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Hi There!

I am new to all of this online dating thing!! I lost my husband almost 2 years ago and have not dated since.. I have made peace with it now and am ready to date again! Have had only one first date in over 10 years!!!!! Guess my wuestions is...how to I not talk about my husband when guys ask me about things I do and places I have been? I know it has to be uncomfortable for a guy to here.."We Went here all the time or we did this" I feel bad bringing him up but he was my life for 10 years!! Guys out there...would it bother you if a woman brought up her seceased husband when on a date ?

Thanks for you input!!

KD,
Not at all!! You know, a guy that gets pissed about this should have his ass kicked anyway. This was a large part of your life and you should be able to discuss anything you want to discuss or talk about. Remember, friends talk and your "guy" has to be your friend too.
So, if they are bothered by this, to heck with them :-)

definatly don't be afraid to bring ur ex up as long as its not every word out of your mouth and the guy youre with should feel special like you wanna be there...but he was a huge part of your life and they need to respect that as much as they would respect the rest of your family

Welcome kdpatty!!! I totally know what you mean,,I lost mine too,,,and WOW,,it was hard,,still is on occassion.He was definately the best thing that ever happened to me!!! I still bring him up alot,,but I tend to use humor when I do,,,also knowing,,,HE,,being the one who taught me how to smile,,laugh,,and love,,(would and,probably is,laughing) Have a great gay kdpatty!!Stay strong,,you'll make it through!!
Jesse!!

kdpatty, wether they have passed away or its a divorce, it is hard not to talk about someone you have spent so many years with, and the guys talk about their exs too, so don't worry about it too much, and good luck

Death makes me sad, but I would much rather talk to
a woman who was sad from a loss than one who was
bitter over a miserable SOB whom she had to divorce,
and at least the late husbands are not likely to show
up drunk and abusive and demand the services of their
ex-wife, wanting to know who this new guy is and
threatening him with physical violence. Yes, it
is sad, but I would be happy to date a widow,
and wouldn't mind hearing her talk about her
husband sometimes, unless she was completely
obsessive about him. A pretty widow like you
would be most appealling, I might add. I hope
I might add, uh, might I?

dpw

douglas your incorrigible lol

amen douglas, I happen to be one of those bitter women who has nothing good to say about my ex sob of a husband.
patty, I think its ok to talk about what your life was about while your hubby was alive, just don't make it all of your conversation. tell about him ,,then move the topic on.

Thank you to all of you!! I don't constantly talk about him...But just didn't know how men would react!! And no,,,Not very likely he is gonna show up at my door... lol lol We just did so many adventerous things together...I did most of them with him!! But I am glad all of you have welcomed me and responded!! I finally figured out that he is the one that died...not me!

Thanks again!!

Karen

Hi kdpatty!

I feel if you find the right guy he will honor,respect and be willing to accept the love you and your husband shared. It's not like you got a divorce. It sounds to me that you must of had a great marriage and if he had not passed away you would probably still be together. That is real love and anyone with a real heart would appreciate the sacredness of it. You said you are at peace with it and if that's the case I am sure you are going to be aright because you can now move forward. I wish you the best.

It was your husband and obviously a very important part of your life. You should be always able to talk about him whenever you wish. If he was your boyfriend or just someone you dated for a long time, then yes I can understand if your date has a problem with you mentioning about him. But if someone has a problem with you talking about your husband , then they are very immature.

I agree with everyone else who has posted in this thread. Your husband was a big part of your life while he was alive and any guy who can't understand that isn't deserving of you.

So very true, indeed. If we are going to try to heal then we need to share the hurt. If we are going to try to better then we need to share the wrong. I have found it better to share how I hurt another than to justify and rationalize why I thought I was right. We must realize that we can't change the past but it is never too late to change the present. Making amends to those we hurt even if we were not aware of is a never too late thing to do. If we can not share it with the one we hurt maybe we can share it with others who were hurt from things we did simialar as the one who hurt them. How can we change to be better if we can't share?

A decent man will understand if you need to talk about your husband that passed away. After all that was your life too before you met. I think when someone expects you to replace their lost love that is something else that would be hard to deal with. Give enough time to except the loss and then date. You will always have that someone in your heart and would be wrong for anyone to make anyone feel bad for that.

we as humans are an accumulation of our past experiences........based on THAT how could someone hope to get to know you and NOT hear and or learn of your late husband? seems to me thats a given....how can any of us talk of our pasts without SOME people that influenced them greatly NOT come up ? personaly i think it's impossible. so i can't see how you talking about him in explaination of places or things in your life can or could be taken as rude or insensitive.... just my .02

Hi: Some very good observations and responses! I'd like to add to the "dating after death" question. I lost my husband three years ago. I too am ready to move on and interestingly, my life has changed in many ways. I've grown. I had a great 20 year marriage. I started some light dating after a year and for me that was too soon. (But it was the loneliness factor) But, I did learn some valuable lessons after having been out of dating for about 25 years! lol. It comes up in conversation at times about my husband and things we did, especially since I have three boys. (older) I think if you have kids it definitely complicates the matter a wee bit and I've found that even though I'm not too bad on the eyes, I haven't been asked out in almost a year, and I am proactive :-) Dating sites, social life, town involvement, etc.... A guy friend told me dating a widow who had a good marriage is something he'd hesitate to do....and maybe that was just his problem or insecurity. but I know there are good guys out there, you just have to look and know in your heart what is right for each of us, no matter what the circumstances are that we find ourselves single at this point in life.