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Is there any such thing as a healthy, able bodied person who just cannot manage to support themselves? Should family take the responsibity of supporting them? Is this the Christian thing to do? This relative graduated from college with a master's degree. She never worked in her major. Over the years she's had a variety of low paying jobs. She's lost a house, two apartments and doesn't have a car now even though a used one was given to her. She has no health insurance. She's taken expensive courses to upgrade her skills, worked for less than a year and was fired. She hasn't pursued anything else. Now she's overweight, smokes, has diabetes and has become a breast cancer survivor. Is there any right way to deal with this?

Sink or swim... if she's able-bodied. I'm sure the relatives get tired of pulling the wagon for her....especially when she insist on riding....

(but remember, I'm considered cold and callous...) But, at least honest :)

Since she is obvoiusly very intelligent, maybe she feels expectations have been put on her that she can't attain. A career counselor and maybe even a psycologist could help. As long as she tries to be a productive person, the family should stick by her.

Happy New Year!!

That is the honest way to look at it. I know we are supposed to help our fellow man but is it right for someone to go thru life from one handout to another?

It isn't as an uncommon problem as you might think, New. A lot of physically sound people have self-destructive streaks a mile wide, while physically handicapped people often excel at financial and personal success. There isn't any easy answer, but it sounds like it's time to let her go. She's had all the help in the world, and it didn't matter.

I meant, let her go "financially." I see nothing wrong with being there for her as a friend - but it seems pointless to help her materially.

Good luck!

Thanks and a Happy New Year to you.

Thanks for your advise Ambrose. Happy New Year to You.

In a capitalist society, if you don't swim with the other sharks, you often sink to the bottom.

From her point of view her life works just fine as long as everyone keeps supporting her non-productive lifestyle.

I would be dishing out tough love, as long as people show up to carry her she will let them do it. Why not?

Have a happy New Year.

"From her point of view her life works just fine as long as everyone keeps supporting her non-productive lifestyle".

Do you know this woman and what makes her tick ?

You know .... the right way to deal with this is to listen to what you ask
and the way in which you ask the question.

The answer or answers are within the question and the need to ask the question.

Seeking validation for your actions is fine but when the actions are
decided that decision and the actions will be yours and are what YOU
feel you need and it will be right.

2 words

Tuff Love

---what does she seek

I know this woman but I don't know what makes her tick. I sometimes feel guilty because I've carved out a pretty decent place in life. Maybe I was just lucky and she wasn't. I don't know.

As far as I can see, she doesn't seek anything of her own. She lands on someone else's territory and becomes content or at least pushes her ill content off in the distance.

Her ill content goes deep into the sub conscious- i believe .
From the little info given- I would suggest this person is a gifted individual with a lot to contribute --- I would suggest she pinpoint an area to specialize in and--- go for it under her own steam - ( with Love and encouragement - no money) she obviously does not realize her full potential within groups and re enforces this with new courses and her disappointment with herself leads to eating disorders etc.
i am not a psychologist but gentle mind therapy that she does herself may be a help--- not a professional --- shes too smart for them --- angels help --- may her light shine brightly

love her but no money....adversity and hitting bottom is what brings us to epiphany, growth and accelaerated learning curve....if she is enabled to be dependent and keep getting bailed out she may never grab hold. just my 2 cents

There are by far many in this category and it is pitiful. Sometimes I just feel that they area all attracted to me and I know that I've been looked upon in the same manner. Sometimes it's tough luck and sometimes it's bad choices. Not sure what led me down that road but I did make changes and overcame a huge problem after simply eliminating the people in my life who were dragging me down. Unfortunately, in the process of being obsessive about it I also alienated myself from gf's family and now gf left and I've been single since August... really tough on me...but there were many positive changes for me too. First and foremost she has to recognize that she is part of the problem and insisting on making choices based on chance and not firm data is not a good choice. I gave up my education credentials to be a licensed plumber...best choice I ever made and I KNEW that a plumber can make good money and one who applies himself can work on his own without having to have a real job ... and do quite well!

I think this is the problem. She IS currently enabled to be dependent. Her situation at the moment will not last forever but she is not planning for that. When that time comes, the family will feel bad and probably make provisions to continue her dependent living. The alternative would be her living in the street.