Posted: Apr 3, 2008, 5:16 PM CST
Before you get involved and make a commitment to
someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem
make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open,
and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or
that what you see as faults are not really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their
flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences
will become more obvious. If you love your mate and
want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got
to learn to close one eye and not let every little
thing bother you.
You and your mate have many different expectations,
emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and
strengths. You are two unique individuals who have
decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for
each other? Do you bring out the best of each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or
do you compete, compare, and control? What do you
bring to the relationship? Do you bring past
relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or
her. You can't make someone love you or make someone
stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual
discernment, and 'a life', you won't find yourself
making someone else responsible for your happiness or
responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, deceitfulness,
neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of
a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship.
Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the
wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
Question: What keeps a relationship strong?
Answer: Communication, intimacy (not sex), trust, a
sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway
time without business or children and daily exchanges
(a meal, a shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a
note), sharing common goals and interests.Leave a nice
message on their voice mail or send a nice email.
Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each
other, giving each other space to grow without feeling
insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest.
You can't always be together. Give each other a sense
of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try
to control one another.
Learn each others family situation. Respect his or her
parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods.
Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities
are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty,
and pain will replace the passion.
'Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will
never go any higher than you think.' The grass
withers, the flowers fades, but the word of God stands
forever. Isaiah 40:8. Shall we make a new rule of life
from tonight?
Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where
you put the 'I'. Life is not measured by the number of
breaths we take, but by the moments that take our
breath away.
This is by Reverend Ronald McFadden
To me, it says it all. You cannot love someone, unless you love yourself first.