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I am sorry for getting angry in my last thread.

My friend who killed himself Saturday was buried today. The family is like family to me. As a kid his father asked me to help him with a magic show for a talent contest. He won and was so proud! Thats how I got to know them. As the young man grew he had problems with his health and this worked on his nerves. He had been sick for many years. In the last few years he became active in the chuch that his parents attended. I used to go to the church also. That was one of the most heart breaking things in my life was to be among those people.

I won't get into all their faults but will give one example. I am a person who feeds others. If i see someone needing a hug or a kind word I feed them because I care. I would make the rounds hugging the older ladies and asking about them. Because I was single some of the BITCHES accused me of getting hugs and jollies for myself. I only was giving affection and attention to those who needed to feel loved and cared about. So I stopped and only shook hands from then on.

I guess why I was so angry today is I was at the service today. Seeing them do the same garbage as before when I was going to church made me wonder if they had contributed to my friend shooting himself. I know they ripped my guts out by their ways and I just wondered and it made me angry.

I wonder if my friend would be alive now and his mother not so heart broken if he had not been among them. I do wonder. ( my best friend, the father died a few yews ago.)

Some of them did their ignoring crap to me and it pissed me off too. I did nothing to them. I only left the church.

Sorry for getting in a bad mood!

It's cool...we understand....sorry to hear about your friend....

Thanks! To me he is the same little kid I taught magic to long ago. At the service they had slides on sreen of him doing his magic tricks and of his dad. Then to see my friend (the boys mother) so heart broken.

I am so very sorry...........

Thank you! I'm not a drinker, so I think I will go eat everything in the refriderator.

you're entitled considering everything.....

I feel really bad for you, and I will pray that you heal yourself before you go any further in your anger, you own your own anger I am sorry to say and must let it go, I have said before we are very simple creatures that make things more difficult for ourselves than we really need to, I do it all the time but catch myself, we as simple creatures have three emotions that we go through before the healing can take place and this is in any situation, listen please because these are the steps:
1.Anger
2.Denial
3.acceptance

We don't as humans get to the healing without those three, period.
blaming others for what somebody else has done is part of the anger you are in stage 1. and no apologies needed for your frustration they are expected I am just surprised it took you a few days forgot about the shock that actually comes first, the numbness and disbelief, I am sorry for you and can sympathize as well as empathize and like I said will pray for you to heal yourself asap and don't pay so much attention to what others are saying that helps

Thank you! I will be ok! I am a person who shuts off things until things are completed. Then it hits me when all that needs to be done is done.

wish I could take my own advice as well as I give it, oh well wouldn't want to ruin the stigma people have of me being "full of it" hope it helps since you know what you are up against now

Rilly, I'm so very sorry to read this and to know that such a great guy as yourself has lost someone in such a terrible manner. I'm glad you were able to be there for the family. As for the people in that church, know that they can't hurt you. You are a good man, and you know this. They do what they do from their own insecurities and selfishness. You will be in my prayers, my friend.