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I hope sex is part of a healthy relationship. If I ever get into a healthy one Ill be sure and let you know...

Oh, what the hell, I'll play the 'devil's advocate here; Sex ruins a good healthy relationship, as it is personality oriented. Sex comes in and it devolves into a simple obsession of recreational genital sessions of nothing but sex, sex and more sex and the personalities drift further and further apart.
Apologies for the brevity but I have a rather tawdry pressing navel engagement to steer towards...%D

could be joined in a healthy relationship !

Not if she has the clap

I believe that as we grow older, most of us mature enough to realize the mistakes we made in our past relationships.
When I was younger, the sex was everything. I could not decipher between sex and love. If the sex was good... I was in love. It was easy. I was obsessed and addicted... I got beat up and was never shown true love. I went from one relationship to another, cos the sex was good... more and more abuse inflicted upon me.
I finally was able to end this cycle of co-dependancy. I found that I had more value, than to be trampled upon by abusive people, being used and abused.
I have not had sex in 7 years. Before that, another 7 years, and 5 years prior to that.
I feel it is important to really get to know someone. Usually I find that I really don't like the other person all that well, so I am glad that I did not have sex with them. I do not want to get caught up in the sex for love false belief. I would rather have a companion to share the interesting things in life with. A friendship I can value. Sometimes people can seem very interesting, as you get to know them. Then it all goes to ruin when they want to bring sex into it and I say NO. I would rather someone love me for who I am, than because I am good in bed. It is a much greater feeling to see someone special walk into a room, look into their eyes and feel love reciprocating as energies are exchanged, and having never had sex. You know then, that you have value.

Hiya... it never ceases to amaze me how much emphasis people put on sex... and I wonder sometimes is this an external expectation fed to them by external sources.. i.e. popular sources and media or is it something which is innately as hugely important as people make it out to be.. and that is coming from someone who is naturally quiet passionate and responsive...shall we say ....

I'll put it to you this way.. I have known couples whose relationship was based sex... generally don't last... and I have known couples who are based on compatibility, companionship and friendship..as well as sex... guess what still together!!...

I think sex is part of a healthy balance, and attraction is fairly essential..also people always go on about compatibility and the DANGER that you'll get together and it won't work...I think this is a potential concern which is overblown... if you love someone (and they love you) and you are attracted to one another... you will play around together and find what fits.. and even if you don't end up swinging of light fittings together, you will have so many other things to share..

I kinda admire people who can take their commitment seriously enough to but sex in its rightful.. which is... important, great.. but not the be all and end all in a relationship..

oops correction

Thanks HL, for your candid honesty
Aries I don't tell you nearly enough how much I like your posts

Your honesty is humbling, thank you. Maybe its that the emotions that surround sex are all important. Do feel that sex is an amazing way of expressing heartfelt love and affection - beats saying it with flowers any day. Sex without affection however is just not healthy, in the full meaning of what healthy means. Am told that women have finely tuned antenna as to why men want to have sex with them. Trust me, that works the other way as well.

Sex, when free from all the manipulation is one of the healthiest, most pleasurable things we share with another person.

Society and religion have taken a natural and beautiful act and twisted it into something perverse and wrong. Some women use it as a tool to get things that they desire... security, affection, marriage. Some men feel powerful by taking what isn't freely given, either by force or manipulation.

The act of sex is something that is meant to be shared not given or taken and I think one of the most enjoyable means of expressing desire, love, caring, pleasure and simple joy of being alive.

Also imo. Well said, Galwayman

---well said ibibiza!

It's part of it. Great responses in this thread. I would go mental if there was no sexing. It's a very important expression of love that adds the confirmation factor.
Plus, our bodies do have physiological needs, and making love is one of them. Our bodies are made for love making, so denying it can be a little frustrating.

Sex should not be defined as "fun"! It is a very personal and intimate things that should be part of a healthy relationship....

Quick coffee break here



Yes, sex is a major factor in a healthy relationship without any dout.

However......albeit agreeing that is a very personal and intimate occurance between two consenting adults, it may not always be part of a full time relationship.

There are those situations were two people meet, share, and keep on going on thier respective journeys. Not at all tied in relationship.

And beyond any shadow of a doubt, it is 'fun' enough for you to remeber for the rest of your days as something precious that occurred.

Hey Kuzita! How are ya! Yeah, I'm having my coffee as well.

I totally agree with your post. I must be honest, if I don't get sexing after a while in a relationship, it is a real challenge to handle my emotions. I had a relationship with a woman where if we had some kind of argument, it would result in no sexing for up to a week to a month....depending on how angry she was. This lady just took a long time to forgive or understand, it was more of a problem that she had with herself. Anyways, it was just really hard during that time for me to manage that situation. Hey, I need sexing in a relationship, otherwise, the relationship beause unhealthy. My body needs touching and my mind needs intimacy..

Wise words.

This is a perfect example of what I mean by using sex as a tool and I've never been able to understand it. To me it's a bit like cutting of your nose to spite your face.

I do have to disagree with you about not terming sex as fun... if a man can't laugh in bed with me then he doesn't belong there with me. Deep emotional intense sex has it's place but so does light hearted, playful, fun sex.

Not using it as a tool, just saying it is a challenge to not have sex in a relationship. That is just me and that is how I am. You have your opinion and that is fine. I don't know what you mean about playful fun in the bed? I don't like to play games in the bed, but if something funny accidentally happens, sure I can laugh. I just like to take making love seriously. I can have fun with my partner in a bunch of other situations, but joking around in the bedroom is not my style. I have never actually met a woman who likes to have playful, fun sex....whatever that means? That is all. I don't mind whatsoever that you enjoy having playful fun. I just see sex as something that is above playful fun.

Sex can be fun, passionate, playful, serious, sad, hilarious, and the list goes on. I would think that every emotion we feel can be part of sex.

I understand. Everybody is entitled to their own perception about sex. Sad? I don't follow on that one.

I just seem to attract the women who are into passionate and "fuck of the century" type sex. I guess it can be defined as fun....but sad? Ha Ha, sad? Please tell more patrick, I am curious. Hilarious?

People, please give examples when you speak of playful, hilarious and sad. Enlighten me. I have an open mind here and just want to see other perspectives with some examples.....