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There was an older man that was married to a much younger woman, and he was having trouble lasting long enough in bed, so he went to the doctor and was told he should pleasure himself before having sex then he would last longer.

One day as 5 o'clock rolls around, he gets a call from his wife who says she's very horny. On his way home, he remembers what the doctor said and decides to jerk it before he gets home. He thinks "well, I can't do it in the car, but if I get under it I can pretend I'm fixing my car".

So he gets under the car, closes his eyes, and starts jerkin it. A wee while later, there's a tug at his pants leg. In order to keep the image of his beautiful wife, he doesn't open his eyes, but just hollars "Yeah?"

I'm Officer Brown. What are you doing down there?"

"Well, officer, I'm checking my axle; I think it's come lose."

"Well, mister, while you're down there, you might wanna check your brakes; your car's two blocks down the road crashed into a tree!"

This actually reminds me of a story which I believe is true and was in an Australian newspaper. A man and his wife are going shopping and the car breaks down in the car park. He tells his wife to get the shopping while he tries to fix the car.

When she returns theres a crowd of people gathered around the car and as she approaches she sees her husband under the car and notices that his manhood is on display peeping out of his shorts.

Feeling embarrassed she bends down and pops it back out of view, this surprised her husband who was in the crowd at the time, but not as much as the car mechanic who ended up sitting up suddenly in surprise and banged his head on the bottom of the car.

I'm pretty sure this is a true story but if not it still makes me laugh.

True or not, its still hilarious mate!!!