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Include your best cat stories, or catch stories. No clause/claws in this contract.

Sorry no can do. Allergic to cats, try to stay away from them as much as possible.

shamelessly copied from google;

How to Bathe a Cat


1. Thoroughly clean toilet.

2. Lift both lids and add shampoo.

3. Find and soothe cat as you carry him to bathroom.

4. In one swift move, place cat in toilet, close both lids and stand on top, so cat cannot escape.

5. The cat will self agitate and produce simple suds. (Ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this)!

6. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides power rinse, which is quite effective.

7. Have someone open outside door, stand as far from toilet as possible and quickly lift both lids.

8. Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors, where he will air dry.

I have flushed the toilet, with Frizzy close by. She jumps on the seat and has her own little entertainment session, watching the whirly flush, then bobbing her head for every bubble thereafter...

haha, sounds cute

I used to have a dog who ran along the shore line trying to catchthe whole sea

Punishing Your Human Being

Sometimes, despite your best training efforts, your human will stubbornly resist bending to your whim. In these extreme circumstances, you may have to punish your human. Obvious punishments, such as scratching furniture or eating household plants, are likely to backfire--the unsophisticated humans are likely to misinterpret the activities and then try to discipline YOU. Instead, we offer these subtle but nonetheless effective Alternatives:

Use the cat box during an important formal dinner.

Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic interlude.

Stand over an important piece of electronic equipment and
feign a hairball attack.

After your human has watched a particularly disturbing horror film, stand by the hall closet and then slowly back away, hissing and yowling.

While your human is sleeping, lie on its face.

My cat is horny right now...and shes driving me crazy with her dreadful meeooooowww!!!

OK trust me, I have done this. The on thing you wanna make sure of is that you have a pir of Kevlar gloves on!
Those claws will rip through your flesh like razors!!!!

So is mine.

I have never been turned off by moaning until now...

couldnt resist


"And God Created DOG to LOVE Man and CAT teach to him HUMILITY"



It is reported that the following edition of the Book of Genesis was discovered in the Dead Seal Scrolls.

And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me.

Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility."

And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved.

And Cat did not care one way or the other.

it is a horrible sound...LOL

Unless you are either in love, or caught up in the moment....

ohhhh tumpa...

Tonight, the cat sounds enraged.

Is there such a thing as a "heat" seeking missile?

I guess, just 'cause you like me...

Sounds like my siamese. With here around there is no such thing as privacy in the bathroom. She's even reached in while the flush is going on....lol

I have many many funny stories.I will share 2 now.Always had cats.
My siamese was very protective of me and as most of his breed is.
The first night my fianc'e slept with me,it was a crisis,since the cat slept next to me.He attacked the poor guy and he tried from other side,no way he was getting in our bed.In time she allowed it .

Mario a mix that I have now when he was 5 saved my life.Gas leak from hot water tank.Iwas sleeping.He kept pawing and howlong till I woke,felt stomach pain, got up,smelled the gas downstairs grabbed him and got out.They said it was so bad both cat and I since night time,should have died from it,got out about an hour in time,was really sick,so was he.My Hero

Yeah for Mario!!!

Thanks he says back.
Seriously you hear stories of animals doing things saving people or other animals.Strsnge,but Iknow now it's true.He got tuna fish for 2 days.