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The Man Who Knows His Math...

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Jokes & Humor

The Man Who Knows His Math...

Tennessee personals
The_Kansan
Claxton (Powell) , Tennessee USA
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 7:04 AM CST
The Man who Knows his Math...

He writes:
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out
his window and gave the woman the finger.

'Man, that guy is stupid,' I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.

That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper,
I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.
Give her the finger? I don't effing think so!

grin hole
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England dating
Claayer
Wild Wild South West, England UK
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 7:07 AM CST
hahaha applause applause rolling on the floor laughing
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Islas Baleares personals
jbibiza
Ibiza, Islas Baleares Spain
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 7:21 AM CST
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing thumbs up smart man!
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England personals
roseofsharon
Casa Felice, Southampton, England UK
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 7:25 AM CST
That was just brilliant, Don.... as always!! thumbs up

And, in my usually helpful manner (as you know only too well), I will be out on the road between 4pm and 6pm later today.... okay??!!
rolling on the floor laughing
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England dating
Claayer
Wild Wild South West, England UK
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 7:26 AM CST
roseofsharon wrote:
That was just brilliant, Don.... as always!!

And, in my usually helpful manner (as you know only too well), I will be out on the road between 4pm and 6pm later today.... okay??!!


haha laugh


wave hug
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Tennessee personals
The_Kansan
Claxton (Powell) , Tennessee USA
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 7:32 AM CST
roseofsharon wrote:
That was just brilliant, Don.... as always!!

And, in my usually helpful manner (as you know only too well), I will be out on the road between 4pm and 6pm later today.... okay??!!


Thanks Alison - I wish I could claim credit for it, but actually it was sent to Jackson in an e-mail and I simply passed it along.

(Oh, and thanks for the warning - I'll make it a point not to drive anywhere in your area today! laugh )
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England personals
roseofsharon
Casa Felice, Southampton, England UK
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 7:36 AM CST
The_Kansan wrote:
Thanks Alison - I wish I could claim credit for it, but actually it was sent to Jackson in an e-mail and I simply passed it along.

(Oh, and thanks for the warning - I'll make it a point not to drive anywhere in your area today! )


Ohh no, Don.... au contraire, you misunderstand me. I will be driving in YOUR area later today....!!
grin

In advance, love....... bouquet of flowers

rolling on the floor laughing
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Galway personals
emc_eile
galway, Galway Ireland
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 7:40 AM CST
The_Kansan wrote:
The Man who Knows his Math...

He writes:
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out
his window and gave the woman the finger.

'Man, that guy is stupid,' I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.

That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper,
I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.
Give her the finger? I don't effing think so!


finally a guy with brains!!! rolling on the floor laughing

very good grin
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England personals
roseofsharon
Casa Felice, Southampton, England UK
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 7:42 AM CST
Yo, Emer...!!!! wave Good to see ya.... yay
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Galway personals
emc_eile
galway, Galway Ireland
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 7:44 AM CST
roseofsharon wrote:
Yo, Emer...!!!! Good to see ya....


hey allie hows you on this delightful Sunday morning grin

wave bouquet of flowers
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Tennessee personals
The_Kansan
Claxton (Powell) , Tennessee USA
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 7:47 AM CST
roseofsharon wrote:
Ohh no, Don.... au contraire, you misunderstand me. I will be driving in YOUR area later today....!!


In advance, love.......


Oh, got ya! Jackson has agreed to drive when we go out later on. (I'll be the one hunkered down in the combat cowboy hat with the flak jacket, sitting on my hands with my eyes tightly shut while thinking beautiful thoughts about how all men are cowards... laugh )
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England personals
roseofsharon
Casa Felice, Southampton, England UK
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 7:48 AM CST
emc_eile wrote:
hey allie hows you on this delightful Sunday morning


I am very well, sweetie.... all the better for the chuckle, thanks to Don, of course!! thumbs up

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, love... won't you?? bouquet of flowers
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Indiana personals
Indyfella
indianapolis, Indiana USA
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 8:02 AM CST
We need a Prez that'll address the PMS issue. It's time for CHANGE! applause
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Galway personals
emc_eile
galway, Galway Ireland
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 8:06 AM CST
roseofsharon wrote:
I am very well, sweetie.... all the better for the chuckle, thanks to Don, of course!!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, love... won't you??


course i will its paddy weekend! woohoo tis great to be irish yay leprechaun shamrock

have one for us there too cheers bouquet of flowers
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Southland dating
iceman69
selfoss, Southland Iceland
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 8:15 AM CST
emc_eile wrote:
course i will its paddy weekend! woohoo tis great to be irish

have one for us there too


Well here in Iceland we had us at many a pud st paddy´s day drinking and oohh my my head hurts hehe
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Alabama singles
alabamabebe
Banks of the Warrior River, Alabama USA
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 8:44 AM CST
Best bumper sticker I ever saw addressed this issue.

BACK OFF I HAVE PMS AND A GUN

I want one now that says, I'm menopausal and have a gun.
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Tennessee personals
The_Kansan
Claxton (Powell) , Tennessee USA
Posted: Mar 16, 2008, 4:55 PM CST
alabamabebe wrote:


I want one now that says, I'm menopausal and have a gun.


Hey, Bev - Jackson says that if you'll get some printed up, she'll buy one from you!

laugh
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