Moema: A woman I know, good-looking, proffesionally successful, financially independet, intelligent, nice, fun, had been married for 18 years with a guy when she found out he had a whole another family, house, wife, dogs, kids, al of it. His oldest daughter in this other family was 12. She fell apart, divorced him and spent a couple years alone. Now she´s married again to a guy 8 years younger, who makes less money than she does, and all of her friends (including me) were worried that the guy was just into her money.
She said: "maybe so. But I have to trust. I lived 18 years with someone and thought I knew him. Why should I think I know this guy less than I knew the other one?"
I learned that from her, and from my own experience: trust is a choice. It´s something you GIVE, not something you bargain, and you can´t keep counting every little action and measuring "how much trust this person deserves now". Otherwise, it´s IMPOSSIBLE to love. You can´t love someone you don´t trust.
However, you don´t have to trust as naively as you did when you were 15 and fell in love for the first time. It´s a different kind of trust, where you don´t place the responsibility for your own happiness in someone else´s hands. You allow them to come into your "home" (body, mind and heart) and relax, you allow them to make themselves comfortable, but you need to know it´s your CHOICE and be able to set the limits, in a clear, loving way and not allow anyone to hurt you, then you won´t be betrayed.
I mean, that´s what I´ve learned, and I hope I know something at this point in life... and about this, I hope my views don´t need to change. So yes, right now I´m a believer. I´ve been thorugh pain but I feel it´s a matter of honor that the people who hurt me do NOT steal from me my ability to love.
What a very thoughtful piece. I agree entirely.
