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I read an article recently (sorry, don't still have the link) that said that the best, most fun 'dates' are not usually going to make the best long term partners. People who are confident, can play a 'role' such as a funny, charming date, don't know how to turn it off...they're always wanting to charm people, will say things people want to hear, but the things that make them a good date make them NOT very good in a long term, one on one relationship. There is far more to it than this, but hopefully the message comes through....any thoughts? It makes sense to me.....

What you say makes a lot of sense. If I don't connect with someone, then I don't see them again no matter how fun they are, or I suggest becoming friends rather then try to pursue anything else. When a person is "on" all the time, it's very difficult to make the kind of connection needed to pursue a relationship.

That's probably because it's one thing to date and have fun, and another to face life's hardships together on a daily basis; some are not made for marriage and all that it entails.

Best date I ever had in my life was charming, good looking, intuitive, smart. yada, yada, yada...I kept going out with him and he never smiled. He was still funny. but I found myself trying to perform to get a twinkle in the eye, a twist of the lip - nothing!

After a few weeks, all I got was a stony face and a sigh. I felt like a performing monkey and I was boring him. It infuriated me.

I saw him a few years ago, expressed my surprise, shock and I was excited. He gave me the same stony look and I remembered why I ran off the guy I liked best. I thought maybe I was mistaken. No acknowledgement - nothing. I wondered if I was mistaken and it was a different guy, but he kept staring at me. He shrugged and left. Yes, same guy. He recognized me and his face never altered. He never smiled, nothing. He just waited. What's a woman supposed to do with a guy like that? Was he glad to see me? Pissed? Wanted me to go away? Why did he stare at me and wait? That's why I ran him off.

I hadn't seen him in 6-7 years. Was I supposed to run up and hug him, on a stare? If he had taken off his sunglasses, smiled, or anything encouraging, I would have been there, in a heartbeat. Smartest, sexiest, funniest man I ever met and I would travel across the world to see the guy, if he could manage a smile across a parking lot.

It does make sense...personally I simply don't date.
I have gone out with friends met through friends that sometimes develop from there but only once I really know them well. I think people that can easily charm people sometimes do it for so long they may even lose their own identities and forget who they really are inside. I much rather see someone for who they are be it their worst and best days...

I agree. I have been on this forum since it started. Many threads and converstaions on this very thing.

Why not date? You meet people that fill a void when you are not ready to committ. If you are lucky, you find out by some of your dates what qualities you really like. When you meet the right person you already know what to look for and what not to look for.

Only some people have a void when not ready to commit. I have never found others fill that, rather I find happiness within myself through my own growth and I know what qualities I like by interacting with people on all levels...especially friendships. Personally it is more important to me to have a foundation of friendship before romance...not for everyone but it works for me.

This is so very true, it is the average, normal guy that makes the best long term partner.. they may not sweep u off ur feet or they probably wont be the most exiting or best looking guy you've met...but whatever they do feel (in their own understated way) will be real!!!

Charmers...are just that.. charmers... great fun and a real ego massage, but its not 'real' and the motivation is not to make u feel 'special' it is to massage their own ego in the conquest... Charmers can be fun.. and VERYYYY convincing, but best to leave them at arms distance JMO

Me too definitely... friendship is a good base, and its a good way also to test the sincerity of the guy... if he is a genuine guy who genuinely likes u...as a person... he will be patient... I think a relationship built on that kinda foundation has a real chance..

Personally I think Sex can cloud the issues... its VERY hard to resist if you are really attracted to someone, cause ur body will try to convince you.. however, it you have sex with someone you don't even really know yet, there is a distinct possibility.. when the intoxicating, pink fluffy fog rises.. that you are not even sure if you really like/are compatible with this person..

This is why I wait...as a strategy it will never make me popular .. but at least I won't be wasting mine or anyone else's time JMO

I agree with you Aries....and believe it does come to those who wait....it happened to me when i least expected it to happen....But when i look back at how myself and jim started, all it was, was friends first as both of us was so far apart, and got to know one and other on a personal level before we actually met...so far so good, we have had our disagreements and got to the bottom of all our arguements my way..... Put up and shut up Jim.... now i am only jokin....but you understand that even though we have a strong relationship we still have our opinions and differences....

Since when was I allowed an opinion honey

I can see some truth in this. But I would not entirely agree. So many more factors and dynamics to consider pertaining to the individual, the couple, and what kind of rapport and friendship had been established. If it was a first date and the two individuals barely knew each other, percentages would dictate the confirmation of the article that you read.

Please post a link to said article....please....if not search can be my friend