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Growing up, I had more male friends that female friends;
now I have male friends that I have complete confidence even to sleep over if needed.

At one point we discussed our status and we created the boundaries for our relationship and it is extremely comforting to have each other.

We meet, we go out, we are there for each other, we each have relationships and we know how to respect that.

It is usually the female partners that get funny about spending time with them...

that

Same....I could sleep in the same bed with my male friends just like my female friends...not between them and their partners of course!!
We know our boundaries and stick with them..I used to backpack with one of them often..share a tent etc.. etc.. and not once did we engage in any intimacy or consider it..I truly love him..but in a totally different way.

A man and woman have a lot to offer each other in friendship.

If they express and interest and you say no, then if they are willing to accept that and just be friends, would you, or could you trust that they will in fact honour that?
Would you always be suspicious or feel uncomfortable knowing that they saw something in you that they were attracted to?

I believe and know they can. I have a few male friends and we naturally know that dancing in the sheets is out of the question.

I actually get along better with male friends then I do with women ones.

I think the whole point of having good "opposite sex" friends is based on the feeling of security you have near them - the asexuate feeling; once you sense they are attractde and the " rules" might be broken, the friendship will not be the same.

Then it's up to each person's decission to go further and explore the intimacy or to stop the relationship altogether.

It did happen to me once and I felt betrayed ...and the friendship got lost, I lost the trust in him.

They have always been willing to accept that I don't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend, and it has happened only 3 or 4 times btw. My experience with almost any guy I've gotten close to is knowing them first for a while, like in a group of friends, or at school, or work, or something. So any relationship I've ever had didn't start with dating but with getting to know someone casually on an ongoing basis. I don't consider this closeness or friendship, but being acquaintances. When it's been relationships, at some point we start being romantic. With the other situations I'm talking about, I wanted it to be just friends, they wanted more and said so. They were nice guys and 'accepted' my feelings, but I am not comfortable being close to someone who feels that way about me, it is an imbalance, it complicates things. I am sure they would always honor my feelings, because I believe they were nice people. So, if you want to say there is a problem, I guess it is mine. But I don't see it as a problem, I just am comfortable with relationships that are equal, balanced.

I meant people you have just met but I guess it could apply to friends you've had for a while as well.

If that's all it takes to end a friendship, how good of a friendship was it in the first place?

These "rules" about dating and relationships are all a set up to failure as far as I can see. I've never been much for rules as I see every situation being different and can't apply a set of rules to be governed by other than treating others with respect. If they or myself are not interested, then not. Move on, but that doesn't mean the friendship has to be over.
How do you see it as a breach of trust when someone says they like you or would like to be more than friends? If they can accept it and act accordingly, why would you hold that against them?
Maybe it's just me (and some others I know) but I don't get it.

It doesn’t mean it’s all that it takes to end a friendship, but it’s changing it into a different type of relationship and we’re talking here male-female frienship.
I wouldn’t continue to have the same easiness around him knowing he would seize any opportunity to win me, when I am not intersted in that.

So, no, I won’t be able to see him as the same friend he was before…in my eyes, I lost a good friend and I gain a ‘regular’ friend. I was not interested in him in a romantic way and he knew that to start with....
It might be a woman thing, that’s how it works for me.

The ‘rules’ are the ones usually this type of relationship comes with – they are not required and depend from person to person. In my experience, usually setting rules/boundries help creating a healthy and truthfull friendship but again, it’s optional, everybody set it up the way they consider it fit.

Now, if during the relation, the feelings start to change and there's an open discussion about that....that's a whoooole different thing; We know where we stand and we can agree on a plan together.

Well I guess do whatever you're comfortable with, but please try to have a little empathy for the one's that are willing to be "just" your friend afterwards. Getting the cold shoulder sucks and can make a person wary and mistrustful of the opposite sex.

Not trying to argue or pick a fight, just gain some understanding. I've seen this happen many times but still don't see why it ends up that way.

I never gave anyone the cold shoulder. We stayed acquaintances, co-workers, whatever, in one case belonging to the same group of 'friends' for years. But we did could not stay close. Maybe it has more to do with my definition of friendship.

And I never felt mistrust. Just that it wasn't the basis for an open, free, uncomplicated friendship. Maybe I was wrong. I'll rethink it next time.

I think the point is being thuthfull to staying just a friend....maybe for us women, too many times it happens that someone you refuse as a partner, might accept to be a friend in hopes to regain the partner status one day...and that is 'scarry" and deceiving and it makes you feel haunted.
I do feel that an honest conversation would solve this dilema.

I think it happens both ways. I've known women who just want to be friends with a guy they're attracted to, but if he's not into it, he doesn't want to be close friends with her. It make people uncomfortable. I think that's the reason. I never asked any guy about it, but it is what women have told me--it makes them uncomfortable.

This is why guys hate those 6 words:


I only like you as a friend!

Now I get it!!

I'd say having an open, uncomplicated friendship would and should include discussion of such feelings if there were any. If it's not the same on the other end, then so be it, move on, but that's no reason to end anything.
No point in having any sort of relations with a person you would consider having as a friend or a partner if you can't discuss things in a rational and open manner. Leaves too much to the imagination and lingering doubts.
If one or the other can't accept the other not feeing the same way if there's an interest in something more than friendship, then there is very little basis for any sort of anything and it may be best to terminate all diplomatic relations.