great insight as usual again my friend.

You make a choice you can live with Mark. Good luck.

Visit first and if you find you can't live without each other...Then make the best choice you can for your relationship....If not the alternative is living without her and letting go...Good Luck...

You are much too kind to me to share such intimate deatils here on such a personal level. I too have have experienced such intimate catharsis in my own life, and though it is always a hard lesson to swallow, its medicine purifies from within if we allow it.
You have shown me here that accepting the gift of love unconditionally for what it is, is directly linked to allowing the blessings to reward the giver. Refusing to accept the gift openly, excises the return for the other party and in itself is the greatest selfishness.
We all have lessons to learn and sometimes the path we encounter after leaving the comfort of a happy trail leads through barren wastelands. There is beauty in these as well, we just have to stop, look and listen. Regardless of my own inner strength, there is such grace in accepting the aid of others freely given. Two-fold returns of an infinite resource.
I do not doubt my heart, as it has never led me astray. It has taught me what I needed when I needed it. Accepting its lessons has been difficult, but learning and accepting is the only way to move on to other more pleasant situations. A lesson unlearned will return and likely ten-fold. Likewise a lesson learned open infinite possibilities and a proper foundation for receiving all it has to offer.
I could not read until I had letters, and they provided me with the gift of words. Understanding of these has provided yet another treasure, the gift you all have given here, through your own personal wisdom.
I still love letters, and words and now even more for the blessing you have shared here. Love knows no bounds, and wil conquer all. Dwelling on it cheapens its worth. Each and every step towards your heart is the true gift, I have learned to stop and listen to the silences for they speak as much as the tumultuous hammering of my heart in the presence of my love. The journey is painted with all the surroundings and I would cheapen the effect by neglecting each and everything provided to guide my way.
I just do not want to stay on the path, when I find my love off the trail awaiting a serene picnic overlooking yet another wonder. We all must enjoy the trip but maintain a healthy balance of where it is going. Haste makes waste and all, but indifference will leave us standing alone.
You have overcome your own lesson here and will move forward with the understandings you have gleaned to reward your life and that of whomever awaits you. You are a blessing to whomever is the lucky man lying ahead in your own journey Love will carry us all.


One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."
The LORD replied:
"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

The key to my understanding lies above.

Mark

Hi Mark...I have been where you are now. My avice? Be patient. The love of your life is worth waiting for. See each other as often as possible. One day, you will be together. Good luck to you!!

From the Dalai Lama....."Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon"

I would never deprive them of anything that life has to openly offer. Their mothers, myself or whatever other blessings they have yet to experience. I do not seek my own personal gains at the cost of any, as the shame would stain what I sought and eventually I would have to relinquish it never having tasted the purity of what it offered. You are right though my good man, the Lord's hand guides us all, whether we see it or not and often more firmly when we necglect to see it.
I understand the happy part as well. Happiness shared is its own reward, much like love. The truth is not to seek what makes you happy, but to accept yourself and trust in your own internal happiness. It will broadcast forth from within and draw others like moths to a flame. We must also remember to experience the tender lights blossoming forth from other as well as their light illumes the colours of our wings for yet more to see.
Driving towards a particular light could lead to being burned, but living on the outskirts of the light's radius leaves us living in the dark.
I thank the woman of my heart's desire every day for what she shares that warms me and try my human best to provide the same for her. We are never nothing though sir, we always have ourselves to offer, regardless of how we measure our own personal worth, we are merely a treasure awaiting those who are seeking the entirety of who we are. The Lord's hand shapes us for His purposes not our own and he will provide the catalyst for our future. It is in our hands to deal with and prepare for today. Glancing back we can take our marking from where we have been, knowing intimately the details of our path. Today is the day we live in and should take from it what is offered. Ahead the hills and valleys obscure the trail, and this should not make us fear, but entice our inner child's curiousity to seek what lies beyond. We can go forth into the great wide open expanses of life secure, knowing our Father will always be there with us, in our times of greatest need, and he will place others in our path to give the little encouragements required to press forth a step at a time.
Thank you for your kind words, and for providing a gentle nudge in the right direction.
You are too kind with your metaphoric view of my words, but alas they are naught but smoke on the winds... pretty pictures notwithstanding, they will fade unless somehow they become etched in our hearts.

Mark

Bajan I at first feared you had run shy of words my dear lady, then I sat quietly and listened to the revereberation of their simplicity and found what I sought here.
Truth comes so easily for you and your expression paints a wonderful canvas of this vision. I truly appreciate every word you have written here, as much of it inspires me to greater understandings of the myriad wonders of this world. You make simplicity an overture and I must sit in stunned silence often. I am very difficult to silence yet your words move so profoundly and speak like the harmony of nature.
Challenges are the stuff of legends and make fine tales in the twilight years.
And yes my yard is currently filled with snow angels today for inspiration.

Thank you dear for cutting through my verbosity and cleaning from it the dross. Often if we would just edit our own words we will find the truth we seek in the clutter...

Mark

Every experience in life is brought into existence soley for us. It is in its individuality that it impresses the truths we seek. If I were to walk your path I would miss any of the wayposts and signs left for you, and vice versa. I appreciate your words here, fine words and taken with the intention they were given.
What is the difference between meeting a person here or in the local watering hole or supermarket?
I believe this global community has much more to offer, in the way that we must bare ourselves to express our thoughts. You cannot hear my body language or see my reactions to words here, yet our seeking to express our ruminations here leads to inner development. We have become a society of increasingly physical wants and needs, and have such have lost much of our ability to communicate what we think or feel. There is merit in both types of discourse to be sure, and each has its own distinct alphabets, we are just too quick to allow the more difficult expression of our inner abstracts to be drawn forth. A smile can begin or end a conversation and has many meanings but often enough they can be misrepresented. If we follow the worldly means of communication we risk another Tower of Babylon as it unifies us in a much more simple commune. The difficulties of entering any relationship are only present if we have concern for both parties equally.
Visits are definitely on the horizon, as they offer much that cannot be achieved through virtual discourse, yet the foundation must be developed lond before one builds a dream castle or the walls will fare as those of long lost Jericho.
Caution is good to an extent, yet it is also a major hazard in itself. I do not paint the path ahead, merely enjoy and continue along it. A warning not to pet a wild animal is good wisdom, but to fear them and lock oneself away from them for these fears will ruin the perfection of their beauty.
My statement of picking up stakes and heading west are merely metaphorical and as such are the representation of what might needs be. I am never too hasty, and am seeking only to find my vision as to when the light turns green, so as to continue along my course.
One's heart can speak truth if it is not coloured with desperation, of which I assure you I have none. My mind and I are not often on mutual terms, until I temper its demands through my heart and soul and I have found this the most fulfilling means of furthering my own personal voyage through this wonder of life.
Again nothing ventured nothing gained... What we share is truly wonderful in itself and I would go to my grave happy for what it is as is. The possibility of more is what draws me forth to seek out more of these precious blossoms... for in such fragile things lie the bounty of spiritual honey.

Thank you sir for your words, I will remain aware of each perspective garnered herein as they are all true expression of what has gone before.

Mark

I must make choices that make it the most pleasant for all concerned, I could never be vain enough to seek my own fruition here. I appreciate your sentiment and am not belittling it here. You are right in that I must remain aware of what is right for me as well. All parties must have equal reward or the allotment is unevenly divided.
I taught my children a multitudinous lesson through the following:
When they seek to share some physical thing like a candy bar or such, I have taught them that the one who does the division gains the remainder. In other words whosoever does the cutting never chooses their portion. It keeps all parties honest and equally contented with the work they endeavoured to undertake.
I applly this to my life o a daily basis to keep myself from feeling a thief, and others from feeling the victim.
Personally I would give the little dears my own portion as I really do not have the taste for candied sweets, but the lesson has worked for all of us.

Thank you, and I hope I did not misread your intent here dear, as such was not my intention.

Mark

there are many women on CS that im very attracted too, its a terrible shame they live sooooo far away!

I am in no hurry to rush through the exquisite beauty of what lies ahead. I understand the need for visits though, and am contemplating such in the future.
There is yet another alternative you have overlooked, keeping what we have just as it is. I would never endeavour to imagine that it is either all or nothing as what we currently share is truly a treasure beyond what I could ever have desired here or in the physical world.
Your picture expresses your own inner happiness and as such is a banner to be flounted openly for others to witness, and for this I thank you from the depth of my heart. Thank You.

Mark

AWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEE...Thanx Mark and he lives far away too...in London to be exact...So I know the feeling...You're right there is no rush and you can keep things as they are...Until the time is right!!!!!!!

And you said you were less literate, you do yourself a great disservice here sir and have repented with such fine words here.
Patience is the key, you are right she is worth waiting for in so many ways. We have a very open communication and through varied means. I treasure these moments as the will create the future for and between us.
No man knows the future but all should enjoy each and every sight, sound, smell, taste, and feeling along the way. The culmination of our goals is naught compared to the quest before us.
Tenzing Norgay from Nepal and Sir Edmund Percival Hillary would surely have not bothered if their goal was accomplished merely through a desire. And if they thought it and were just there, no one would remember any part of their adventure.
The quest for love is universal, and always the most wonderful journey one can undertake.

Thank you for your kind words my friend.

Mark

...oh well compared to his grace's infinite wisdom I concede...
How can I do aught else?

Thank you, the reckless abandon is enjoying the edge, and the plummet equally...

Mark