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Bob - Here’s the insight I can offer. And most of this is babbling until the last paragraphs, lol.
I'm posting this in 2 parts because I'm way too talkative for my own good.

Part 1:
A lot of people see “Singles dating site”, and because they are specifically looking for marriage or a life-long partner, they tend to equate a singles dating site with other singles whom are looking for the same thing. However, in the small print here at CS it says “thousands of smart, sexy singles who are seeking friendship, romance, dating or activity partner just like you. Whether you are looking for just a friend to hang out with, marriage, or a long term relationship”. So, Yes, it’s a place for single people who are searching for a life-long soul mate, husband, wife, etc.. AND Yes, it’s also just a place for single people to hang out and yuck it up with other single people.

I know I’ll get trash talked for saying this but….. My only contention really is that CS does specifically state (by it’s name alone even), that this is designated as a place for SINGLES, and I find a LOT of people on here who are already hooked up, going steady, not looking, engaged, and even married. I truly do believe to keep in the spirit of servicing SINGLES, that once people have found their “match”, they should have the courtesy to leave, so the CS remains available for SINGLES. –Unless- CS plans to change their face page and PR to “a place for everybody to hang out” and completely discontinue the whole theme of a site dedicated to singles.

Just since I’ve been here I see the dichotomy of types of people that frequent here. From what I’ve seen, those who are more interested in actively pursuing long-term relationships don’t stick around long, as it becomes a heavy task to try to sift and sort through the immense crowds of people who are really just wanting to play and flirt on the internet. Those just wanting to flirt and play have the world at their disposal here. This is a fabulous place for singles who don’t want to get into the heavy duty obligations of serious partner seeking. The majority of the forum posts are upbeat, giggly, gaming types of interaction that are light, fun, friendly, and don’t leave a thick fog of things to sort through mentally once one logs off. People looking for deeper serious long-term relationships are normally more interested in learning about potential partners on a deeper level. They want to explore morals, values, ethics, religious beliefs, political inclination, child rearing policies, etc.. They want to contemplate those heavier issues in their minds once they log off, because one of their primary focuses in life right now is to find a soul mate, and one can’t do that without exploring the soul. And occasionally there come along some folks who have a little bit of interest in both groups.

Please let me emphasize that one group is not in any way better than the other. All of us are people, and most of us are here for (I hope) the legitimate reason of being a single person looking for other single people…. for whatever reason that may be. The majority here is the former group of people who want lighthearted fun instead of exploration of the soul. Therefore, the majority of what happens on CS happens by those people. Is that a good thing? A bad thing? I think it’s just a thing. Is it frustrating to the more serious folks? Well sure. It’s always frustrating to be in search of something and when you think you have an opportunity to find it, you realize you might be on the wrong path.
(to be continued on my next post)

Part 2:
I personally don’t get enough intellectual stimulation at CS like I thought I would. In fact, I’m waiting on membership approval at a more intellectual site, and once joined and I’ve gotten to know the people there on their forums, I’ll probably spend less time here. I feel my chances of finding a compatible soul mate are more likely at a site where I have more in common with the population. Will I leave CS forever? Probably not until I’m not single anymore.

I think CS is a wonderful site. It is admirable that someone takes their time and resources to designate a FREE site to others to come together. This is *the only* singles dating site I am personally aware of that offers as much as it does for free. It isn’t nearly as raunchy and sex-oriented as other dating sites (though I have seen threads here get risqué at times). It can certainly be no easy feat for the owners and moderators here to try to balance everyone’s wishes. No one can please everyone. The most anyone can do is please the majority. And I think they do. If you asked anyone on CS “Do the mods do their best to please most of the people most of the time?” I think they’d agree that they do. But… like I said, the majority here seems to be people who are not seriously looking for life long partnerships and marriages. CS is a wonderful site and I would highly recommend it for people who really want to have a fun time playing and flirting online. That is in high demand right now and CS does a great job of meeting that demand.

Are there ways on CS to pursue more serious relationships? Absolutely. Email your local people. Send flowers, discuss things with them. Blog. When people comment on your blog, make contact with them. Read other people’s blogs and comment. Recognize birthdays, rate photos. There are tons of things you can do on CS that will help a monogamist get one back out in the “dating” scene, learn to take rejection gracefully, and maybe meet a few local people.

You specifically asked about threads in the forum, and this is the last point I’ll touch on. (I promise)

The majority of other forums I am, or have been a member of, the main page for the forums is generally a page that lists the categories or rooms (Announcements, Religion, Lounge, Politics, Gaming Room, Etc…) Then a member can click into the category of choice, and all the most recent threads *in that category* are listed. If they want to go from threads about religion to threads about name that tune, they click back to the main page and then click on the gaming room category for recent threads that are word games and such.

I’m not sure why CS doesn’t follow this same format that’s so common on other sites, but I think it would take care of a LOT of the complaints I’ve seen (and voiced) since I’ve been here. I know that to the left of each thread there is a category listed, but there is not (that I have been able to find) a MAIN page that lists all the categories. The main page here just lists the most recent 20 or so threads in ALL categories. If the main page were laid out into categories, people wouldn’t need to sift through pages and pages to find their interest. They could just say “I hang out in the gaming room. That’s where we play word association games, post clipart, etc” or for people like the OP here, they could say “I hang out in the serious/monogamy/marriage-seekers room where we discuss gender roles in the home” or whatever…

By the way, if CS ever did want to implement this Main page of categories, I could offer them some sites to go take a look at that have excellent forum formats (though raunchy people).

Ok, I'll shush up now.

Hopes, Dreams, Serious Relationship, Ultimate Goals...

Hang in there, it will come someday

...Or at least thats what I have been telling myself for 3 years

No no no, that's what I hate about other sites. If you want to just read say current events or religion, you can jump to that at the bottom of the main page, or just click on the topic of any post, and it will show just the posts in that category.

The forums is not the most effecient way of finding someone, though it happens, it's mostly for fun. Anyone really interested in getting to know others close enough to them to actually meet can search members in their area, send a flower or introductory email, and see where it goes from there. Time spent looking is never wasted, ya never know where you'll find it till you do.

it's only a ......

It makes me sad to see so many people making remarks about people looking for friends , attached , considering a relationship or even married cos it seems to obstruct in some way their pursuit in finding someone serious.

Maybe one should appeal to CS instead to make the changes one thinks necessary as CS has provided the option themselves.

There are people who have found serious partners inspite of these apparent intricacies. And the ones who are looking still .. maybe no one would be in a better position to comment about it than they themselves ....

In my personal experience , i have been on serious websites as mentioned purely for relationship or marriage purposes and pretty decent ones. But i would admit the people were worse. These forums happening to be a mix of people makes the environment comfortable and not " target oriented ' as it would feel.

If what we are looking for is stimulation of the mind and compatibility it can be spotted from a distance when you see it. And the practical difficulties need to be sorted out in any case.

Besides, personally, i would first be friends get to know the person and then pursue a relationship as real life is an altogether different deal. While it does help avoid some of the despicable approaches people use to drive you insane just cos they are looking for their soulmate.. like its mandatory for you to be their sacrificial lamb.

And people do mention on their profiles their relationship status or intentions so again does help to sort out .

I think there are lot many single people " looking for friends " who wouldnt mind falling for the right person.

well , JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION.

Thank you Riya.
Once again, well said.

:)

I agree ........ people have the right to be here, but in saying that, I think that others also deserve the right to know the person's intentions in being here. If their in a relationship - state that, if they are truly not looking for a relationship - state that etc.

I'm sure that many are here simply for friendships ... with the hope that something further will develop over time. I think if one is "serious" - it doesn't mean that they can find someone on such a site as this. This is simply another avenue for meeting people. I myself, have not encountered any people who are married - many that are separated and I steer clear because I want someone that is "totally free" in case a relationship develops.

Perhaps a matchmaking service would be better suited to you?

Good question! I don't think I have a problem with that, as I've found that most people that are really "not looking", already married etc, usually state that on their profile, and with some others it's enough to read a few of their replies on the forum to realize that they are not really looking.

If I like someone's ideas and go to their profile only to find that they are already "taken" or are not looking, that is fine with me - it just means proof that they do exist (people that I'd find interesting), and I just need to keep looking. ;)

Hey mouse, now that was a mouthful...

You mean we should have a selection of either..

1) Looking for lurrrve threads (seriously boring stuff )

2)looking for fun filled times and intimate encounters

Sounds a good idea in theory.... but could be problems if all the hot fit members go in the "lurrve threads" instead of the "lust threads".. and vice versa.....

I'm still waiting............and patiently i might add

Maybe it is.....but hey I wanna keep dreaming.....

I met my babe here. Staying though!




Staying For my friends and haters (wouldn't want you getting bored).

Good for you Lush.....happy you met your babe here.....hard to get rid of a bad thing anyhow.....

I keep coming back...like a bad memory.






When i get married someday, i'll make sure to post my wedding pics. Haters, get your buckets.

On a serious note, there are some really good people on Cs and don't be too hard on yourselves if you haven't met 'that one'. Give yourself no expectation and let life surprise you.

Everything in it's own time i believe!

Just try and imagine if 'mouse' and Riya set up a website together,,,it could be one of the greatest websites in the world, for singles, for those seeking romance and/or marriage; for those just seeking the warmth of human friendship as well as all those who like to have open dialogue with the rest of Humanity...It could be a true human experience of a lifetime...
Bravo to the both of you for your well thought out and compassionate posts. (Hope is alive and well with two like you around!%))

Part of the problem, as I see it is that many people truly do not know what they want. Plenty think they want a relationship but when they are contacted and asked to meet they disappear.

Then there are those that think they do not want to be in a relationship but like to come here to flirt, chat, perhaps give the benefit of their superior insight to the confused here on the forums.
Next thing you know they have begun an innocent dialogue with someone that turns out to be a person of interest and both are considering moving across the country or the ocean.

So by limiting the forums you are apt to be stuck with the non committal fickle folks while missing out on the insightful and witty.

I didn't see the proposition as "limiting" the forums at all.
On the contrary, I saw it as expanding the forums by adding an additional category, and organizing them for easier access to the ones we think might interest us.