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Because I'm a man , when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option.
I will win.
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Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then
drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and
take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like
"cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator instead (applies to engineers only)

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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The
true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so just don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . . . and if you are feeling amorous afterwards. .. then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. It does not make your butt look too big. It was the pasta and potatoes and margaritas that did that. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.

I think I already understood these....BUT thanx for the reminder!!!!!!!!

Don't knock it...works splendidly for me.

some I agree some I dont

Now the last time I locked my keys in the car and had to coat hangar it, a passerby asked me, "did you lock your keys in the car?"


I solomnly turned back and said, "no...I'm getting ready to perform an abortion on your sister."

He walked on~

That shuts them up fast

HI jbibiza

Our secrets are out guys, we need to form a new plan now....huddle up....

Because i'm a woman, when i lock my keys in
the car, i will know exacltly what to do.

I do it that often.

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Because i'm a woman, when the car isn't running
very well, i will not even notice and break down
on the motorway.

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Because i'm a woman, when i catch a cold,
dont even come near me.

You think pmts, bad.

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Because i'm a woman, dont think i can be relied upon
to only purchase basic groceries.

Spend Spend Spend.

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Because i'm a woman, when one of our appliances stops
working.

I can change a fuse you know.

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Because i'm a woman, the television remote control
will be permenately taped down to the soap channel

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You can have the rest...its late.

now why did ya have to go and tell all our secrets now we gotta atart all over

Worth bumping methinks

Good morning trish...just.

Don't worry, we will find out as soon as your plan is launched

Hiya Gra

yep, brilliant opening post from JB but i loved your comeback on it too

Thanks trish...was expecting a bit of flak
coming my way.

Looks like i've got away with it.

hahaha

A WOMEN'S PERSPECTIVE

Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
Exchange him.

Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women

What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE

Why do men like love at first sight?
Because he knows it's all over as soon as she opens her mouth.

A woman of5 thinks of having children. What does a man of5 think of?
How much his wife has begun to resemble Morly Safer.

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
Their target audience is women.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A mute nymphomanic 8 year old girlfriend.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
Penis envy.

Why do women have mid-life crises?
Because Phil and Oprah say they're supposed to.

How does a woman show she's planning for the future?
Plastic Surgury.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
Sex, stupid.

What do you do with a 40 year old woman who thinks she's God's gift?
Trade her in for two 20 year olds.

Why do bachelors like smart women?
Because they're so rare.

What's the difference between a wife and a job.
After 5 years, the job still sucks.

Why is sleeping with a woman like a soap opera?
Cause it's the same tired old plot, year in and year out.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
They're trying not to attract any more undue blame then they already have.

What is the thinnest book in the world?
Biographies of Happy women

What's the difference between men and government bonds?
None, they're both the same, steadily increasing in value, predictable and vastly undervalued by people who don't understand them.