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No, you aren't a fool...just the opposite. You have a wonderful heart, and it led you to a place where you wanted to be. I am sorry things ended up like it did, but if you didn't follow through with your ex-wife, you would have wondered "what if"?

I consider you to be one of the most interesting, thoughtful, honest, and I know you will hate me, but nicest people on CS.

Your honesty and telling people point blank what you think is always done with kindness in your heart. You have a wisdom and you want to pass it on to others who seek help here in the forums. That takes alot of courage and I for one really appreciate you here in the forums.

I am glad you heeded your words you so wisely and with compassion, said to me 3 months ago. You moved forward from this and I have too. Thank you my friend for your help in one of the hardest times in my life.

(no, I do not have a man crush... )

bump...

This must be the thread you bumped.

Great reading, very insightful. This is definitely going to have me thinking, but in my heart, I KNOW that I am fooling myself into seeing what I want; and right now, I believe she is trying somply to be the opposite of that, in order to drive me away, because this is simply too painful for us to continue.

But does the possibility exist that because I have broken off all contact with her, that the effect will reverse and she will, in time, think I am what she wants again?

I certainly hope not, because I don't know if I am strong enough to handle it again. I'm working on it, but if and / or when it does occour, IDK how I will take it. it is not in my personal nature to reject those that I love. And this is not the kind f love you can just wash off or erace. It's etched into the granite of my soul, and swims in my blood...

Sometimes you let the person go but can't just simply turn off the feelings no matter what you do. However if you love them but you know it's not right you have to let them be and hope that time fades those feelings. Nothing wrong with the love as long as you don't try to tie them to you.

We shared such a close bond. I have never met anyone like her, and she tried for years to get me to stop the drinking and get my head out of my ass, but I thought I could maintain.

I am the one who ruined her opinion of me, and the guilt I feel is incredible. She loved me unconditionally for so long, and I hurt her so badly. I don't know how to make the guilt go away. I am so ashamed, and ultimately, I am the one that destroyed my happy home, and made her revile me, and put myself hundreds of miles away from my daughter.

We shared such a close bond. I have never met anyone like her, and she tried for years to get me to stop the drinking and get my head out of my ass, but I thought I could maintain.

I am the one who ruined her opinion of me, and the guilt I feel is incredible. She loved me unconditionally for so long, and I hurt her so badly. I don't know how to make the guilt go away. I am so ashamed, and ultimately, I am the one that destroyed my happy home, and made her revile me, and put myself hundreds of miles away from my daughter.[/q



She probably still loves you but if she has moved on right now so must you. There is always hope though you never know the funny turns that life takes. When you get the chance to talk to her treat her as if she is the most precious thing out there. Now is the time to show her and your daughter that you are growing up. You may not win her back but you will have peace which is great for your daugther's, your ex gf and your sake.

With one girl,but looking back,I didn't love her.It wasn't a relationship built on mutual respect and honest,but a relationship built on dependency.
A relationship that can only bring two people downhill.

You know, I read this thread, back when our lovely Stressfree started it.

But I have never seen a person, not one who has faced up to his demons like you have...

I take my hat off to you, and those people that know me here, know I deliver that only when I mean it.

You know? You have touched myheart with your post.

There is one word I have for you. Not a word I use lightly, but one that is delivered from my soul.

Courage.

You have that in plenty.

Real, deep, courage.

I salute you, honestly I do.

You are going to get through this.

I am just certain of it.

Very sweet and touching, Sommer.

Well Dana...

There are few who do touch me...

In fact there are a handful, you being on there...

But that post, shows a man taking responsibility for his actions, and I can do nothing other than applaud that...

And applaud I will.

Plentiful.

Sometimes love means letting go. It takes time my friend. Most important of all, please forgive yourself. Overcome and believe! Your well being depends on it.

We all have our problems man, forgive yourself, respect yourself and don't hate yourself. It worked for me in the past.

You can always love her in your own way, but wanting to only love her for the rest of your life may present some problems. Other opportunities will come once you find balance within yourself. I know you don't want to hear that, but welcome to life. It's saturated with adversity and challenges to strengthen your soul.

There is light, but it may be through another door.

This is a good but very complicated thread/topic. Question for example...when do you let go, if a girl you have feelings for doesn't show clear sign that she has feelings for you? I mean do you hold on till the next best thing comes along...marry have kids...only to find out later that she had feelings for you, but was perhaps confused at that stage...mmm. Too late to turn the clock back and you will perhaps forever wonder...

It burns doesn't it? What a fool believes, either way, both ways


When do we let go? Easier said than done...so true, what seems to be... is always better than nothing. Reason away...

Yes, sometimes it is very hard to let go. We try to hold on, thinking if only I'd done this or if only I'd said that. But in the end, we simply can't hold onto someone who doesn't want to be held onto. In the great scheme of things, they probably would've broken up down the road for some other reason. Only if a bond is strong enough can it withstand anything. Usually the breaking has already started but we turn a blind eye to it, hoping it will disappear.

This song has helped me out many times:

"The Letting Go" by Melissa Ethridge

I came here to let you know
The letting go
Has taken place
I have held the winter's son
Become one
Set my pace
Isn't that what we wanted all along
Freedom like a stone
But I can say goodbye
Now that the passion's died
Still it comes so slow
The letting go

Piece by piece I take apart
This complicated heart
And I hope to find
Something I can prove is real
I can feel is truth
I can say is mine
That's all I ever wanted to be
The closer that I got
The further I could see
But when lovers change
And the night feels strange
We choose our road
The letting go

I came here to let you know
The letting go
Has taken place

Great topic, T.

You speak deep words of wisdom L...

I posted a blog about holding onto stupid shit today.
It's ridiculous.

You put it a tad more eloquently, all the crazy tends to hinder my articulation.

"Sure it takes time to get over a break up, but why why invest so much energy and time as well as manipulate yourself into thinking and desiring somebody who simply does not want to be with you?"

Moving on and up, best advice to anyone who's torturing themselves over What Ifs?

Geez... If everybody is gonna post about foolishness... Let me throw in my two cents worth...

"Something I Can Never Have"

I still recall the taste of your tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.

My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep anymore.

You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.

I'm down to just one thing.
And I'm starting to scare myself.

You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.

I just want something.
I just want something I can never have

You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now.

This thing is slowly taking me apart.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.

Come on tell me

In this place it seems like such a shame.
Though it all looks different now, I know it's still the same

Everywhere I look you're all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.

Come on tell me

I just want something I can never have...

Ok... I didn't write it Trent Reznor did... But it does work for me... Called hopelessness in foolishness...

Ahhh... Why did I post this ???

I look back and I did some harm to myself for holding on so long. I have learned a tremendous lesson from it...you can't trust soley based on someone's words in a relationship, rather you build trust through time and actions.

Well said Ken.

It's really hard to let go when we "hope" and have "faith". It's fear in overdrive with the "how am I supposed to live without you" attitude. I think when we are younger, we learn these lessons the hard way. As we do life, hopefully we learn our lessons and only grow stronger and wiser as we journey along.

T, I've learned that holding on, to me, usually puts me in a place where I'm not as good as him, in my mind. What makes me think that this man is worthy of my crying & pining over him? As I stated in my thread a few days ago. They're only human, as are we. It's as if we put ourselves "beneath" these other people. When we realize that we are as good or better than them, we give ourselves power to move on & regain self-esteem. Then we can find someone who is truly worthy of our love & affection.

"Never make someone a priority while allowing them to make you an option." I love this quote! I've said it to myself many, many times & it's great self-therapy!!