Understanding women...sex but end of relationship....

wikked
Ajax, Ontario Canada

Posted: Jan 1, 2008, 9:47 PM CST

In response to:

She may have felt she went to far to fast and got scared.Give her the space she needs with no pressure.Just check in with her to let her know you are there if she wants to talk. Good luck and you sound like a very caring man ..

This was my first thought when i read the thread...that she got scared by her own reaction to you...and that perhaps she went too fast for you...just as men worry about things, women do more so even...

The use of a condom i don't think really played a part in it other than you are a very responsible man..."IF" there was any negative thought over it, I would say she wondered why you came "prepared"...

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

BamaBob
Cullman, Alabama USA

Posted: Jan 1, 2008, 9:49 PM CST

yeah...the only real complicating factor is that she had been dating a guy that she still has feelings for and has good reason(s) not to trust him. Too, she is having guilt feelings because she considers it "casual" sex...which I do not. Well, for sure, she had a hell of a good time while she was having it! So, it's an experience she can remember ...and hopefully with a smile on her face!

I just hate that now she's dealing with guilt and second thoughts. So, now I'm anticipating that this guy is going to show up soon and she's not going to feel comfortable with him because of it...and that's fine with me because he has not held up his end of their relationship (IMHO). I have absolutely no regrets.
Hell, I was thrilled that I was able to stay fully clothed and worked her so much that she was the octopus that was all over me!.... damn she was an animal!...and a very happy one! Honestly, the foreplay made me quite proud of my accomplishment! I do believe tho' that if we had put it off for a couple more dates that she would still be around and the relationship would have deepened and moved forward. I am very proud of and happy with the way she has handled it. She does have a very mature and honest way to deal with me which is totally unlike the woman who left me back in August after nearly 5 years...just cold turkey walked off and doesn't even accept my calls...and all with absolutely no reason...still hurting over that one and will for a very long time....but hey... I'm moved on! Que Sera, Sera....

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

BamaBob
Cullman, Alabama USA

Posted: Jan 1, 2008, 9:58 PM CST

In response to:

I'm kind of going through the same scenario, The girl I am seeing was the same. We dated a little longer, maybe two weeks before we slept together. The sex was great. she even told me that I needed to work on a quickie. ( I'm not bragging here, It's true) And she was the one that told me that she liked sex everyday.
All of a sudden, things cool off for the last couple of weeks. She says that she doesn't want anything more than dating right now, but yet she got pissed at me when I went to my old girlfriends to get the rest of my stuff. She also wants to date other guys, but doesn't want me to date other women. She talks about long term things in a relationship, but doesn't want to commit
Does any of this make any sense? I really like her, and could see committing to her, but nothing makes any sense. I'm at a loss here, and don't know if I should move on or stick it out. Any Ideas?

Dude... been there and done that too! It put me in a hell of a twisted emotional state...major depression, etc. because it came at the end of a very long relationship. She wanted her cake and to eat it too. I know it will damn near kill you to do it...but cut her off TOTALLY...turn your back on her and get the hell out before she gives you a heart attack or stroke...unless you just like being used and trampled on. RUN LIKE HELL! She's got your heart and is going to rip it to little biddy pieces... GTFO!....Hard as it is to accept there are plenty more out there and you can find at least one that is mature and honest.

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

CuspofMagic
space, Mecklenburg-West Pomerania Germany

Posted: Jan 1, 2008, 10:00 PM CST

In response to:

I have to agree with you B.E.B. It was absolutely a performance of a lifetime! I mean...like total restraint until she was boiling over! LITERALLY!... I do know for a fact that she has issues she is dealing with...kinda sorta my heart goes out to her and all of us who are dealing with lost loves and have issues that we are not through dealing with. There will always be something in the back of my mind that refuses to let me give 100% of myself to a woman and I have to deal with that every time I'm alone with a woman.

Firstly --- I'm with you on the health certificate issue -- two adults should be able to supply this as a matter of course during a relationship - Perhaps you have answered the question yourself for both of you in - "There will always be something in the back of my mind that refuses to let me give 100% of myself to a woman and I have to deal with that every time I'm alone with a woman" I would discuss this with her - it just maybe the same for her. For my two cents worth if you have these feelings and vice versa it is not a congenial foundation to start a relationship . Until those past emotions are dealt with you cannot share your love fully with another person and yes it is unfair and wrong

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

cutelildevilsmom
portsmouth, New Hampshire USA

Posted: Jan 1, 2008, 10:01 PM CST

In response to:

I'm kind of going through the same scenario, The girl I am seeing was the same. We dated a little longer, maybe two weeks before we slept together. The sex was great. she even told me that I needed to work on a quickie. ( I'm not bragging here, It's true) And she was the one that told me that she liked sex everyday.
All of a sudden, things cool off for the last couple of weeks. She says that she doesn't want anything more than dating right now, but yet she got pissed at me when I went to my old girlfriends to get the rest of my stuff. She also wants to date other guys, but doesn't want me to date other women. She talks about long term things in a relationship, but doesn't want to commit
Does any of this make any sense? I really like her, and could see committing to her, but nothing makes any sense. I'm at a loss here, and don't know if I should move on or stick it out. Any Ideas?

hello?? take a hint. she wants you to wait around in case her other dates dont work out or in case she need some booty.you are a F@#$k buddy my friend.If you like that role great but this chick will not commit to you.why should she?

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

CuspofMagic
space, Mecklenburg-West Pomerania Germany

Posted: Jan 1, 2008, 10:10 PM CST

In response to:

yeah...the only real complicating factor is that she had been dating a guy that she still has feelings for and has good reason(s) not to trust him. Too, she is having guilt feelings because she considers it "casual" sex...which I do not. Well, for sure, she had a hell of a good time while she was having it! So, it's an experience she can remember ...and hopefully with a smile on her face! I just hate that now she's dealing with guilt and second thoughts. So, now I'm anticipating that this guy is going to show up soon and she's not going to feel comfortable with him because of it...and that's fine with me because he has not held up his end of their relationship (IMHO). I have absolutely no regrets.
Hell, I was thrilled that I was able to stay fully clothed and worked her so much that she was the octopus that was all over me!.... damn she was an animal!...and a very happy one! Honestly, the foreplay made me quite proud of my accomplishment! I do believe tho' that if we had put it off for a couple more dates that she would still be around and the relationship would have deepened and moved forward. I am very proud of and happy with the way she has handled it. She does have a very mature and honest way to deal with me which is totally unlike the woman who left me back in August after nearly 5 years...just cold turkey walked off and doesn't even accept my calls...and all with absolutely no reason...still hurting over that one and will for a very long time....but hey... I'm moved on! Que Sera, Sera....

I just have seen this --- man are you crazy --- get out of there-- come to terms with your sub neg emmotions -- get back to self and man it'll be like a huge weight has been lifted --- then and only then you will be a - able to give yourself without barriers and b/ recognise true love

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

cutelildevilsmom
portsmouth, New Hampshire USA

Posted: Jan 1, 2008, 10:11 PM CST

cusp you are so right....

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

lover65
Vero Beach, Florida USA

Posted: Jan 1, 2008, 10:12 PM CST

Thanks,
I don't really mind if I'm the F#%k buddy, but when I mentioned that, she didn't like that either. She had a F%$k buddy before she met me and dumped him because I wasn't really into letting her do that. It's a really strange situation that I got into.
She has asked me a couple of times, when I would ask what time it is, if I had another date. I think that the next time she says that, I'm going to say yes and see what the look on her face is. I have two other women online that I have been talking to for over a month, and I would like to meet them if this relationship has hit a dead end.

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

shipoker55
St. Petersburg, Florida USA

Posted: Jan 1, 2008, 10:13 PM CST

In response to:

Maybe she had a thing about "scaley" sheets?

oh. sure!! "scale" up my sheets but not hers! Where's the justice in that!!

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

cutelildevilsmom
portsmouth, New Hampshire USA

Posted: Jan 1, 2008, 10:14 PM CST

In response to:

Thanks,
I don't really mind if I'm the F#%k buddy, but when I mentioned that, she didn't like that either. She had a F%$k buddy before she met me and dumped him because I wasn't really into letting her do that. It's a really strange situation that I got into.
She has asked me a couple of times, when I would ask what time it is, if I had another date. I think that the next time she says that, I'm going to say yes and see what the look on her face is. I have two other women online that I have been talking to for over a month, and I would like to meet them if this relationship has hit a dead end.

I would meet the other women.You arent in a committed relationship and from what you said her jealousy alone would be a red flag.good luck.

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

fireliter
Allen Park, Michigan USA

Posted: Jan 1, 2008, 11:14 PM CST

In response to:

I'm kind of going through the same scenario, The girl I am seeing was the same. We dated a little longer, maybe two weeks before we slept together. The sex was great. she even told me that I needed to work on a quickie. ( I'm not bragging here, It's true) And she was the one that told me that she liked sex everyday.
All of a sudden, things cool off for the last couple of weeks. She says that she doesn't want anything more than dating right now, but yet she got pissed at me when I went to my old girlfriends to get the rest of my stuff. She also wants to date other guys, but doesn't want me to date other women. She talks about long term things in a relationship, but doesn't want to commit
Does any of this make any sense? I really like her, and could see committing to her, but nothing makes any sense. I'm at a loss here, and don't know if I should move on or stick it out. Any Ideas?

lets not lose sight of who wanted equality to begin with.

Ask yourself this, could you be happy with a life and relationship like you described??

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

CuspofMagic
space, Mecklenburg-West Pomerania Germany

Posted: Jan 1, 2008, 11:18 PM CST

In response to:

cusp you are so right....

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

CuspofMagic
space, Mecklenburg-West Pomerania Germany

Posted: Jan 1, 2008, 11:21 PM CST

In response to:

Thanks,
I don't really mind if I'm the F#%k buddy, but when I mentioned that, she didn't like that either. She had a F%$k buddy before she met me and dumped him because I wasn't really into letting her do that. It's a really strange situation that I got into.
She has asked me a couple of times, when I would ask what time it is, if I had another date. I think that the next time she says that, I'm going to say yes and see what the look on her face is. I have two other women online that I have been talking to for over a month, and I would like to meet them if this relationship has hit a dead end.

Mate! ---now yer starting to play games --- I'm outta here

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

karmistry
NW Corner, Connecticut USA

Posted: Jan 1, 2008, 11:33 PM CST

I've had similar instances like Bama & L69. All I can saty is in the end, neither one worked out. Just like we kinda slipped away. Maybe there were some restless spirits awakened. Both had been single for a short time. Was it the chase? Guilty conscious? I dunno.
Just my 2 cents worth....

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

BamaBob
Cullman, Alabama USA

Posted: Jan 1, 2008, 11:35 PM CST

I just don't do the F!@# buddy bit. To me that's like being dirt under some woman's feet. If she doesn't respect me then I might as well just give her my billfold and buy her groceries. I definitely see the great value in being a one woman man for a one man woman.

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

hrt4lse
Redding, California USA

Posted: Jan 2, 2008, 12:03 AM CST

In response to:

I'm kind of going through the same scenario, The girl I am seeing was the same. We dated a little longer, maybe two weeks before we slept together. The sex was great. she even told me that I needed to work on a quickie. ( I'm not bragging here, It's true) And she was the one that told me that she liked sex everyday.
All of a sudden, things cool off for the last couple of weeks. She says that she doesn't want anything more than dating right now, but yet she got pissed at me when I went to my old girlfriends to get the rest of my stuff. She also wants to date other guys, but doesn't want me to date other women. She talks about long term things in a relationship, but doesn't want to commit
Does any of this make any sense? I really like her, and could see committing to her, but nothing makes any sense. I'm at a loss here, and don't know if I should move on or stick it out. Any Ideas?

That sounds like my last boyfriend. After doing the roller coaster for a short time (2 months) I finally got fed up and called it off.

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

BamaBob
Cullman, Alabama USA

Posted: Jan 2, 2008, 9:30 AM CST

When I was younger and rather innocent I placed a totally different value on sex. Nowadays its more like just part of getting to know a lady. It's hardly a sign of commitment. I may have grown to really like or even love a woman but once in bed I may totally fall in love with her or may find that I don't like her so well physically and it ruins what we had emotionally. For me...I want the whole package and will not settle for a bad relationship just to be with a woman that I'm totally thrilled with in bed. I may even, and have had a relationship in which I totally enjoyed being with her but the sex was bad enough to run me off. At my age I do have and anticipate that any woman I meet will have baggage. We will never be able to give 100% of ourselves and must accept that baggage...we've lived a lot of life and we take those experiences into the relationship with us. There is no way to avoid that. We are constantly healing and once we are over the shock of separation and the anxiety of it then we just move on. We simply have no choice but to live with the memories of the past... good or bad. So, yeah, I'm definitely ready to find a good decent woman such as the one I started writing this thread about but I'm definitely not locked on to her. There are many good women out there. So, I'm not worried about finding one. Only problem I have is that I'm rather isolated where I live so am relying heavily on the internet to meet women. However, I may meet one about anywhere I happen to go. From time to time I'm in large building supply stores and Walmart...so those provide lots of opportunity although not much social atmosphere.

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

fireliter
Allen Park, Michigan USA

Posted: Jan 2, 2008, 10:15 AM CST

so many place such an importance on sex... they go as far as calling it "making love"

well last time I experienced it (Love)on those occasions where foreplay was a marathon event it was what was shared afterwards and before the game of sex was initiated.
Making love should be about the act that most other creatures do not have the capability of.

yet somehow instead of calling it "making a life" "sharing pleasure" "sex" its got this "holier than thou" connotation to it "Making Love".
Never have I sex be a the tool to sustain a marriage, rejuvenate, or replace lost love.
Love is so much more than sex.

Someone shares a sexual moment and right away the other stuff the real stuff that will matters years and years down the road, losing its importance its meaning.... and people say they are not sexually motivated i see more sexually motivated types here than those who are after the real stuff.

the thought that grown adults considering sex as the "grand gesture of commitment" sex does not guarantee happiness, least of all love

anyone who says their relationship/marriage ended because their partner was having sex someplace else.... you're relationship was in trouble before that occurred.
Blaming "sex with another" for ending of a relationship is a form a denial.

Excuse my rant too many irons in the fire/pots on the stove.

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

morganlee
marmaris, Aegean Turkey

Posted: Jan 2, 2008, 10:25 AM CST

In response to:

I'm kind of going through the same scenario, The girl I am seeing was the same. We dated a little longer, maybe two weeks before we slept together. The sex was great. she even told me that I needed to work on a quickie. ( I'm not bragging here, It's true) And she was the one that told me that she liked sex everyday.
All of a sudden, things cool off for the last couple of weeks. She says that she doesn't want anything more than dating right now, but yet she got pissed at me when I went to my old girlfriends to get the rest of my stuff. She also wants to date other guys, but doesn't want me to date other women. She talks about long term things in a relationship, but doesn't want to commit
Does any of this make any sense? I really like her, and could see committing to her, but nothing makes any sense. I'm at a loss here, and don't know if I should move on or stick it out. Any Ideas?

Sounds to me like she wants the best of both, to do as she pleases, but for you to be there when she says so. I would say move on.

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

motodad116
Meridian, Idaho USA

Posted: Jan 2, 2008, 10:55 AM CST

In response to:

I don't claim to understand women....but this one puzzles me. I met her online. She is really really a nice, cute, and sweet person. We have an amazingly amount of things in common including where we live, how we live, and what we want. There was NEVER any pressure to do anything. First date was dinner and a drive, all went nice...just a small hug and light kiss. Second date was out for some activities just to get to know each other, grab a beer and a sandwich, then to my place for a movie. She spent the night, we cuddled but no sex. Third date...I delivered dinner to her house, helped her put a few things together she had gotten for Christmas.... a little snuggling. She anticipated my kisses with openness. After a little romance she pulls the cutains closed as she was extremely hot and anxious. She led me to the bedroom. In no way did I ever pressure her for sex. Actually, by the time I was ready to give it to her she was practically begging... Afterwards she spent a very long time in the shower. Tho' she was very nice she seemed distant. Since then she broke the date which she had made with me. I had to encourage her to just be friends and not avoid me because I'm not about to burn that bridge. I don't know what her problem is or if there is one. I just know that she went from extremely hot to wanting to not date and being apprehensive about dating...just wants time. She says she doesn't want to get into casual sex, but after 3 dates and getting to know each other quite well I do not call it casual. For me it was the beginning of a very comfortable relationship...I just don't know, I'm somewhere between puzzled and confused, not hurt but trying to be very understanding since my last relationship ended with me devastated. I certainly do not want to be hurt again and don't want to see anyone hurt... but What's the deal? I've had similar experiences. I know she has feelings for me but surely the sex was not so bad that she ran from me.... the only thing I may have done wrong was to insist on a condom....as much as I hate those things I want to use one until I know I'm the one and only and prefer to see a health certificate.... So...somebody tell me what's going on in her mind? Did my use of a condom make her feel that she is dirty or that I don't trust her?

NO need for emoticon's on this thread. I may not be a genius and I certainly don't know any of the deeper issues with her, but as others are telling U, I believe she is feeling guilt at submitting to U while still holding out hope for another. The Trojan was a mere distraction and absolutly the right thing to do. I say this because I acted like she did towardsd somone I started dating. Wasn't ready for sex yet and she was. She started to push me to just let go of the past so callousely that I had to end it with her. She was right - I needed to let go it was how hard she was about the subject that made me leave. I recommend U do exactly what U are doing but maybe less. Wait for her to find something to finally get angry enough at him at, that she runs to U when she is really ready. Stepping over that line and really letting go for the last time to committ to another is the hardest step I have ever taken. Good luck and whatever U do - don't cry about it.

Back to top

Is this post offensive? If so, Report this post »

Connecting Singles^® Forums100% Free Online Dating

Forums Nav

Forums