Connecting Singles^® Forums100% Free Online Dating

Is it possible to spend ten years with a caring human being who turns self-centred after the split? How does one reconcile the new person with the old? Is it all about resentment and bitterness after a split?

That's a very good question .... Hmmm ... 10 years?! I think more details needed to be known before I could make my opinion. But i bet they are personal and you would not let me know them ... and I do respect and understand it.

So my answer would be: Everything is possible

After a split it either turns out better or worse, depending on how long you have been split up it could change again.

I think it depends on whether or not both parties wanted the split. If one person wanted to continue the relationship there is going to be hurt... and when a person is hurt it is very easy for negative emotions to come to the surface. You reconcile these differences with time, time to allow them to move on in their life and find some happiness but in some cases people never do get over it and you just have to accept that.

JMO

It's possible for a person to turn inward after a split. Sometimes it's a defense mechanism for the hurt that he/she feels has been inflicted upon them.

But what the hell do I know?


No need to thank me, it's my pleasure.

i guess it takes time. split was mutual though initiated by me and though I'm the one who wanted to make things work i never called names or got bitter about how much time and energy I invested in a relationship that ended.

You initiated the split.....and now he's bitter? It wasn't mutual, friend. Maybe, a bit cordial...but not mutual. What you are experiencing is a SPURNED LOVER......

Time usually heals that wound......lots of time.

Often when you split after a long term relationship the feelings around are difficulte to explain especially for the one who didn't really want break up . I think you go thro a series of emotions, similiar to that of a breavement before you are able to move on . When ppl are hurt they lash out and say things they don't mean. He needs time to accept and adapt jmo

I don't think it's the case. We had started drifting apart due to difficult circumstances which marked the entire ten years together. he said he needed time to figure things out and we both agreed that the only way to break the deadlock was to go separate ways. We're now living in different countries. Six weeks into the split he came on holiday to see me and after going back to London said he'd come back to patch things up but saw that I hadn't changed. He's costantly going on about how unhappy he was over the past year how much he had given up etc. and for three months I've been on the receiving end of a lot of anger where any discussion turns into an argument. Whatever I say he says I do his head in yet he keeps in touch and initiates contact. I can't make heads or tails of his behaviour. It's all very confusing. He's becoming very bitter and self centred and this is not the person I know.

When my husband an i split he told me all his friends how great his life was, how he had been re born! Then he was asking me out to dinner saying how he knew everything had been his fault and he wanted we back, when i refused all the abuse and telling me how I had ruined his life resumed . This irrational behaviour has gone on for 4 yrs now, i received a text last week asking how i was, the previous one was that he was going to killl me so me to

I think this is another of the easy ones,
Sounds like he did not appreciate what he had when he was with you.
got to run his own way for a while and found out the grass wasn't so green on the other side,, so then he wanted to try to work on your relationship. I would say.. if you are happy how things are now,, don't worry about him. he will get over it sooner or later.

Isn't this kind of like unscrewing a pregnant woman?

human nature we fall in love with some then we try and change them to be what we really desire. Forgeting that this was the person we fell for in the first place

When a split happens people get scared of new beings When a person is scared they lash out at Ex partners, and try to cling to whats familiar be it processions or friends. Sounds to me your both still clinging together you both need to except the split and move on it may sound clinical. One of you might be clinging to some hope that your will get back together so this will make the split double hard

I think you're right. We're both having a hard time accepting and are clinging on to what's familiar. We both agree we don't want to lose the friendship but i guess it takes time to settle to being just friends. Unfortunately I cannot justify the bitterness or anger.

I'm afraid its time to let go. Or time to see if you can make ago of it. If you decide to end it you need a clean break from each other no more false hope you can't cling together you are no longer a couple. Sorry to be so blunt but you can't have it both ways.