Bitter women / altering advice?

HJFinAZ
Sun (Sin) CIty, Arizona USA

Posted: Jun 6, 2008, 6:09 PM CST

eve1woman wrote:

As most of you know me.. I see things in black and white, right and wrong.

Hi

very strange thread title for the subject of cheating when it is BOTH men and women who cheat...............

When a relationship suffers this kind of trauma I would like to think I would have compassion, understanding and support for the two people involved as it is a sad and sorry state for all concerned. I would try to be non judgemental as in reality I would have no rights to be so and would have no emotional involvement in same. No two people marry with the view to separate way down the line, sadly shit happens and their relationship suffers mainly in my opinion it can simply be down to bad communication skills at the best of times.

Couples grow apart for all sorts of reasons. Does not necessarily make them bad, malicious, evil, vindictive people as far as I am concerned it makes them very human. Ok, there are mean and messed up people who are self centered and destructive, I would like to think they are in the minority and if and when the likes of these people cheat they would be doing their partner a huge favour in the long run.

No one really knows what goes on inside any one given relationship, even the two involved might now quite understand how and why things pan out the way they do.......never black and white with human beings.....

human beings are very complex creatures and thrown together makes a strange mixes of complexes
some of these mixes work and some don't

DAMN!!!!!!!!!!! You one smart lady..

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rasgumby
Moberly, Missouri USA

Posted: Jun 6, 2008, 9:40 PM CST

eve1woman wrote:

As most of you know me.. I see things in black and white, right and wrong.

Hi

very strange thread title for the subject of cheating when it is BOTH men and women who cheat...............

When a relationship suffers this kind of trauma I would like to think I would have compassion, understanding and support for the two people involved as it is a sad and sorry state for all concerned. I would try to be non judgemental as in reality I would have no rights to be so and would have no emotional involvement in same. No two people marry with the view to separate way down the line, sadly shit happens and their relationship suffers mainly in my opinion it can simply be down to bad communication skills at the best of times.

Couples grow apart for all sorts of reasons. Does not necessarily make them bad, malicious, evil, vindictive people as far as I am concerned it makes them very human. Ok, there are mean and messed up people who are self centered and destructive, I would like to think they are in the minority and if and when the likes of these people cheat they would be doing their partner a huge favour in the long run.

No one really knows what goes on inside any one given relationship, even the two involved might now quite understand how and why things pan out the way they do.......never black and white with human beings.....

human beings are very complex creatures and thrown together makes a strange mixes of complexes
some of these mixes work and some don't

thanks for giving your opinion, but I cant agree.
Yes.. I would have compassion for the one being cheated on, because of the pain they are going through. but no compassion for the cheater.
In fact.. if the cheater were a friend.. that is also killed.
The way I see it.. Birds of a feather flock together.
if a man would cheat on his own wife.. he wouldn't think twice about sleeping with someone else's wife.. maybe even my GF/wife.
Not the kind of person I want as a friend. and I would in no way condone his actions.
You bet your bottom someones actions and morals helps decide if I want them as a friend!

I sorta agree with this statement..growing apart happens in many relationships. most time because they actually didn't take enough time to truly get to know each other in the first place.
However..the way to handle this would be either work it out or Leave.
NOT to cheat! break up.. and then find someone else if that is what you want.
but in My opinion (which is how I live my life- but not everyone) I can never trust a cheater because... this is like they are always on the look out for something better. as for me having compassion for the cheater.....NO FLIPPING way! how much compassion do they have for the one they are hurting so much by cheating on them?
That would be like being a gun collector or just a hunter, with a lot of guns.. then an old friend just got out of prison for shooting someone and he wants to move in with you...Just ain't going to happen.

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rasgumby
Moberly, Missouri USA

Posted: Jun 6, 2008, 9:40 PM CST

In a dream world...There are many! but as far as doing their partner a favor in the long run, by cheating on them.. NOT! They are still causing a lot of pain! a favor would be, to be honest.. if you can't control your sex drive just tell your partner,, I cant control it! Im leaving now so I don't cause you so much pain. add more to it... like.. Things just are not working out between us as I had hoped, And I feel it is best that I leave... and then leave and go find whatever it is you are looking for.
but not drag someone else through it all.
But there ARE many that are only concerned about them self and getting what they want and to hell with who gets hurt!

if someone cheated long ago and learned from it, no longer do it and dont try to make excuses.. that is a different story.
I am not saying a cheater is condemned for life.

but if someone was a cheater and then gets cheated on.. you have no real right to complain.. it is Karma coming back to you..

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rasgumby
Moberly, Missouri USA

Posted: Jun 6, 2008, 9:42 PM CST

What about some of the other questions....
If you have been cheated on and have not cheated yourself..............

how do you feel about someone that cheats?

is it really wrong to cheat?

what advice would you give to a cheater or to someone being cheated on?

Why or when do you feel that it is ok to cheat ?

Is it really a good enough reason to cheat just to say " I was / am in a bad relationship"?

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butterflowers
Asheville, North Carolina USA

Posted: Jun 8, 2008, 2:52 AM CST

my ex cheated on me when i was pregnant. i broke up.
but i learned in the last 18 years that cheating do not have to be the worse thing in the world. i think there are more bader things than cheating.
by than, when it was happend i where thinking the world breakes down.

civilized people like to control everything and we love to own peolpe with hair and skin and dickie and .... what ever.
if somebody cheats, that is for 90% of the humans the most biggest trustbreaking thing.

i think, if somebody cheat, he should keep it for him or her self. if this is happend just once..well...happend in hormonal flash.
i´m NOT for cheating at all and i never did, but it would not be the biggest thing for me now to soon break up.
if somebody is an notorious cheater, he just should TELL that and let the woman or man decide if they WANT to stay in an open relationship and they have to aczept if somebody is not willing. guess that lying part is the big thing.
cheaters if they do it all the time, just could be honest and say...well... i CAN not say no, i want them all... and let the other partner make an desission.

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Hugz_n_Kissez
Someplace, Ontario Canada

Posted: Jun 8, 2008, 2:55 AM CST

rasgumby wrote:

What about some of the other questions....
If you have been cheated on and have not cheated yourself..............

how do you feel about someone that cheats?

is it really wrong to cheat?what advice would you give to a cheater or to someone being cheated on?

Why or when do you feel that it is ok to cheat ?

Is it really a good enough reason to cheat just to say " I was / am in a bad relationship"?

I have been cheated on and know exactly how it feels....That is why I would never and have never cheated.....I would never put someone else in the position to feel the pain that comes with finding out your partner has cheated....the mistrust it breeda....the anger and heartache it brings.....

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AudrysSis
Riga, Riga Latvia

Posted: Jun 8, 2008, 2:58 AM CST

rasgumby wrote:

If someone has been cheated on I can obviously understand why you would be bitter!

That's their choice. They can be bitter, distrustful and feel sorry for themselves if they so wish, but I doubt it will help finding a new, wonderful relationship.

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j_goose71
Over there USA

Posted: Jun 8, 2008, 3:37 AM CST

rasgumby wrote:

What about some of the other questions....
If you have been cheated on and have not cheated yourself..............

how do you feel about someone that cheats?

is it really wrong to cheat?what advice would you give to a cheater or to someone being cheated on?

Why or when do you feel that it is ok to cheat ?

Is it really a good enough reason to cheat just to say " I was / am in a bad relationship"?

ooooo....Let me answer these, Ras....

1) Nothing but bitterness. There is no excuse. Period. Although it is entertaining when Karma hits them in the ass and they start the "woe is me" routine.

2) a)Yes, it's wrong to cheat. You COMMITTED to relationship. Get out of that relationship before starting a new one. b) Advice--well what makes you think they won't do it again? I mean, they got sick of the relationship and cheated. So when they get sick of the next one, what's to say they won't do the same thing? The advice would be to sweep them under the rug.

3) It's NEVER Ok to cheat.

4) NO!!!

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