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if the father of your child would not pay child support. After giving ample time for the father to redeem himself and face up to his responsibilities the mother turned to the courts for justice. The child was by then 5yrs and 4 months old before the maintenance was sought. He was proven to be the father, (on HIS insistence of a paternity test) He knew without a shred of a doubt that he was the father, he just had to be ugly about the whole thing. The case went in favour of the mother and he was ordered to pay maintenance in which to this day he refuses to do so. The child is now 10 yrs old. He (the father is now boasting and bragging about his new grandchild, the fifth in all) and still he refuses to support his own child. What would you do??

have the CSA been involved Eve?

I suppose putting up posters to embarrass him is out of the question? Sueing him? Sticking pins in a doll of him sounds a good move!

Well if the courts aren't garnishing his wages by now then I wouldn't say you got any justice.

Plus...Sounds like he doesn't have anything to do with his kids so move on and live like he does not exist anymore. If he is like that than he doesn't deserve to see his children anyway.

Be thankful the fathers name wasnt peterson!

do you have a court order for support?

It hurts a child deeply when their father refuses to assist in their support. Not only do they have to go without things, they also feel unloved.

They can grow up thinking things like "If my own father doesn't love me how can anyone else?" They may doubt that their mother truly loves them and push her to prove it.

Sometimes, it is better to just walk away. In the US, a father looses his rights after failure to support for X amount of time.

It is expensive and difficult to raise a child alone. Its sometimes lonely -- you want to call the other person who is supposed to love the child as much as you when your child is hurt.

Hugs to you and your son.

Not only that....If you are worried about what the other parent is or isn't doing all the time it can affect the way you parent. I agree..It is better to just walk away and forget about the other person.

I got divorced when my daughter was 3 years old.....she is now 22. Her father NEVER paid one penny of child support all those years. Going to court did not help at all.


What did I do? Raised my daughter on my own. She is a happy, healthy, intelligent, successful young woman whom I am extremely proud of!!!!! The joy of my life!!!!

Was it always easy.......NO WAY.

Was it worth it.......ABSOLUTELY!!!!!

I wouldn't change a thing.

If you have court ordered support, you have to call CSEA and they'll garnish his wages. If he is unemployed, they'll take it out of his government assistance. If He works "under the table", you're screwed. But he is obligated to pay back support even after the child turns eighteen. CSEA will also sack hs retirement funds if he has any at that point.

Here's another "what would you do??". (my situation)

What would YOU do if you have 50% custody (shared parenting), your ex lives with her mum and dad, works under the table at a bar (but she has a colege degree but won't get a job), and has NO bills, not even groceries or rent? And YOU'RE paying child support, buying all the clothes, AND maintaining a household?

Is the system fair? NO not by a long shot. The system takes the side of the mother 99% of the time.

And it sucks. (yeah, I'm bitter)

i know most people wont agree with this...

...but in some parts of (my) world, what you would call as *the mob* (people that are paid to kick the sh*t out of people for money etc), actually take on such cases for free if they are brought to their attention. Its their view on social justice.

Not true. A father has to sign off on parental rights. The statutes differ state to state, child support is not under any kind of federal jurisdiction.

If a father doesn't pay support, he doesn't lose rights. He may lose visitation, but if he makes any sort of attempt at paying support, he gets the visitation back.

Hi everyone and thank you for your advice and comments.

The guy is in my face constantly and never ceases to torment me about "his child, his child". He has stressed me out for years and years, 12 in all. He is a control freak, who just wont let me be. It's the longest story, you don't want to know believe me. It's just hard for me to take him boasting and bragging about his new grandchild and looking for accolades when behind it all, he is a person who does not live up to his responsibilities as a father let alone a grandfather. 12 years later my patience are now running a little thin.


Claire CSA is Uk based I think, thanks for thought.

gal........ this works both ways.
there are just as many women that don't pay support.
I raised my son and never got one penny of support but at the same time I was paying support on other kids.(and she only visited him 1 time in 8 yrs)

second.. the kids are not mentally affected unless the mother makes it a point to bring this issue out in the open to the kids!(as far as the $$ go's)

example- instead of a parant saying.. we are doing the best we can.
She says to the kids-"well- we could have nicer things if your Dad would pay the child support"

in that case, it is the mother not thinking about the kids first and she is playing games with them!

but when support is due.. I say collect it no matter you have to do!

Wow!

Are they expensive? Most single moms are pretty broke.

I agree wholeheartedly.....you just make it worse for the child by blaming their father or mother for lack of support. Kids have a hard enough time as it is without the parents putting them in the middle.

I feel a tremendous amount of support form reading all your posts, I thank you for it. I have always dealt with everything on my own and its just wonderful to be supported. I will pay attention to all the advice.

Don't let it all get to you anyway!

Thats the point: They do it for free. Where i used to live anyway.


I just posted this to point out that even what we would classify as Criminals, do take parential responsiilities seriously: If they knew you were a father that didnt provide for your kid while you could have, man, you were scr**d.

How to say this nicely

Go after his deadbeat ass!