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Understanding Men


What Men Really Mean:

"I'm going fishing."
Really means...

"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Woman driver."
Really means...

"Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."

"It's a guy thing."
Really means...

"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, hence you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means...

Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.

"My wife doesn't understand me."
Really means...

"She's heard all my excuses before, and is tired of them."

"It would take too long to explain."
Really means...

"I have no idea how it works."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means...

"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"It's a really good movie."
Really means...

"It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."

"That's women's work."
Really means...

"It's difficult, dirty, and please don't make me do it!"

"Go ask your mother."
Really means...

"I am completely incapable of making a decision."

"I do help around the house."
Really means...

"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

"I can't find it."
Really means...

"It didn't miraculously fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

that all is so true.!!

Too funny! And unfortunately too true!

I started to bypass this thread based on the title, till I saw it was in jokes & humor. Seriously understanding men is a waste of time! Love em yeah, but understand? Forgt it!

Yep and they say we are hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!!!

When a man tells YOU:

"Don't worry, **WE'LL** figure it out"...

he could *really* mean.......

*I* will be figuring it out on my own.
*I* will reach a decision about what's what.
*I* will decide what's best for ME and YOU.
*I* won't change my mind no matter what *YOU* say...

oh and incidentally....

*YOU* will be the LAST to know...

---

What does one do?

, , , or ?

..... far cry between WORDS and ACTIONS!

OR he could mean...we will just never discuss it again!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or he could mean, I know you'll take care of this crisis I created. That's what my ex usually expected.

*IF* he DOES hang around at all for enough time to *discuss* things! Or maybe even so, he might do that *only* to try and *FIX* it, until you *accept* things, and until he gets the *impression* that you are NOW ok with everything.....

Hence, he will only be working on ridding himself of feelings of guilt. With that done, then you're expected to make your merry way..... with no hurt feelings at all, and a feelgood attitude!


Yeah: this does deserve a

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Yes the old absolution of guilt thing....Been there done that...As long as it appears you feel ok then they did absolutely nothing wrong!!!!!!!!!!

Yes! The crisis HE created would *now* become YOUR problem! *Deal with it* attitude!

that last one is the best, i always say men close their eyes tight when looking for something.

Addendum: My posts weren't meant as a male-bashing *treat*, there definitely are GREAT men out there, who treat women with respect and so **HAT's off to you all!!**

But....we all need to have a little rant every now and again!

I agree, men can't find anything unless it's got a pop top or hair around it. (OMG, did I actually say that!)

Please explain.