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just a little poem of support on the oppinions expressed. i posted it some time ago on my poems thread:

...you bite your tongue,
and late at night,
when nobody's looking,
you write a poem,
paint a canvas,
or what you need to do...
its all about love,
towards your child

This says it all!!!!! Thanks!!!!!

[q

uote=Fallinan]Don't let it all get to you anyway![/quote]

I do my best believe me. BTW my sons welfare has always been my no.1 priority in all of this. He has always been protected and is a wonderful young boy and brings much joy to my life, he makes me proud daily. For that I am grateful

Why do you bother talking to him let alone listening? It almost sounds as if the child really is not the issue with him. Sounds more like he is using the child to control you and be able to keep you in his grasp. Tell him to live up to what he says or get lost!

You hit the nail on the head, you are so right. My crime is..........not wanting to deprive my son of a relationship with his dad. I did not want him to grow up resenting me for not allowing his dad in his life. As I said it is a long and complicated story, when your dealing with a complex person things get verrrrrrry complex. I only said what I said because he insists on tormenting me and is now bragging about new grandchild etc, etc.

I went through a similar thing with my ex husband. He didn't want to be bogged down with children but didn't want to allow me to have a life without him. He would even tell me what he was doing for his girlfriend's children while treating me like I was asking the world of him to help me get things the kids were needing. He would call me on the pretense of talking to the kids and really he was wanting to talk to me so he could go on and on about himself. As with you...it is a very complicated story. In the end it was all about control.

I wish you the Very Best and no..you and your child do not deserve that kind of treatment.

I agree "control" is the key word here. I can relate to a lot of what you are saying, the circumstances may differ but the tactics remain the same. Thank you for being so generous with your story and glad you are now in a better place and have peace to enjoy your children . I am on the same path only a little bit behind you. Happy days Eve x

I am going through that right now . My twins dad asked for blood work as he claimed to the courts in another province that they weren't his , and didn't like the answer that came back on my behalf . I would not fight the tests but he had to pay for it on his end , which of course he didn't cause he knows for a fact that they are his . The courts started out asking for a
$710 a month for the two which includes medical and dental in it . He kept lying to the courts and they raised it to 760. Now 4 years later he's up to close to owing $40,000. and still hasn't forked it out . He's a long haul trucker and is trying to tell the courts that he cannot afford to pay what they want . They threatened to put him in jail for it but as far as I know nothing has happened yet . I got wind through his family that he had a lawsuit started for a few million dollars over an accident that he CLAIMED he was into and wasn't his fault . I told the courts that and if it's true and he does win then he won't be seeing the end results till the courts grab their part first . It's unfortunate that men like that do avoid paying as it makes the responsible men look bad . Why some men are like that is beyond me .

After I got the child support collection agency involved its been all uphill since...I took him to court, they now garnish his wages and its automaticaly sent to my bank acct. Its awesome.

In regards to another poster, not all states in the US dissolve the parents rights..I've never heard of it before, but I guess some must. Here a father cant sign his rights off, unless there is someone willing to adopt the child (ren) and if he/she gets behind on child support more then a year, he/she cant renew auto plates and their drivers license is suspended..

There is no Justice in any of this stuff when parents go thier seperate ways....
One will always be a taker... and will do nothing to do what is fiar and just for the child...

I"am a single Dad of 2 daughters... i will not go into details... but this person hasn't seen the kind of things a worthless parent can do...AND it is not only men who do the unspeakable things that happen to children in seperation and divorce...

I say the only advice i would give is ... do her best to go on without him and pray he doesn't take an active role in trying to cause her any more trouble beyond being financially unsupportive...

Trust me ... From my own experience she could be having it so much more destructive than what she is living.

In North Carolina... a man goes to jail for not paying child support... but my Ex-wife has never paid a dime owes over 14,000.00 and is even trying to sue me for child support due to her visitation schedule she just recieved from the court...

Men Are chased down and made to do the right thing... Women do as they please... Double standard and unjust... but the way it is.

Screw the Mother first Law... I have full custody and have had it 5 years... with nothing from her... not even moral support.

And then i have to face a lawsuit because she has just gotten a court order to keep the girls 3 nights a week on visitation...
She owed 200.00 a month never paid... but now sueing me for 500.00 month... go figure...

So It is not just about MEN...who do so wrong and act so poorly.

How sad but it is his lost of a "love of a child"

Proud grandfather is easier then being a proud father number 1 reason much cheaper then being a father

How sad

Absolutely, and good for you Red. I did the same thing except that I never went to court. I cut him a deal while I was pregant because I knew he would never pay. I made a deal that he didn't have to pay if he would stay away from us.

I didn't need his help and all he would do would be to hurt her and neglect her.

I'm proud of my daughter and the life we have together - just the 2 of us.

There is no Justice in any of this stuff when parents go their separate ways....
One will always be a taker... and will do nothing to do what is fear and just for the child...

I"am a single Dad of 2 daughters... i will not go into details... but this person hasn't seen the kind of things a worthless parent can do...AND it is not only men who do the unspeakable things that happen to children in seperation and divorce...

I say the only advice i would give is ... do her best to go on without him and pray he doesn't take an active role in trying to cause her any more trouble beyond being financially unsupportive...

Trust me ... From my own experience she could be having it so much more destructive than what she is living.[/quote]

I have at all times protected my son against any negative sh.. I have facilitated and supported a relationship between father and son, for the sake of my son (much to my own detriment in the end). On saying that I would up and leave at the first sign of trouble. I would not tolerate a tense environment around my son so I was away from this man more than I was ever with him. I once left Australia after 5 weeks when he had sent tickets for us to go visit him there. Return tickets were for 3 months and could have been extended another 9 months if we so wished. I was back home in Dublin before he realised I was gone. He returned shortly afterwards.

While I would be away from him, he would persecute me and stress me out. I can't go into it, as it stresses me to do so. I was providing for our son physically, emotionally and financially and all the while he was interfering and hindering me as a single parent. What annoys me most is not the money but the fact that he would not leave me in peace to enjoy my baby boy and it only got worse and worse.

I have the most fantastic boy, I had him at the age of 40 years and my main concern at the time was "would my baby be alright, healthy etc,. Not only is he healthy, he is handsome, funny, bright, popular, clever, get little footballer and was never never ever one bit of trouble. That is something I am so grateful for and I thank God for him being so independent of me. The only thing that bothers me is the face that any other half decent man would have been so happy to have been presented with such a great little boy and instead of tormenting the mother he would have been grateful.

The story of my relationship with this man is harrowing, I am far too forgiving for my own good. That is why I am so peeved when I see him boast and brag about his new grandson, looking for credit etc,.

It is over now and I am free.

Eve, do you want him 'whacked'?

Good rates...Easter specials.

please don't tempt me

Ah no, its over for me now and I really do want to let it rest if he will just let me, THIS TIME

Eve,

You can go back to the family law court and get an "attachment of earning's", where it comes straight out of his salary, before he even receives them. Also, you can go to the family law offices and sign to have him arrested for defaulting on his maintenance payments. After a few arrest's, he goes to jail............Trust me, it scares the bejapers out of them!!

Good luck girl, stay focused and go for it!

Irishminx

P.S.

Eve,

There are stalking laws that you can also invoke. Get a good solicitor, women tend to be great in family law, but get one that is a terrior!!

irishminx

In the State of New Hampshire, child support is taken directly from your pay