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Great Barry

Will you look like pink elphants dancing......








Is des trying to get me intoxicated, LOL

Why she was So blonde?


She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate".

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

She got stabbed in a shoot-out.

She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK".

She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She tried to drown a fish.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.

They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.

Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

She tripped over a cordless phone.

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Sagittarius."

She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

It takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.

She studied for a blood test and failed.

She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.

She thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

She sold the car for gas money.

When she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.

When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

She thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.

When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

When she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.

who me

Yes You

Pouring another for you

That was some great s**t Des.

A blonde was driving home after work and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said... "HEL-LOOOOOOOO ...You gotta roll up the windows!!!


Duh!!!

A little music for the ladies.

Aerosmith -

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
When, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and
thank God we're together
I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/aF ]
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
and I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
I Feel your heart so close to mine
And we'll stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time Yeah
Yeah Yeah Yeah YEAHHHH!!

I Don't wanna close my eyes
I Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Don't wanna close my eyes
I Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
And I don't wanna miss a thing

The Pina Colada is working


The blonde called to make a reservation. She told the agent she wanted to fly to Rhino, New York. The agent, not knowing of a town called Rhino, asked if she was sure that was the name of the place. The blonde insisted, so the agent searched through every air port code in the country.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. I can't find a Rhino anywhere," he said.

"Don't be silly. It's a big city. Everyone knows where it is. Look at your map," said the blonde.

The agent did and came back to the phone. "Ma'am," he said, "Could it be Buffalo?"

"Whatever," she said, "I knew it was some big animal.

Priest Sipping Vodka


A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's!

Damn she's fine Des and only 10,318 miles from me!

Barry X is a wonderful sweet sexy and beautiful lady

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."