How soon is too soon for sex?

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deborah12 wolverhampton UK
its hard because i dont want to come across frigid but on the other hand i dont want him to think was easy



soleil edinburgh UK
If it's too soon for you, then it is too soon period.
I am divorced now and faced and still am facing the same question.
Friends and family say that a one night stand can sometimes turn out to be the happy ever after.
Actually I have realized that it's better to make your own decision than just listen to others.
It certainly doesn't harm to hear different opinions, but it's far better to make your own, so that whatever happens you know that it was your choice. You won't end up blaming anybody and that will make you stronger.

I have now come to the conclusion that there is no right or bad time for sex after meeting someone even for the first time. You can wait for ages and the guy can still be a complete loser who was just after one thing.
So!
I am definitely not into casual sex either.
It has to feel right for you. Don't feel pressurised; Don't let anybody put pressure on you to have sex.
It has to be something you want, and enjoy, not something you want to feel guilty about.x



Katine76 Moncton Canada
In response to:
do you think a few months is enough time to wait or longer
Well for me a few months is way too long lol but if that was what my partner wanted then I would respect that.

But I think a few weeks. I think it all depends on the person and how you know that person your involved with etc...



deborah12 wolverhampton UK
i think a few months isnt very long id wait a lot longer but i dont think a man would from past experience



patientlywating New Salisbury USA
Well according to my surgeon not before 6 weeks......
LMAO!!!!Sorry.....been a bad day!!
poohbear22 Tomball, Texas USA
just wait you'll find a good one. He's out there, don't do anything you don't want to.
langleygirl Langley, British Columbia Canada
To me... if you are even asking this question... you have given yourself the answer - not yet.
Meilandra Eden Prairie, Minnesota USA
In response to:
To me... if you are even asking this question... you have given yourself the answer - not yet.
Excellent point, as usual :-)

I don't presume to speak for any men, but I believe that for most women, having sex makes them feel more emotionally connected to the male; it creates a sense of emotional and psychological intimacy which hasn't had time to develop yet in other areas of the relationship if it's too new.

Letting someone put a very personal part of his body INSIDE YOU, in a very personal place of yours, IS an intimate thing, at the very least on a symbolic level. It's opening ourselves up to someone in a special way that has emotional implications.

I have found that for me, doing that before I have a reasonably good sense of who someone is, creates a false sense of intimacy that is easily shattered as I get to know the person better.

I have NEVER regretted waiting to sleep with someone, but I have in the past often had MAJOR regrets about sleeping with someone too soon.



Ashlie St.John's, Newfoundland Canada
Wow! I am really impressed with the response i'm getting to this posting...lol Now don't get me wrong...I'm totally about waiting and if the guy has a problem with that then too bad. However, I have lost relationships over that before. One guy was everything i wanted, good job, good to his family, polite, sweet, caring, and was so into me. Then when we hung out in a situation where it was just me and him all these questions came out about sex and when we could have it and just so many. He said he didn't mind waiting. I've just gotten out of a long relationship and I don't want to jump into having sex with somebody else right away. I just want to date and meet new people. However it is the questions he was throwing at me that kind of concerned me. Even tho he is a nice guy and everything it turned me away that he was so interested in sex. Am I over reacting?



2good2b_bad St. Petersburg, FL, Florida USA
Yeah, the girl before me is right. It should happen as a matter of trust between the two people. I have waited for some girls, though it has been a rarity. Whether or not those relationships lasted longer than normal I couldn't tell you. Wait or not, it is still no garantee for longevity.
I will say though, frigid or not, if I really dig a girl.............I'll wait. It doesn't matter. If I really like her for who she is as a person.....then all I really want is to spend time with her. Don't get it twisted, sex ROCKS. But if I am interested in more than just her ass I'll do what it takes to get her to notice me.



ruoutthere143 Freehold, New Jersey USA
In response to:
Ok, I am not really the type of person to ask this kind of a question but I am really curious to know. I just turned 19 and just gotten out of a long term relationship. I was used to my ex-boyfriend, they way he'd talk to me and the way he was with me. I am now back on the dating scene and am having some difficulty. I have never really dated seeing as how I was with my ex for most of my teen years. Now the problem I am running into; I am not sure if it is the type of guys I've been meeting or just an age thing I just haven't been exposed to until now. But to cut to the point, Most guys want sex right away. I don't know if I am being old fashioned or these guys just want one thing, but I don't do that. I don't want to just have sex. I don't do casual sex. Now I get lectures on this from all the guys I hang out with that it's just sex...but isn't it supposed to be more than that...I was thinking that because the last couple of guys I dated were older, 22-25 and I am 19 that maybe it's an age thing. But for me to have a relationship with somebody I relate to he has to be a little older...So please if u have any advise..help me to understand this further...
Men have incredible sex drives.. and believe me, 22 to 25 year olds fall more into that catagory than ever. Personally having sex on the first date is not a wise thing.. not because it's considered immoral, but it gives off a bad impression of yourself to an extent to the guy you're doing it with. I'm not saying that EVERYONE who has sex on the first date is a "slut"... but the best way to deal with it I feel is to be in control of yourself. It depends on the guys attitude about it too. One "no" should be enough. If he stops, it shows that he has respect for you... if he keeps it up, then that goes to show that he may feel the opposite about you. And believe me, it'll show up more during the "relationship(?) progresses. Most women's sex drive is combined with emotion. They need to feel somewhat "loved" for sex to be mentally acceptable and feel good, otherwise they may wind up feeling used instead. As far as time, there is no set time limit really. The best way to determine when is the right time is by feeling what's "right" inside. If the man you are with shows you respect at the beginning, and it seems to be growing into something more, like a relationship... possibly into love.. then if YOU feel right, not only trying to make HIM feel right, but YOU feel right, then maybe you can go by that feeling. Since most do it before marriage, (and I admit, so did I) I'm NOT going to say wait until you are married, just be sure you are not being used.



mach25
I'm 25 and more than ready for you doll,lol.
Meilandra Eden Prairie, Minnesota USA
just be sure you are not being used.


That's the issue here, I think: the longer you know someone, the better you can judge if you're just being used or not, as well as being able to tell over time if there is a real connection underneath, rather than just lust. The faster you sleep with them, I believe the greater the chance that you're just being used.



Unionjoe Media, Pennsylvania USA
Ashlie, a man, especially a young man, is going to tell you anything he can to get in your jeans. It is an instict, a goal, a contest within his society, that drives him to this end. I am a man, but I am a man with two gorgeous daughters. And this is what I am going to tell them. Never underestimate the patience or the ever-changing ability of the male mind to try to convince you. The best thing you can do is wait until you are comfortable with whoever you feel a desire to share yourself with, and then share not because he wants to, but because you both want to. Then, if it all goes bad later, you would have enjoyed it as much as he, and the memory of it will be a good one, not one of you doing something for him because he made you feel like you should. And not one of yourself feeling dumb because you allowed yourself to be fooled. Sex is for BOTH parties enjoyment, a sharing of mutual affection, an extension of ourselves, expressed physically. It is a beautiful thing when practiced properly. (If any of you ladies think this is wrong, please tell me now, before my little ones get much older, so I can correct it)
Lillyofthevalley St John's, Newfoundland Canada
In response to:
Ashlie, a man, especially a young man, is going to tell you anything he can to get in your jeans. It is an instict, a goal, a contest within his society, that drives him to this end. I am a man, but I am a man with two gorgeous daughters. And this is what I am going to tell them. Never underestimate the patience or the ever-changing ability of the male mind to try to convince you. The best thing you can do is wait until you are comfortable with whoever you feel a desire to share yourself with, and then share not because he wants to, but because you both want to. Then, if it all goes bad later, you would have enjoyed it as much as he, and the memory of it will be a good one, not one of you doing something for him because he made you feel like you should. And not one of yourself feeling dumb because you allowed yourself to be fooled. Sex is for BOTH parties enjoyment, a sharing of mutual affection, an extension of ourselves, expressed physically. It is a beautiful thing when practiced properly. (If any of you ladies think this is wrong, please tell me now, before my little ones get much older, so I can correct it)
Right on the money honey!
Lillyofthevalley St John's, Newfoundland Canada
In response to:
Right on the money honey!
oh ya and don't forget...men are not long out of the trees...judge yourself accordingly...



GrimReefer Juhar Afghanistan
If a guyu really like you for you he'll wait as long as it takes...I fact if he thinks your really worth it I wouldn't matter when he got to have sex...Your defeintly worth the wait...lol



Ashlie St.John's, Newfoundland Canada
Well thanks, and way to make me blush! I hope that I will meet somebody like you someday!


*MUAH*
;)



Unionjoe Media, Pennsylvania USA
In response to:
Right on the money honey!
Thank you Lilly. I appreciate that.
Meilandra Eden Prairie, Minnesota USA
*wild applause*

WAY TO GO JOE!!




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