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Black sun rays fall upon my soul
casting dark shadows
Causing it to become withered and grow cold
my skin starts pealing away
showing the real me in an ugly way
Today, just the same
Tomorrow, just the same
Yesterday is gone, but the pain will never go away
The clock hands are ticking backwards it seems
things that have happened in the past seem to be coming back
Driving the razor blades into my unholy flesh
leaving me here
naked and bare
striped away from all what makes me sane
now drowning in the sorrow of the black sun rays

Every morning I stare outside my window
I watch the sunrise
My empty hollow heart hopes
maybe today will finally hold the key
the key to my existence
but each every day...
the same black words repeat over in my head
I have slowly become numb from pain
I realize I'm alone that I have no one
I have slowly lost any sanity I may have had before
I hoped that today may be different
as the tears roll down my face,
I'm so tired of denighing my feelings
having to watch what I say
what I do
I lay back down, and sob
my pillow is the only thing that I cry into
and that is what hurts the most.

I'm sorry but U are not alone. I know there are alot of people that feel Ur pain if not even more. Ur poem reflects what I try to hide every day for my kids sake and only their's. I know it's a pity-party and I am the only guest. Let me hug U and just try to let U know that U are not so alone

THE DARKNESS LOOMS,
YET THE SKY IS SO BRIGHT,
IT'S OBVIOUS THAT EVERYTHING ISN'T ALRIGHT.
I SEE THE SUN,
THE BIRDS, AND THE BEES,
IT'S LIKE THEY'RE ALL BUZZING FOR EVERYONE BUT ME.
THERE'S HAPPINESS OUT THERE SO WHY CAN'T I FIND IT?
MY HEART IS BREAKING,
AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY,
MY SOUL IS FULL OF SORROW,
AND MY EYES ALWAYS CRY.
I FEEL THIS PAIN,
IT'S BRINING ME DOWN,
PULLING ME FARTHER AND FARTHER TO THE GROUND,
PARALYZING ME SO I CANNOT ESCAPE.
THERE'S HAPPINESS OUT THERE SO WHY CAN'T I FIND IT?
I SEE THE MOON,
THE STARS IN THE SKY,
EVEN THIS BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES.
I SEE THE SMILES,
THE BEAUTY,
THE LAUGHTER,
AND I THINK TO MYSELF.
THERE'S HAPPINESS OUT THERE SO WHY CAN'T I FIND IT?

thank you...
it's not really a pity party...
just been doing a lot of thinking lately...
new year and all...
my friends tell me i think too much...
just trying to clear my head i guess...

She hides her face
when shes not alone
she wears a mask,
but its not her own

It's everyone else
she wants to be
Be just like them
supposedly free

Free from the troubles
the troubles of life
free from sin
and worries and strife

But when night time falls
and she climbs into bed
her mask falls apart
and her heart fills with dread

She screams and she cries
but no one can here
she wants them to know
know all her fear

Her fear of facing
a world with no mask
afraid they wont like her
afraid they wont ask

So she waits for the day
with hope in her heart
when she'll wear her own face
and make her new start

I keep the pain stuffed deep inside of me
I can't afford to let anyone near me
I can't afford to let anyone see the real me
I can't afford to let anyone even hug me

All this pain that's held in me
Why can't I let anyone see the real me
Why can't I let anyone help me
Why can't I let someone just hold me

All this pain that's eating me
Why can't I let go of the pain in me
Why can't I get this pain free from me
Why can't I get this pain out of me

When will the pain stop hurting me
Why can't I just let me feel me
Why can't I just let me be me
Why can't I let someone take this pain from me

The world outside is calling;
calling for me.
I dare not answer;
I must keep to myself.
My emotions I must hold in:
for only me to feel,
for only me to see,
for only me to know,
for me to hide.
I keep them hidden from them,
So no one can know my sorrow.
Locked away from them,
So no one can know my pain.
I let isolation slowly take over;
the world outside is gone.
I am alone;
locked-up with my fear,
my anguish,
my self-doubt,
my mind.

Tears,
the only way to see my pain.

Smiles,
the only window to my heart.

My eyes,
Show so much of my emotions.

I try to hide it,
but everyone knows.

Smiles and tears,
Only shows my character.

Try to be strong for everyone,
I hide tears.

But in my weakness
Others step up to be my smiles.

My tears never out weigh the smiles,
But the smiles come naturally.

Smiles hide My tears.
My tears of sadness.

Tears flow freely,
But only when I is alone.

Smiles flow freely
All the time!

I hide my tears
To keep others from worrying.

I suppress my feelings
To allow others their freedom.

My smiles are always available
But tears are hidden away.

My tears, to show pain
Yet never seen.

My smiles to show my true self
My ever sunny personality.

My always present smiles
My hidden tears
The sum of myself.

I wander through the darkness
Searching for a source of light
I walk alone through this desolate land
A land that some call life
I need to find a fire
To kindle this hearts dieing flame
Someone to search deep inside
Someone who can stand to see my pain
Please don't be afraid of the my shadows
I have been lost for so long
After awhile it's comforting
After all the feeling is gone
Please offer me your hand and show me the way to the light
Help me from this darkness
Help me regain my sight
I Know it's a lot to ask
And I have not much to give
All I have is love
And the rest of this life to live
So help save me from myself
And I will give you all that is left me
Give me a little of yourself
And I will love you endlessly

It seems as if darkness fills my life every day.
But why it does, I can not say.
No one has an idea, not a clue.
It seems as if the darkness is in my mind and in my sight.
Everything I see is as dark as night.
I know I'm not blind but I can't ever see the light.
I may never know if things will be alright.
Darkness is in my veins, my skin, my nails and in my hair.
I won't do anything crazy, I'm not that dumb.
But the pain is unbearable, everything is numb.
The darkness invades what I read, what I write.
but I'll everything will remain locked away tight.
I'll allow no light to guide me through the dark and despair.
I've always known that life isn't fair.
Darkness kreeps all around me, everywhere I go.
You won't see it but it's there, I know.
No one shall see my pain or see my tear.
Happiness seems to be my biggest fear.
Darkness goes through me every second of my day.
Even as I stand and as I lay.
There will be this ebony shadow, instead of a heart.
And there will always be my pain inside, tearing me apart.
My darkness shall stay with me until I die.
And deep in the shadow, when I say goodbye.
And my soul from out that shadow, that lies floating on the floor.

I know all too well the feeling of being alone.
ALONE is the empty feeling that

creeps into the cold bed at night,
wiggling its way into the heart and

mind of it's prey. It settles on
the soul of this victim, smothering

the flames of life that burn there.
Like storm clouds, it rolls in,

shading the bright light beaming
outward, and with one quick stomp,

destroys the precious flower that
was growing so peacefully before.

It's a cold breath, blowing all the
warmth and security away, until

goosebumps rise on my skin,
and from my eyes…

the rain starts to fall

I'm sorry, I meant me. I am just a party animal Can't U tell they would cost money if they were any bigger

My pain is deep,
There is no blood,
There are no tears,
Where it hurts is deep inside,

The silently the tears stream down my face,
With each tear my pain only grows deeper,
Down, down, down,
They just keep silently falling down,

My future I see as cloudy,
My past I see just as dark,
At this fork in the road,
I don't know what direction to take,

Silently the tears stream down my face,
I squeeze my eyes shut tight,
Hoping I can will them away,
But doing so only makes more spill silently out,

I silently cry myself asleep,
Hoping my tears will be gone when morning comes,
But they're still there,
Accompanied by the pain,

Silently the tears stream down my face,
I reluctantly try and go on with life,
Hoping that not a soul will ever notice,
I keep my tears ever so silent.

I understan what you mean...
Join me in the mire and much of the past then...
air your pain...
cry your tears...
let go of last year...

I'm going to steal some of this and post it on my site, OK? It's beautiful

you're more than welcome... what sight is it by the way?

Look at her and her great smile,
the woman with the slightly graying hair.
You would think she never had a care,
just strolling along headed nowhere.

Watch her closely and after a while,
you might just see the pain she hides deep inside.

She puts up such a front for everyone on the outside.
The misery and hurt she tries so hard to hide.

Dark glasses she uses them to cover her eyes
They make her look normal when someone walks by.

Ask how she is doing and great she will say.
When in reality it's all a front.
that woman is just trying to survive another day.

In her room at night she does cry.
Her heart broken so bad she sometimes feels she will die.

No ones sympathy does she seek.
Tomorrow she will put up her front again.
Swearing to herself they will never know she is so weak.

I hide behind my mask
My face is kept blank from practice
My feelings kept well hidden
Deep within my heart a chamber is overfilled with emotions
Overflowing from never having been let out.

Until the point comes
When they're too just much to bear
I have no choice but to give in.
I'm all alone in my room
They force their way out
In silent tears

When I'm able... I pick myself back up
I wipe the evidence of any tears from my face
I put on a mask of face that only smile
And walk I back into the world
Like nothing is wrong.

The truth I'll leave behind
Safely locked within the confides of my bedroom.
My only escape

I put my mask back on.