Posted: Dec 22, 2007, 11:46 AM CST
Fractured Christmas Carols
No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid. Sing along with these new takes on old favorites:
DECK THE HALLS:
Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly...
WE THREE KINGS:
We three kings of porridge and tar..
Good tidings we bring to you and your kid.
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS:
On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me..
WINTER WONDERLAND:
Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.
In the meadow we can build a snowman. Then pretend that he is sparse and brown.
SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN:
He's makin' a list, chicken and rice...
THE FIRST NOEL:
Noel. Noel. Barney's the king of Israel.
With the jelly toast proclaim...
RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER:
Olive, the other reindeer...
You'll go down in listerine!
FROSTY THE SNOWMAN:
Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say...
SILENT NIGHT:
Sleep in heavenly peas...
JINGLE BELLS:
Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay...
OH COME ALL YE FAITHFUL:
Come, froggy faithful...
----
Twelfth Bug of Christmas
For the twelfth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Tell them it's a feature
Say it's not supported
Change the documentation
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
---
Walking In A Doggie Wonderland
Dogs tags ring, are you listening?
In the lane, snow is glistening
It's yellow, NOT white;
I've been there tonight
Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wand'ring vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's MY property!
Marked up as my winter wonderland."
In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
Following the classic design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go man,
So all the world will know it's mine, mine, mine!
Straight from me to the fence post
Flows my natural incense boast;
"Stay off my turf, this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland."
Better Not Bitch
Oh, you'd better not bitch
And you better not moan
Or be an asshole at the office
or a bugger at home
'Cause Santa Claus is coming to town.
He sees you when you're sleazy
He knows when you're pissed off
He knows if you're a big sad-sack,
So you better clean up your act.
Oh, you better stay happy
and you better stay cool
Don't jerk around your pals
or act like a fool,
'Cause Santa won't like it,
and for Christmas you'll get jack shit!