Posted: Apr 30, 2008, 6:54 AM CST
Serenity1971 wrote:This may sound kind of selfishnice, but...
The most important relationship is the one I have with myself and my Higher Power. If I'm going to change it's for self improvement, not because someone else wants me to. I will compromise, but not at the expense of my values beliefs or me as a person. I don't expect a person to change in order to suit me, we either accept each other as we are or not, and if not there can be no relationship. I will however point out to the person I am in the relationship with if it's not going to work, why it's not going to work for me. I don't want someone that is going to compromise themselves for me either. If we keep our expectations low or out of the picture all together, we aren't disappointed. Accept ourselves for who we are and accept others for who they are. All will be well
I so over the top agree with this post Serenity. My last relationship I can honestly say that I did not in any way try and change my girlfriend. I just understood. She tried to change me here and there...like getting up in the morning exactly when she gets up or showing her love the way she wished for me to show her love.....like giving her a baby. I simply told her that is how I am and that I would try and get up every so often to get up around sevenish in the morning with her.
There are two halves in a relationship, we are only responsible for taking care of our half, not the others. When we overstep that, then we get into controlling our partner, then the hell begins. That is not love or respect. It's pure egoism. A partner must have the liberty to be oneself in peace and in understanding. That is why it is important to take your partner as she is...as he is. And we cannot pretend to be something we are not when we introduce ourselves to potential partners. Because down the road, the real you will show, and your partner will be somewhat confused and disappointed. Most important, you will be angry with yourself for lying to yourself.
It is simple, if somebody constantly wants to change you or vice versa, then that partner is not for you. It will never work. Why get a cat when you wish for a dog? You can't make your cat do dog tricks can ya? How do you know who is the right one? The one who gives you the liberty to be yourself, to love you as you are and not how you should be. If the relationship gets in the "why can't you" or "you never" phase, it's not a good sign, but it can be worked out if the person eventually accepts you and sees things as they are and not they way they think things should be according the his/her picture of perfection that should be in a partner and relationship....