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In this era of instant messages, email, chat rooms, and phone texts, etc., what is the definition of cheating?

The question becomes, at what point are we talking about a significant difference between auto-erotic behavior that’s largely confined to your fantasy, -vs. having a live person supporting that fantasy but no real relationship -vs an ongoing, but nevertheless virtual relationship, in which you not only have explicit sex talk but share about the kids, work and what’s going on in your life, etc. *ponders*

Ok, Ok...virtual affairs let people dance close to the edge while still rationalizing it because technically they haven’t touched another person physically...it's only words. But words have power, do they not? Words can create feelings, false illusions...and someone always gets hurt...and that usually includes the partner/SO, who is an innocent unknowing victim in the cyber mess.

Sooo is it a certain thrill of going as close to the line as you think you can safely can go without crossing it and/or getting caught by your partner/SO? I tend to think that anyone who thinks they have such absolute control, not only over their behavior but over their emotions and desires, is kidding themselves. Because even virtual relationships have the potential to evolve into something more tangible after connecting emotionally with someone online.

Now from what I have been told, some tend to focus on whether their partners/SO have actually done the deed with someone else. But for women, a strong emotional connection to someone else is enough to qualify as infidelity and betrayal. Those with a more permissive view of sex may not consider a bunch of sexually and/or emotionally charged emails/text messages/instant messages, etc. to be cheating, since they have only exchanged thoughts and fantasies...not bodily fluids. They seem to believe that if they do not get caught by their partner/SO, etc., it's ok...no harm done. But imho, lies are lies...and I truly believe sooner or later, they will come back and bite you on the buttocks. The net is not really as large as it seems. Some might be surprised how small it actually is...

There seems to be alot of gray in this area. I am very interested to know what others think.

Hz, do you think it's cheating?

I always heard, "If you can't tell your significant other, it is a form of cheating".

Honestly, if you are in a relationship with someone and/or living with someone...I think it is a breach of trust...To be honest, I could not do it...but others can justify in their minds because they believe they will not get caught...thing is...they are busted and do not know it...so therefore, the trust is broken.

That makes sense

Agreed

I should have prefaced, that assumes that you and your 'mate' have discussed your individual self-morals. (I know, self-moral is kind of an oxy-moron).

A

ok first thing this is just my opinion..


I am in a relationship engaged and about to have my first baby in about 2-3 weeks... ( scary hehe) anyways back on the subject.. My man knows that i am here posting in forums granted it is a singles site but a lot of people come here looking only for friends which i have stated clearly in my profile.. I do find it to be cheating when it comes to speaking with others in a sexually explicit way.. granted it may not be physical but i believe it to be emotionally cheating on the one i love... I could never imagine doing that to him and i know a lot of people have different views on this subject. Others may believe that it is ok and not considered cheating when doing that because its not a physical thing which is all there right to do so.. Its just my belief that there is more than one form of cheating u dont need to be physically with someone to do it.. again jmo

Actually, the question was asked if they were talking to others....the answer was No. The persons email's were accidentally left pulled up on the computer...There it was in black and white. Sexual and explicit...

Congrats on the new baby!!! I agree with you on your answer.

Thank you

acausey07,

I concur. It's all in how the individuals define cheating. As long as you can tell your partner with a clear conscious (sp) what and why you are doing something and the understand and don't have an issue, you're not cheating.

Like (I think HzChld) said, it's a matter of trust. Trust that you will respect the other person.

A

My bad,

Apologies..my First response should have been

Congratulations!

Once trust is breached...I do not think things could be the same...

I appreciate ur honesty with me and have to say that yes there are gray area's as far as that goes.. for example if ur in an open relationship,, or the other partner really does not have a problem with it.. But in my own personal beliefs with the relationship i am in.. i would rather dedicate my whole self to him and him as well with me..

I believe if it is a fantasy like all fantasy's that he may have i want to be the one to fullfill them and if it involves the internet why not have eachother make up a s/n etc and play that way know what i mean?? All i am saying is yes there are those who believe that its not cheating but if its not with me and is being done with someone else i feel cheated... Cheated out of how can i put this.. i would feel cheated out of the relationship as far as he is not fully with me because he is sharing something sacred with another..

But again i appreciate ur opinion

I Completely!!! agree. At that point, the person doing the bad deed had to have known they would hurt the person.

exactly :)

Sorry, forgot to include who I was agreeing with, but in this case I agree with both acausey07 and HzChld.

A

Its all good...