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Does anyone know much about pre-arranged marriages? I think pre-arranged marriages are a kind of fascinating concept. But, I don't know very much at all on this subject, and would love to hear other people's knowledge, opinions, thoughts, experiences, etc.. on the topic. Do they work? Are they still practiced anywhere? Do the partners come to love one another? Are they done for reasons other than money/power? Know anyone who has first hand experience with this?

I heard my Dad say that he thinks we should return to the practice, he didn't really elaborate.

I haven't put much thought into it, I don't know any couples, and their children that well I suppose. Now you've got me curious.

I did make the decision to settle in Texas. my Dad was Air Force, and we moved alot. I never really had any life-long freindships. I have met married couples that have known each other since kindergarden, and was always secretly jealous of that. I want my daughter to have that opportunity, to develop those kinds of relationships. I guess that's as close as I've come so far to arranging anything for her. I suppose when she is a teen I might have to arrange some break-ups for her.

I've heard of them and understand they are still common in some parts of the world, mostly in more sedentary cultures where the opportunity to travel and socialise isn't as great, or where pragmatism overrules individual wants. That sounds cold doesn't it, but they wouldn't be my cup of tea at all.
As for whether they work or not, I'd imagine that as with all human endeavours some do and some don't. I hate to think what life must be like for those that don't. Love is an entirely different matter but as a romantic I'd like to think that love grows in at least some of them.

Still happens here in certain area's that aren't so westernized, there is acceptence because it is the culture and belief the family know's better, have meet people that are really happy and think our way is odd.

It seems completely alien to me being as I am from a different culture. I see marriage as first and formostly an expression of commitment between two people who, more than anything else, love each other.

In fact, I'd nearly go so far as to say I have no wish to ever be married. I would certainly like to find a soulmate but if I was ever to be so lucky I'd have no interest in ringfencing them with laws and offialdom, for me love in itself should be sufficient and I see no need to proclaim it to the rest of the world.

But that's a different topic, to get back on track... to force together two people who may have never set eyes on each other, who may have nothing in common or who may even actively dislike each other, is in my opinion nothing short of being something completely terrible. Go on BobBilly I hear you say, tell us what you really think!

Maybe I'm ignorant of get-out clauses and the like and it's certainly great to hear that some people do get on, but that would just happen to be the luck of the draw and I don't think that it in any way vindicates such a marriage.

As you can see, I can probably be accused of approaching this from the side of the heart rather than the pragmatism which may have brought about this custom in some cultures, but that's just me, away with the fairies I am

I was in a pre-arranged marriage, got out of it two years ago. It was pre-arranged by Satan...I just didn't know it!!

Can only comment on what i have seen here but, it seems that the couple involed do know each other from childhhood and are familiar with each others families, they have a courtship period as we would, they don't feel forced because it's expected and normal and this is the way there parents were married. The belief of my friend (whose husband was choosen for her) is that her parents knew he could provide for her, support her, and she agreed that she was not experienced enough in life to make that decision. wisely.

Anyone for an "arraingement"???

Many cultures still have them with minor variations, even here in Europe among the old, aristocracy whose families go back several centuries as opposed to the money power based of the "nouveau-riche" bourgeoisie. The customs are not what the morons of Hollywood like to portray them.
The old ways are based primarily on alliances and blood lines; the "others" simply for accumulating wealth...mergers in the clear business sense; signed and sealed agreements, codicils, pre and post nuptials, etc, You name it. It is as cold as one can get.
While "agreements" and "arrangements" can be by the parents or the highest ranking of a family, they are not binding; there are no blood oaths, so "marriage ceremonies" of children who are betrothed. The customs usually are held in honour; if there is no love between the 2 parties at an age of legal consent, the "pact", etc. is canceled and they are free to find on their own, but their relatives will also keep looking for a suitable match nevertheless...Over the thousands of years this has been going on, it is fairly safe to say that all the old aristocracy are somehow, related by someone, somewhere, somewhen...as is said..."our cousins".
Other countries, especially in the far east have very strict taboos, penalties for either man or woman, usually the poor woman gets all the crap in the more primitive societies or extremists of any religion etc.
African tribes have their customary rites of arrangements, dowries of animals, who builds the wedding hut, etc. etc. It all comes down to maintaining stability for the tribe, be the marriage for / out of love if lucky or out of alliances. It still stops internal wars between related clans...gee...just like in our old days all over Europe, be we Scot, Welsh. Saxon, Latin or Teutonic...however, that being said, the proverbial "monkey wrench" into all this is the absolute power of the Kings who could ignore any and all customs...setting off a multitude of negative reactions...ie. wars just to satisfy his own selfish lusts..., now there no more Kings , Emperors etc. at least for now...well, no system is perfect but with a bit of fine tuning it works just fine. Divorce is virtually non-existent and dysfunctional families are not the norm, but as with any people, there always those who go to excess with any of the many harmful modes of living available today. The old custom of introducing young marriageable couples to each other still takes place at various "social clubs", "salons" for the socially and intellectually sought after, etc. etc. All very low key, very civilized...whereas it seems to be the norm with the "Stocks and Bonds" crowds to be excessive and always in bad taste...JMO %D
Met lots of "isolated" European farming communities in Soth America of Mennonites, even Amish in Maryland , Pennsylvania to Mexico and all had their own versions of it ...even Hutterites. It works fine....jmo.
Apologies for the lenth....

Not long ago I was going to sign a prenup. SHe wouldn't buy me that new Harley though..

I had to walk away....

Dam Ship you know my X?

What if you are absolutely disgusted and horrifiied when you face your new reality?

I guess what I'm getting a bee in my bonnet over is whether or not it's a forced marriage ? If the couple themselves are happy to go along with things, then I guess that's fair enough in a way, albeit I would be sad that they have such little faith and confidence in themselves and have no hope or expectation that they might find love someday. Where is the job in that

Agh, can I not edit a post ? I mistyped job instead of joy, doh.

I agree, some parts of Turkey still live by the old customs and it is completely normal. Other parts of the country are much more European in my friends situation she felt she was guided and was happy her parents choice.

I think it tragic when you hear of situations when one person has been bought up in a european culture and then sent back to there country of origin to marry someone that they don't and have to adapt to that culture.

Hi girlnextdoor

Arranged marriages are and have been the trend in most of the East for decades now.
Only in present times we have begun to witness a slow change towards choosing your partner and it is quite often termed " westernization "

What happens is the family chooses a match based on many criteris. Family background ( lot of other family details ) , horoscope matching ( most of the times) , location , occupation etc.
Sometimes dep. on te family outlook the boy/girl have a say in the matter. And that is it.

In recent times, love marriages have cropped in to the scene. Even then usually it is within the culture , religion and sometimes community and the rest of the ritual and ceremonies follow likewise.

Ermmm.. Are arranged marriages successful ? Considering this is a time old trdition and divorce rates stilll havent gone upt hat far .. yes they are !!!

Do the partners love each other ? We are talking about a society where Education is limited to the man or woman who are educated like to fit in to the society mould. Further, familt dynamics is based on a large value system and caring and compromising so they do love each other in many cases.
On the other hand, if we cosider " one doest miss what one is unaware of " this holds good with a large section to. The lack of options to make a choice.

Its a gamble like in a love marriage but a bigger gamble at a personal level and lesser at the family and society level.

sorry about the spelling errors.

riya,

I appreciate all your information! It was very helpful.
I think pre-arranged marriages are an honorable thing based on what I know.

Thankyou ..

Yes it is considered very honorable.