Posted: Dec 26, 2007, 8:43 PM CST
I will be returning at the end of January for another three months and one of my friends there sent me this message today which may give some insight into life for a Westerner in Russia:
You know when you've spent too much time in Russia when:-
You don't think things are bad right now
You answer the phone by saying 'allo allo allo' without giving the caller the opportunity to respond.
You are impressed with the new model Lada car.
In winter you choose your route by determining which icicles are likely to impale you in the head.
You hear the radio say it's zero degrees and think it's a nice day for a change.
When crossing the road you sprint.
You are pleasantly surprised when there is toilet paper in the WC at work.
You give a 10% tip only if the waiter has been exceptional
You are envious because your expat friend has smaller doorkeys than you do.
You start thinking of black bread as a good chaser for vodka
You know more than 60 Olgas.
You have to check your passport for an arrival in Russia date.
Your sister writes to you about the best prime rib she bought and you can't remember what it tastes or looks like.
You never smile in public when you're alone.
You are in awe after three days home in the UK your shoes are still clean.
When the word lettuce ceases to have anything to with salad.
You get excited when the dentist smiles and has all his own teeth.
When mayonnaise becomes the dressing of your choice.
You start buying Russian toilet paper.
You try to pay a traffic fine on the spot and get arrested for attempted bribery.
You think metal doors are a necessity
You give your business card to social acquaintances
Your coffee cups habitually smell of vodka
You take a trip to Budapest and think you've been to Heaven.
You start to believe you're a character in a Tolstoi novel
You develop a liking for beetroot
