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When I was in about the fifth grade.

Our class was having a trial of Benidict Arnold and the teacher picked me to be the defense for him.

Another kid was to be the defendant.

I shocked the teacher with my opening statement......

"I move that this trail be declared a mistrial due to prejudice of the court and jury!"

The teacher's mouth dropped open and she stammered and said "We will go just like we are."



I watched Perry Mason a lot!!!!!

Tell a true story bout you!

My father was checking the pickup under the hood. It was snowing.....a mean little boy (me) whops my father in the neck with a snow ball and the snow went down his shirt. He really didn't take my apology serious.....because I was laughing too hard as I said, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hit you in the neck...I was trying to hit you upside the head!"

When I was a youngun in school..

We were learning about science.. and talking about energy..

The teacher asked me something that can power something else..

and I said 'batteries like Durex'..

she said.. 'Ermm.. I think you mean Duracell Claire'

I said.. 'No, I mean Durex' ...


she said.. 'Ohh.. okay'




It was only when I got older I realised what I said..


Durex is a brand of condoms.. here anyway.

Next! Your turn! ditto! same mo!



I already told you about the space ship in my back yard....didn't I?

My father was asked by the teacher to turn up the raidator. She said, Will you screw the raidiator.................Mam! I don't know how to screw a raidiator. She said you screw it like a fruit jar..........mam! I have never screwed a fruit jar. He got sent to the office! he told the principle...."She was the one coming up with the dirty stuff!!!

When I was a teen I was working for a farmer. For some reason he had to borrow the neighbor's manure spreader. I was unfamiliar with it so the farmer and his friend were at the back of the spreader telling me to "engage the lever by your knee". I did........and they got sprayed with cow shit. It flew everywhere, including all over them. I looked back for a few seconds laughing so hard that tears came to my eyes...as their arms were flailing trying to dodge crap.

And you was so sorry as you laughed you ass off too.