I'm confused & not sure what to do...

fireliter
Allen Park, Michigan USA

Posted: Jun 4, 2008, 8:46 AM CST

Forced isolation from society and family causes alot of disruption in ones life... employment, living situation, even self esteem can be damaged to an extent.

I know when I did a 90 day sentence, what my wants and needs where upon my release... I needed a job and a residence.... I wanted the affections of a woman.

allow him to establish / acquire his basic needs for living... and in the meantime do not allow your desire for companionship with him to destroy your own heart or life.
remember if he is in a needy situation he is not his own man and others that offer him shelter food and means to survive will be controlling his actions.

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Ambrose2007
Badger, South Dakota USA

Posted: Jun 4, 2008, 8:48 AM CST

Arlene101 wrote:

Hi Jeff: I saw your mugshot on here twice in the last 2 weeks when I signed in and today I saw this one you are using now.

Hi, Arlene!

How did you know this was a mugshot??

(I told the police that I was merely on my way to a Halloween party but my car broke down so I had to hobble along the main boulevard downtown in my high heels and hot pants and was only trying to hitch a ride when that nasty undercover cop picked me up! What happened to having a little human faith in people?)

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mastic55
Long Island, New York USA

Posted: Jun 4, 2008, 8:49 AM CST

s to adjust or is totally out mind at this point.....don't give up but be careful.

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mastic55
Long Island, New York USA

Posted: Jun 4, 2008, 8:51 AM CST

mastic55 wrote:

s to adjust or is totally out mind at this point.....don't give up but be careful.

Only half of my post came out, I'm having a bad hair day and going to the deli for coffee now....love you all peace...

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Arlene101
Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia Canada

Posted: Jun 4, 2008, 12:15 PM CST

Ambrose2007 wrote:

Hi, Arlene!

How did you know this was a mugshot?? (I told the police that I was merely on my way to a Halloween party but my car broke down so I had to hobble along the main boulevard downtown in my high heels and hot pants and was only trying to hitch a ride when that nasty undercover cop picked me up! What happened to having a little human faith in people?)

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tabyjean
Shingle Springs, California USA

Posted: Jun 5, 2008, 1:20 AM CST

mastic55 wrote:

With all the new laws and rights he has to be gay....all joking aside, I been around for a while it sounds like he's setting you up to move in and live off you...jmo

See that's just it though, I am an outgoing person...I offered him to stay here (no its not just cause I like him because I've done this for many people including 2 single mothers I didn't know) but he said no cause he didn't want to live off me & at that time had no job & he wanted to stay there for a while so he could get his stuff together.

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langleygirl
Langley, British Columbia Canada

Posted: Jun 5, 2008, 1:28 AM CST

tabyjean wrote:

OK...I met this guy about 3 months ago that lives in my town from another on line dating site. I really like him but not sure what to do or what to think. I'm not going to tell his hole life story but here is why I'm confused.

We met & hit it off really well. He told me he was really interested in me & was in this for the long hall but we weren't together officially if you know what I mean. Anyways, he just got out of prison & is trying to get his life on the right track... He all the sudden vanishes for like 2 weeks than texts me asking if i could forgive someone who just vanished? I said yes cause I'm one who gives chances but asked why he did that. He told me that the person he was living with was given a 3 day notice that he couldn't be there or they would loose their apt. Now he's living in a men's christian home & working on getting things right in his life. He mad plans to come over 1day after helping his pregnant sister move...he text saying he was done & was going to call me when he got back to his mothers & never did! 2 days later he text saying he was sorry his sister worked his but off & it was getting late & he didn't know how to tell me without me getting mad & how much he wanted me. He asked me if I've been with anyone else & I said no...He said he likes when a girl is faithful & he's down for his girl & asked if I would do that for him? Today will be 3 days & I haven't heard from him.

I understand he's been through a lot & has a lot going on but I'm wondering if this is a game he's playing or should I just be patient? Tell me what you think please...

He wants you to be "true" to him ........ but really he's not there for the relationship. Personally, I'd move on and find someone who is ready for a relationship. This guy does not sound like he's worth the heartache that is sure to follow.

Sounds like he really needs to get his life turned around ............. he truly needs to focus on that first before he'll be able to sustain a relationship with anyone including yourself. Just because you like him - doesn't make him the best person for you to be with - start thinking with your head.

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tabyjean
Shingle Springs, California USA

Posted: Jun 5, 2008, 1:29 AM CST

fireliter wrote:

Forced isolation from society and family causes alot of disruption in ones life... employment, living situation, even self esteem can be damaged to an extent.

I know when I did a 90 day sentence, what my wants and needs where upon my release... I needed a job and a residence.... I wanted the affections of a woman.

allow him to establish / acquire his basic needs for living... and in the meantime do not allow your desire for companionship with him to destroy your own heart or life.
remember if he is in a needy situation he is not his own man and others that offer him shelter food and means to survive will be controlling his actions.

Well thank you all...I heard from him today but don't think i'm going to walk away or stay...I think I'm just going to shop around for a while before I make any decisions & see what happens...because I see that he has a lot going on & it may be that hes playing games & he may not be

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langleygirl
Langley, British Columbia Canada

Posted: Jun 5, 2008, 1:44 AM CST

tabyjean wrote:

Well thank you all...I heard from him today but don't think i'm going to walk away or stay...I think I'm just going to shop around for a while before I make any decisions & see what happens...because I see that he has a lot going on & it may be that hes playing games & he may not be

Think you are best to take a step back ............... you deserve the best - so why settle for less?

There's a girl I work with - similar situation ......... now she's got a kid with him - he doesn't work because he can't hold down a job and there are lots of other problems that this guy has as well ........ her life is hell because of the choices that she made.

Unfortunately its not only affecting her but also all her kids lives. Sometimes we can love people - but its sometimes best to not be with them in a relationship.

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dcj22
Somewhere, Minnesota USA

Posted: Jun 5, 2008, 1:59 AM CST

He is taking you for a ride just to control you. Dump his sorry ass

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tabyjean
Shingle Springs, California USA

Posted: Jun 5, 2008, 2:03 AM CST

langleygirl wrote:

Think you are best to take a step back ............... you deserve the best - so why settle for less?

There's a girl I work with - similar situation ......... now she's got a kid with him - he doesn't work because he can't hold down a job and there are lots of other problems that this guy has as well ........ her life is hell because of the choices that she made.

Unfortunately its not only affecting her but also all her kids lives. Sometimes we can love people - but its sometimes best to not be with them in a relationship.

Maybe I said that wrong...I didn't mean I'm going for him...I think I'm just going to keep meeting new people & dating...take the time to get to know people as I'm dating & see what happens. I'm not going to just walk away from him cause it could be many things but I'm not going to just wait around for him...did that make more sense?

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langleygirl
Langley, British Columbia Canada

Posted: Jun 5, 2008, 2:03 AM CST

dcj22 wrote:

He is taking you for a ride just to control you. Dump his sorry ass

lol .......... short and to the point!

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HJFinAZ
Sun (Sin) CIty, Arizona USA

Posted: Jun 5, 2008, 2:05 AM CST

tabyjean wrote:

OK...I met this guy about 3 months ago that lives in my town from another on line dating site. I really like him but not sure what to do or what to think. I'm not going to tell his hole life story but here is why I'm confused.

We met & hit it off really well. He told me he was really interested in me & was in this for the long hall but we weren't together officially if you know what I mean. Anyways, he just got out of prison & is trying to get his life on the right track... He all the sudden vanishes for like 2 weeks than texts me asking if i could forgive someone who just vanished? I said yes cause I'm one who gives chances but asked why he did that. He told me that the person he was living with was given a 3 day notice that he couldn't be there or they would loose their apt. Now he's living in a men's christian home & working on getting things right in his life. He mad plans to come over 1day after helping his pregnant sister move...he text saying he was done & was going to call me when he got back to his mothers & never did! 2 days later he text saying he was sorry his sister worked his but off & it was getting late & he didn't know how to tell me without me getting mad & how much he wanted me. He asked me if I've been with anyone else & I said no...He said he likes when a girl is faithful & he's down for his girl & asked if I would do that for him? Today will be 3 days & I haven't heard from him.

I understand he's been through a lot & has a lot going on but I'm wondering if this is a game he's playing or should I just be patient? Tell me what you think please...

What do YOU want to do??

Go live YOUR life..

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Aries01
Dublin, Dublin Ireland

Posted: Jun 5, 2008, 2:07 AM CST

tabyjean wrote:

OK...I met this guy about 3 months ago that lives in my town from another on line dating site. I really like him but not sure what to do or what to think. I'm not going to tell his hole life story but here is why I'm confused.

We met & hit it off really well. He told me he was really interested in me & was in this for the long hall but we weren't together officially if you know what I mean. Anyways, he just got out of prison & is trying to get his life on the right track... He all the sudden vanishes for like 2 weeks than texts me asking if i could forgive someone who just vanished? I said yes cause I'm one who gives chances but asked why he did that. He told me that the person he was living with was given a 3 day notice that he couldn't be there or they would loose their apt. Now he's living in a men's christian home & working on getting things right in his life. He mad plans to come over 1day after helping his pregnant sister move...he text saying he was done & was going to call me when he got back to his mothers & never did! 2 days later he text saying he was sorry his sister worked his but off & it was getting late & he didn't know how to tell me without me getting mad & how much he wanted me. He asked me if I've been with anyone else & I said no...He said he likes when a girl is faithful & he's down for his girl & asked if I would do that for him? Today will be 3 days & I haven't heard from him.

I understand he's been through a lot & has a lot going on but I'm wondering if this is a game he's playing or should I just be patient? Tell me what you think please...

He sounds like big time trouble.. sorry honey... I would be fearful in fact.. especially since he had the Gall to ask you if you were faithful.. its a completely irrelevant question at this early stage...

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langleygirl
Langley, British Columbia Canada

Posted: Jun 5, 2008, 2:10 AM CST

tabyjean wrote:

Maybe I said that wrong...I didn't mean I'm going for him...I think I'm just going to keep meeting new people & dating...take the time to get to know people as I'm dating & see what happens. I'm not going to just walk away from him cause it could be many things but I'm not going to just wait around for him...did that make more sense?

Well .......... you're sounding wishy-washy ........................ you need to truly make up your mind what type of relationship that you want with him - sounds like you want him to me if he were to show you an interest.

BUT to be honest - sounds like he's got issues and truly he's probably not the best person to have in your life at this time. I'd back off - like 9-12 months .................. then maybe see where he's at in his life/recovery.

You can't fix him or rescue him ........................ its up to him and truly if he were that into you ........ you'd know beyond a doubt. I still say - move on because you'll probably end up getting hurt.

Look for good healthy people to involve in your life ............... look for people going somewhere and who've got their lives on track. Healthy people attract healthy people and since you also have a child - all the more reason to pick a wonderful man.

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patrickthomas
Mullingar, Westmeath Ireland

Posted: Jun 5, 2008, 2:12 AM CST

fireliter wrote:

Forced isolation from society and family causes alot of disruption in ones life... employment, living situation, even self esteem can be damaged to an extent.

I know when I did a 90 day sentence, what my wants and needs where upon my release... I needed a job and a residence.... I wanted the affections of a woman.

allow him to establish / acquire his basic needs for living... and in the meantime do not allow your desire for companionship with him to destroy your own heart or life.
remember if he is in a needy situation he is not his own man and others that offer him shelter food and means to survive will be controlling his actions.

Everyone here says to walk away except you, and you are the only person who has been in this mans position!

A society that does not allow mistakes and forgive is a very harsh society indeed, and so what if it is a mistake, Have not the majority of people here made mistakes in relationships?

I for one have made many "mistakes" in relationships and hope to make many more.

Good on you for making this post.

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dcj22
Somewhere, Minnesota USA

Posted: Jun 5, 2008, 2:14 AM CST

langleygirl wrote:

lol .......... short and to the point!

I'm sorry, I'm in pain. I shouldn't have been like that. Can I use the fact that Portiea, my evil twin, is taking a break so I'll have to fill in for her on the evil part?

I'm sorry tabbyjean, I didn't mean to be rude. I just think this man is going to hurt you in the end. Then he'll go on and lead his life while you pick up the pieces of yours. I'd hate to see that happen.

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tabyjean
Shingle Springs, California USA

Posted: Jun 5, 2008, 2:29 AM CST

dcj22 wrote:

I'm sorry, I'm in pain. I shouldn't have been like that. Can I use the fact that Portiea, my evil twin, is taking a break so I'll have to fill in for her on the evil part? I'm sorry tabbyjean, I didn't mean to be rude. I just think this man is going to hurt you in the end. Then he'll go on and lead his life while you pick up the pieces of yours. I'd hate to see that happen.

Its ok...I asked for others opinions, & you all are just telling me what you think or have learned from your lives. I'm not taking it personal. I've been through so much & am still learning. & I can bet I will make so many more mistakes through my life that I will learn from. That is why I ask others for their thoughts...so I can learn...LOL I may not always listen but I at least do my best...

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dcj22
Somewhere, Minnesota USA

Posted: Jun 5, 2008, 2:31 AM CST

tabyjean wrote:

Its ok...I asked for others opinions, & you all are just telling me what you think or have learned from your lives. I'm not taking it personal. I've been through so much & am still learning. & I can bet I will make so many more mistakes through my life that I will learn from. That is why I ask others for their thoughts...so I can learn...LOL I may not always listen but I at least do my best...

We all must learn from our mistakes, hun. But, whenever possible, it's best to learn from someone elses.

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Zellarrone1
Hull, Humberside, England UK

Posted: Jun 6, 2008, 4:26 AM CST

tabyjean wrote:

He asked me if I've been with anyone else & I said no...He said he likes when a girl is faithful & he's down for his girl & asked if I would do that for him? Today will be 3 days & I haven't heard from him.

I understand he's been through a lot & has a lot going on but I'm wondering if this is a game he's playing or should I just be patient? Tell me what you think please...

I have only had the time to skim through the other posts. I have to agree with the majority of in this thread that he seems very controlling and trouble with a capital "T"...especially in the long term.

Sorry, I'm not familiar with the phrase "down for his girl" but if it means he went to jail for being violent to her or anything along those lines, then that's another valid reason for you to get rid of him before you become too deeply emotionally involved

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