Posted: Jan 3, 2008, 8:23 AM CST
…comes out with our friends and plays the role of token adorable guy (Frequency: 1 x a month). Like a designer coat you get for a steal, what’s the fun of talking about your big find if you can’t show it off? A perfect boyfriend isn’t just perfect when we’re alone; he’s perfect in public, too. Years ago, I dated an event planner who, every once in a while would say, “Let’s take your friends out.” He’d book a table somewhere, hail the taxi, pull out our chairs for us, order us drinks, and tell hilarious stories about some recent party fiasco. I couldn’t help beaming with pride when a friend would lean over and whisper, “Oh my God, he’s adorable.” For most women, our friends are our family and a big part of our lives, so we want our boyfriend to fit right in and make a great impression while he does it. What’s the fun of having the perfect guy if no one in the room goes home just a teeny bit jealous?
…surprises us with thoughtful gifts and gestures (Frequency: 1 x a month). This is where those flowers come in. Or a new CD we wanted. Or a sweet text-message at eleven a.m. Big or small, it really is the thought that counts. While visiting my guy in Scotland for a month, I mentioned a few weeks in that I was feeling a little homesick for London. When I woke up the next morning, he was standing there with two teas…and a copy of London’s Time Out, which he’d spent 45 minutes driving around trying to find. The gift itself cost him a few quid, but was priceless in boyfriend points. “Half the fun of a little gift is just knowing that the guy is thinking of you when he’s apart from you,” points out my friend Sue. “It almost doesn’t matter what it is, it’s just the fact that he thought of us while he was doing it.”
…compliments us on things other than our looks (Frequency: 10 times a month). In a movie I can’t help but reference weekly, Something’s Gotta Give, Jack Nicholson’s character tells Diane Keaton’s character, “You’re the funniest girl I ever had sex with.” Perhaps he could have phrased it a bit better, but there’s something magical about a man who notices the more profound, valuable qualities in us—who says things like, “You’re so interesting,” “You’re so intuitive” or “You’re so smart.” Looks fade, so we want a boyfriend who sees the pretty deep down.
…but, yeah, he also tells us we’re beautiful and hot, like, all the time (Frequency: seriously, all the time). It just makes us feel really good. And the return a boyfriend gets on this is quantifiable: The more beautiful we feel, the better girlfriends we are in return.
…gives us cards with stuff written in them (Frequency: birthday, anniversary, and holidays). Gifts from a boyfriend are great, don’t get me wrong. But it’s truly gratifying when said boyfriend also gives us a card with something heartfelt or sweet or cute written inside of it—you know, something more than just our name, his name, “Love” and a little punctuation. It’s not required, of course, but it goes a long, long way.
…calls us on our questionable behaviour (Frequency: well, not too often). My friend Kim mentioned an attribute she appreciates in her current boyfriend. As she puts it: “He calls me on stuff.” Kim is a tough chick who does her on DIY and goes on holiday alone. But when she gets a boyfriend, she says, “I tend to turn into kind of a weepy, girl-tied-to-the-train-tracks type. The other day I asked him to get up and get me a drink, using this weird baby voice, and he was like, “Whoa, what’s with the voice? Now you’re pushing it.’ He was right,” she says, “I w