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Just remember it is only a joke OK.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

4. Crying is blackmail.

5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!

6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

9. never ask the loaded question to a man does this dress makes me look fat.

10. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

11. You can either ask us to do something. Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

12. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

13. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.


14. If it itches, it will be scratched. That is what we do.

15. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..

16. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

17. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine . . . . Really.

18. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or tanks.

19. You have enough clothes.

20. You have too many shoes.

21.Every dish can be improved with bacon.

22.Do not trust a man who calls the bathroom "the little boys room."

23.No talking at the urinal.

24.A man may own exactly one pair of holiday-themed boxers.

25.Never date a woman whose father calls her "princess."

26.A PBS tote bag does not make you an intellectual.

27.The weirder the cell phone ring, the more annoying the person.

28.Real men don't dance.

well, #1, 7 and 9 are debatable
#19, 20 and 28 are for sure,
and 21 is disgusting, youre headed for heart disease, buddy.
and the rest are fairly true.
you forgot to add that real men are better listeners than we're given credit for.

Becoming A Real Man.....

A new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY, BECOMING A REAL MAN. That’s right, in just six quarters, you too can be a real man.

The program outline:

FIRST YEAR Fall Schedule

MEN 101 Combating Stupidity

MEN 102 You Too Can Do Housework

MEN 103 PMS- Learn When To Keep Your Mouth Shut

MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas

Winter Schedule:

MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques

MEN 111 Understanding The Female Response To Getting In At 4AM

MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn’t End With Conception

MEN 113 Get A Life, Learn To Cook

Spring Schedule:

MEN 120 How NOT To Act Like An Asshole When You’re Wrong

MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence

MEN 122 YOU, The Weaker Sex

MEN 123 Reasons To Give Flowers

SECOND YEAR Fall Schedule:

SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It

SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It’s Awake, Take A Shower

MEN 201 How To Stay Awake After Sex

MEN 202 How To Put The Toilet Seat Down

Winter Schedule:

MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency

MEN 211 How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children

MEN 212 You Too, Can Be A Designated Driver

MEN 213 Honest - You Don’t Look Like Tom Cruise - Especially Naked

Spring Schedule:

MEN 220 Omitting @#%~&*! From Your Vocabulary

MEN 221 Fluffing The Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary

MEN 222 Real Men Ask For Directions

MEN 223 Thirty Minutes Of Begging Is Not Considered Foreplay

thats one school which lacks insight.

That's good, I like that one. Just one thing though, about #4 its not blackmail its a death trap.

Funny and too true. Number 28 though; smart men slow dance to hold their woman close.

Only applies to some men I know. The real men are pretty accomplished and very handy around the house.

That was funny to read ... except for the toilet seat bit.

I liked and agree with it, good one Des.


As for the later one, it was cute but

these have been cut & pasted many times on many threads.....it was funny about a year or so ago.....but they are funny, sorta....cause i do love to dance....especially Salsa.....