Need some friends.. Help me :'(

Daniel4021
Somewhere, Tennessee USA

Posted: Jan 9, 2008, 11:01 AM CST

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Ok, So My Baby's father showed up yesterday around 1ish to give me a handfull of paper work that just so happens to be that he wants full custody of the baby when she is born. I have no idea how he manages to do it but he told me his lawyer said he has a good shot. I was completly blind sided by this and have no idea what to do..

Best thing I can tell you is to watch how you conduct yourself, so he can pull up any dirt on you.. that will help a lot...

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ooby_dooby
Ashland, Virginia USA

Posted: Jan 9, 2008, 11:11 AM CST

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Be very careful here. Don't let pride or present circumstances stand in the way of ensuring that your child is taken care of properly for at least the next 18 years. I don't respect women (or men, for that matter) who try to rake someone over the coals regarding child support, but the basic support needs must be met and you may find yourself in a situation some day that may make it extremely difficult to provide for your child. I hope this won't be the case, but one never knows. Raising a child as a single parent is tough and the expenses are incredible. Don't shoot yourself in the foot.

If I could expand on this excellent point. In the eyes of the law,

CHILD SUPPORT IS THE PROPERTY OF THE CHILD!

A parent doesn't have the legal right to waive child support from the non custodial parent. BTW, this is true in all 50 states. Those that do this are really giving away the childs money. Many people do, heck I did it myself, you can't get blood out of a turnip. If the biological dad isn't a homeless beggar or doing 20 years in the pen, then he should have to contribute to the cost of raising the child he helped to create.

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lenababi
Santa Barbara, California USA

Posted: Jan 9, 2008, 11:44 AM CST

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If I could expand on this excellent point. In the eyes of the law,

CHILD SUPPORT IS THE PROPERTY OF THE CHILD!

A parent doesn't have the legal right to waive child support from the non custodial parent. BTW, this is true in all 50 states. Those that do this are really giving away the childs money. Many people do, heck I did it myself, you can't get blood out of a turnip. If the biological dad isn't a homeless beggar or doing 20 years in the pen, then he should have to contribute to the cost of raising the child he helped to create.

hey might as well just put the money in the bank every week/month for college. I don't even wanna know how much it'll cost in 18 years damn thats crazy. Thanks.

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raavana
gampaha Sri Lanka

Posted: Jan 9, 2008, 12:24 PM CST

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Lena

Maybe try a different approach and come up with something that suits you both.. Being the dad.. he DOES have a right to be in the babies life. (whether the mum likes it or not)

If he feels like this.. then he is PROBABLY always going to be on your *Ass* about it.

You could take a deep breath... hold your tongue.. (and ask him to do the same) Have a good talk with him.. both lay your cards on the table and see what you can both agree on.

It's soooooooo much easier for all of you that way..

Than the (possible) miserable YEARS of fighting,

that only hurts you ALL.

excellent IDEA...!!!

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Tenerifediver
Tenerife, Canarias Spain

Posted: Jan 9, 2008, 12:47 PM CST

I agree. you must also address the nagging question: what makes him a better guardian than you in the eyes of a lawyer? Are you being...straight? Not getting up to naughty stuff?
What I'm saying is.....have they got something on you?

Good luck
Graham

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doug_344
grand rapids, Michigan USA

Posted: Jan 9, 2008, 1:13 PM CST

from experience in my custody battle make sure you document any contact he has with you!!! evn the minor things!! i went through hell getting custody of my son.. the only thing that did it was the stable home and work. and the court mediators recomending i get it!! it took me 2 years of proving he was better off with me before i got custody!!!

keep your chin up!!!

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Fallenangel74
southern, British Columbia Canada

Posted: Jan 9, 2008, 1:36 PM CST

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I don't think so, like I'm not a druggie, I have a home and a job, I don't know what he could use against me unless its stuff from my teen years but does that even count.

I just think he's gonna pull the military card and just chock me up to be some slut.

Your teen age years do not count here...unless you were abusing kids you baby sat. otherwise he doesnt have a leg to stand on. i went through this with my ex and it got to the oint where i said the kid isnt yours anyways...it slipped my mind you werent the only one i think i had someone else that week too...hmm? dont know it might cost you a lot to find out but dont know if it is yours it is a waste of money honey?
As for military card F that! doesnt mean s*** he cant use that.
If you are a good person love and treat your baby right.there is no reason for him to win, or take the baby. Hell i went through a child getting injured,and the guy still trying to pin it on me....didnt work! I was a good mom and took parenting courses and all that to prove it and leave a paper trail behind me. Paper trails are awesome for winning court cases.
Any ways get yourself a good family lawyer, Breath deep and maybe think of some good ways to get a thick paper trail as to back you up! good Luck...

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Aries01
Dublin, Dublin Ireland

Posted: Jan 9, 2008, 2:19 PM CST

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from experience in my custody battle make sure you document any contact he has with you!!! evn the minor things!! i went through hell getting custody of my son.. the only thing that did it was the stable home and work. and the court mediators recomending i get it!! it took me 2 years of proving he was better off with me before i got custody!!!

keep your chin up!!!

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lenababi
Santa Barbara, California USA

Posted: Jan 9, 2008, 2:24 PM CST

In response to:

I agree. you must also address the nagging question: what makes him a better guardian than you in the eyes of a lawyer? Are you being...straight? Not getting up to naughty stuff?
What I'm saying is.....have they got something on you?

Good luck
Graham

Nothing on me i'm a good girl

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lenababi
Santa Barbara, California USA

Posted: Jan 9, 2008, 2:25 PM CST

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Your teen age years do not count here...unless you were abusing kids you baby sat. otherwise he doesnt have a leg to stand on. i went through this with my ex and it got to the oint where i said the kid isnt yours anyways...it slipped my mind you werent the only one i think i had someone else that week too...hmm? dont know it might cost you a lot to find out but dont know if it is yours it is a waste of money honey?
As for military card F that! doesnt mean s*** he cant use that.
If you are a good person love and treat your baby right.there is no reason for him to win, or take the baby. Hell i went through a child getting injured,and the guy still trying to pin it on me....didnt work! I was a good mom and took parenting courses and all that to prove it and leave a paper trail behind me. Paper trails are awesome for winning court cases.
Any ways get yourself a good family lawyer, Breath deep and maybe think of some good ways to get a thick paper trail as to back you up! good Luck...

ah No, beating up kids that i baby sat..

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dcj22
Somewhere, Minnesota USA

Posted: Jan 9, 2008, 3:04 PM CST

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yeah, I have no idea what he's thinking either, I don't get how he'd even have a chance seen as he's been missing for 5 months...

But i have to ease the stress spent all yesterday in the hospital after he left i collapsed my blood pressure sky rocketed thank god everythings ok.

My God. You're pregnant. You don't need this shit. Hun - he has to prove that you would be an unfit mother. Do you have anything on him, you already have that he's been missing all these months, think of anything and everything. Throw everything you've got at him. Only deal with this sperm donor through your lawyer and make sure you've got a mean son of a bitch.

And please try to take care of yourself. I know it's hard. Explain the situation to your doctor. THis is too stressful for you and Leyla - if that's still her name.

Baby, I am just hurting for you.

What else can we do? You know we are all here for you. Please know that.

dana

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dcj22
Somewhere, Minnesota USA

Posted: Jan 9, 2008, 3:06 PM CST

That's another thing.I didn't put a fathers name on the birth certificate. That would take time for him to request through the court that he is the father - paternity tests and all that.

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lenababi
Santa Barbara, California USA

Posted: Jan 9, 2008, 3:07 PM CST

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My God. You're pregnant. You don't need this shit. Hun - he has to prove that you would be an unfit mother. Do you have anything on him, you already have that he's been missing all these months, think of anything and everything. Throw everything you've got at him. Only deal with this sperm donor through your lawyer and make sure you've got a mean son of a bitch.

And please try to take care of yourself. I know it's hard. Explain the situation to your doctor. THis is too stressful for you and Leyla - if that's still her name.

Baby, I am just hurting for you.

What else can we do? You know we are all here for you. Please know that.

dana

thanks, your wonderful well you all are

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