Posted: Dec 18, 2007, 7:46 PM CST
I am new to CS and I wanted to write this because I noticed alot of people complaining about their dissatisfaction with online dating. I wanted to throw out some tips I think would be helpful to improve your success.
#1. Be honest: Never post something about yourself that is not true, this includes posting a photo of yourself from 10 years ago. Also, if you are skinny, do not list yourself as muscular, if you are overweight do not list yourself as average (even though most of the country is overweight). If you smoke or have children specify it. If you are sarcastic and don't like cheesy chick flicks, say so. The bottom line is to avoid giving another person an unrealistic view of who you are. Most importantly be honest with yourself, not to the point of focusing on all the negative things. Being honest means balance, take the good with the bad. Everyone has faults and everyone has strengths. There are far more positive than negative, write them down and smile because you're amazing..
#2. Seek advice and be open to constructive criticism: Ask friends and family, "what about my personality would you change if you could?". Write them down and set detailed realistic goals for yourself. Maybe your personality is flawless(you should email me some tips), so they could be things like walk 30 minutes day, begin strength training 2x/week, reduce smoking to x-number of cigarettes/day. If you do not write them down, they do not exist. WRITE THEM DOWN.
#3. Avoid the following at all cost:
Acting needy (especially men) and desperation tactics. There is nothing more appalling than a man who acts like a 3 year old, constantly looking for attention, suffocating a woman, constantly searching for approval. I truly believe that people are built with a need for human contact, that is why you have formed this desire to be with someone. We have an ability to control our desires and make choices about how we react and respond. You don't agree? Scenario 1: You're having the worst day and some guy cuts you off for the last time and you're livid! You want to kill this guy. The guy jumps out of the car and runs into a building and pulls two unconscious people out just before the building bursts into flames. Not only that, he happens to be a police officer. Your attitude would probably change, right?
#4. Understand this: Looks DO matter. The simple fact is that if you say looks do not matter, I think it's time you're honest with yourself. That is not to say that she has to be Miss(Ms.) Universe or he has to be on the cover of a fitness magazine; it means that looks are a part of attraction. If you are not attracted to the other person or do not connect with them on many levels including the physical, then the relationship probably will not last.
#5. Do not rely on online dating to meet your needs. Get out and make friends in a social setting. There are plenty of resources online to give you tips on dating and overcoming social fears if that is your phobia.
If you're not into the bar scene, get a gym membership, take some classes, go shopping, hang out at coffee bar or books stores. A couple of other good things to do would be volunteer or attend church and serve people that need your help. The best way to get your mind off yourself is by helping others in need. True happiness comes from within. You may think it's always better to "be with" someone but that is not always true. Look at the divorce rate(>50%). So be patient. Find out who you are and take time to decide what you really want and what you need. There is a difference.
I just wanted to take the time to voice some issues I had and post some thoughts. I'm not claiming to be some guru or expert, I just want people to be more content with their current situation and make the best of it. So, best of luck to everyone. Remember happiness comes from within.
Please post your comments/concerns/disapproval etc, they are greatly appreciated.