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I love to say shift that makes people go WTF? Those of you who have visited my "Fund with words..." and "Just wondering why" threads like the humor. This time however, let's not get to deep with the words, let's just be outright WTF? No barriers people, let 'em fly...

Who's first? Me? Alright then...

She was pretty good all and all, but when she pulled her face off and I saw the tentacles rolling like testicles over her back I knew it was not going to work with the suction cups and all...

I must be the only one...

Are you kidding me? That's simply a lie! She does have a laser, it took my ear clean off

When I saw his glass eye and his old wooden leg
and his teeth in a jar smiling there,
his hearing aid box and his pacemaker too
and the stand for his wig of hogs hair.

I wondered if there could be anything left
of the man who looked like he was beat,
when he leered as he said,"sure not all of me's dead,
the viagra is working a treat".




.

he would come to me, his mouth seemingly dripping with blood...........

only after he kissed me did I realize he had stuffed his mouth with the cherry cordials that he had brought for me............

True WTF

She never even gave me a chance. Seriously, what am I to do when she stand eleventy feet tall and wants an all over back rub? I tried to tie rugs to my feet but the dirt and crap just scratched her.

We drove to the park late at night....he pushed me up against a tree, kissing me with a fury.....hands like an octopus, when he got to the promised land wetness surrounded him...he fell to his knees, hugging one of my legs, sobbing incoherently, a begging begging cry....He regained his composure and got up, starting to kiss me again....hands dashing around like fireflies in the night....In the throes of passion, I heard footsteps in the gravel....something hit the ground and then skidded....Eagerly he went toward the sound, which happened to be a box....Yelled out "thanks mom", and proceeded to pull a comdon from the box....dropping his stiching he wore it proudly....as he bent me over the car and proceeded to show me how interesting rubbing myself across cool steel could feel as he sticked his power into my swirling energy.....head held back by the hair, when I finally opened my eyes, I was looking right into his mother's face....not realizing that it was her car we were using......

I'd have to leave a chair at the front door, when he came in, he could not stand on the carpeting because he was paranoid...he would walk from chair to chair, finally reaching the sofa, sitting on the back of it...

I had shag carpeting, and he swore it was snakes coming from the floor to try and bite him...we tried to hold conversations but he would just stare at the carpeting.

He left as he had come in, on the furniture....I made a mistake one day as he was walking across my lawn...I asked him, what's the difference between shag carpeting and a patch of grass....

Horrified he looked down at the grass beneath his feet, then screamed a chilling scream, running down the sidewalk for his life....

Wonder whatever happened to him?

Feckin' twisted, I love you

She seemed nice. She spoke softly and kindly. She would give a me wonderful looks of thanks when I would hold her coat, help her with her chair, open doors... I was so smitten by her I started to dream about her every night. Not a wanna do her dream, just a simple I really like her dream. When she fucked my dog on poker night I was willing to let it go but my best friend told me the bitch stole my taco, well, c'mon...

That is as absurd as the profile you hide behind.

I heard banging noises on my roof one day, so I gingerly climbed the trellace to the top....there sat an old man, cane resting across his lap, forlorn.....I asked him what was wrong. He simply replied that he had lost his canary, and had climbed the tree to get ontop of my roof to see if he could see his pet. Sadly, I shook my head, Mister, I said, my cat ate that canary this morning....Enraged, the old man bolted up and started to chase me around the rooftop, spewing evil words at me....He chased me around the roof 3 times before I got far enough ahead of him and crawled back down the trellace....and cut the tree down...

I still hear banging noises every so often, but it doesn't really bother me so much anymore....

One day a man went on a business trip to Florida.
He had saw me at the bar and he asked "How much for a hand job?"
I thought wtf, so replied "100 Bucks"
The man said "100 Bucks, That's a lot of got damn money"
So I pulled him to the side and said "See that Mercedes, I paid for that by giving hand jobs."
So he gave me the money and received the best hand he had ever had.
The next day he sees me and asks "How much for a head job?"
I said "200 dollars"
"200 dollars that's a lot of money"
I pulled him to the side and said "You see that yacht by the pier, I paid for that yacht by giving head jobs."
So he gives me the money, and get the best head job of his life
On hist last day in Florida he returns to the bar, sees me and says "The hand job was good, the head job was great how much for the whole package."
"1000 dollars'

"1000 dollars that's a lot of god damn money"

So I pulled him to side and said "You see that island, I could afford that if i had a pussy."





.......??


Kidding...I am really a girl o.k.!!!!!

wtf?

when I use a pink kleenex, I blow silly string from my nose...

green??

My last datecomes to pick me up for the evening. I'm not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with my parents.

He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure.

Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.

He farts, and my mother yells, "Spot, get down from there."

The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and my mother again yells for the dog to get down.

This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally mum yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."