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You can't ever go back once cheated on. I tried and it just doesn't work.

At least for me it didn't...


Move on and find someone with integrity who you can trust.

Hi Bonnie....

I agree......once someone has cheated on me then thats it over (only happened once)....the relationship is damaged and will never be the same again...jmo

Hi Carole--

very true!

Hope youre feeling better.....Scottish air (or was that whisky) not agree with you???

Well, I tired forgiving... giving numerous chances... and I was cheated on, again, and again, and again.... made me so bitter. I was so angry, and I still have a lot of anger, which hurts me, but I am learning little by little to let go... I focus so much on my kids, so not to think about the pain, that at points it feels like I am an ostrich with my head stuck in the sand, thinking that by not acknowledging the problem is going to go away...

I am not dealing with it... is there, lurking... one day I hope I will be able to deal.

I am not weakling, just human after all. And moving on, is easier said than done. Letting go and moving on, takes a while. But it is doable. Time. All it takes is time.

In my experience you can't go back i tried with my soon to be exwife but just the fact i am waiting on a paternity test reminds me there is nothing left i can't explain how hard its been to not be excited about possibly having a daughter and still at the birth having to wait 5 more days to know if she is mine.plus once they cheat they treat you like you are cheating because they have a guilty concience the way i look at it if they cheat they do not deserve you anyways so you should find someone who will love and be Faithful to you.

Yes.

I agree.
In my experience, once a cheater always a cheater. What really burned my arse was that, he made my life a living hell anyway by saying that I was going to retaliate against himby cheating on him. He took every chance he could to accuse me of cheating on him! WTF!

Anyways, that was a long time ago, and I learned my lesson......If he cheats, run away, far far away!

It is difficult to let go. You experience lots of emotions as you go through the process, especially pain. This is my belief that something is being worked out in you. You are learning an important lesson.
One of the most important lessons I ever learned is to listen very closely in the beginning and they will tell you all about them sleves. i do listen closely now. I know you make it through this process, I have been through it before, where I jost woke up one day and realized I had changed. I guess if nothing else it teaches us what we can change and what we cannot.

I have never been able to stay with a cheater, there is just a part of me that says no, I won't accept it. I choose to believe in a God or Higher Power that guides me through the process or journey called life, and I believe this Higher Power wants the best for us and wants us to feel valuable as we are. And I believe we can bring postive change into our own lifes with our own attitudes and beliefs. If we need to change our attitudes and beliefs, we are responsible. If someone is standing on your toes it hurts, but it is our responsibility to tell them to get off. We need to find our own strength to validate ourselves instead of needing a relationship. But still it is a process.
I would like to be strong enough in my next relationship to say, I don't love you because I need you. I need you because I love you. And love is wanting the best for the other and giving encouragement.

well said...

forgive a cheater?

no.

well.. maybe after shooting her dog, strangling her cat, shitting in her pillow case.. ..slashing the tires of the guy's car that she cheated with...

but now my buddy is in jail

the important thing is to not think there's something wrong with YOU and that's why he/she cheated. ..unless of course you're doing it too and if that's the case you've got nothing to bitch about.

cheating is the same as leaving you. There's nothing to forgive, he cheats, he's gone.


jmo

Cheating does hurt and forgetting it is very hard. I had it done to me 1st time in my marriage and I forgave her and we sought counseling. But soon it was more like she wanted me to forget. SO after 1 1/2 later she left me for a totally different guy (who has nothing and never graduated high school) She lives off of welfare and support now. I will never forget what she did (twice). I just hope I can find my happiness.

Funny I was with some friends yesterday and we were talking about forgiveness.

From the time I was a little girl, I took on the blame for everything that happened whether it was my fault or not. Including my parents divorce when my father was cheating on my mother.

It took many years for me to realize that not everything is my fault. Yes I do screw up sometimes and have had to ask for forgiveness for those things, but other than that I don't shoulder other peoples actions and take the blame for them. I had a husband that cheated on me, and I did forgive him and tried to work things out. When it happened again however, that was the last straw for me. I have forgiven him over time, but I have never forgotten.

The biggest hurdle for me has always been forgiving myself even in situations that I had no control over....It's the old "If only I had done this instead of that." Hindsight is 20/20 and when were in situations it's difficult to see the big picture and base choices on logic rather than emotions. As long as I am able to forgive myself, I can always forgive others, but it's a process and sometimes things take longer than we want them to.

Trust is never immediate, it takes time to build trust and it's earned and gained over time, it's not something that happens overnight. Each person is different from the other and we can't put everyone in the same categories. It would be like me saying that I can't trust a man that has a thin build with blonde hair and blue eyes or is named John because then it would mean that I would compare all those men to my ex husband and have contempt for them prior to investigation. Our past teaches us if we learn from it, but we can't base our present situations on our past, because we are not the same person we were then.

My sentiments exactly....One strike and you're outta here.....

Haven't read any posts on this thread.

Am simply answering the title question instinctively.

If u have been cheated on, then it means you have not provided the necessary chemicals for a realtionship.

there is something wrong and it's not working.

So I end it.

Forgive? Yes.

It' wasn't meant to be.

End of story.

I can forgive..but not forget

ummmm, i was cheated on once, those were the most pathetic eyes i have ever seen in my life, nor do i wish to see them again, nor would i wish them on anyone, they are the eyes of emptiness, thoughts that you thought were ya'lls? were not, thoughts that you thought would always be there? were not, no, i did forgive but forgetting is another thing, it is up to you to control weather you want to let it go as a lesson learned, not a main tool of life but a spare, you have to step up to the plate again in order to take a swing, if you don't take a swing then i am sad for you, for it is better in my opinion to have loved and lost than to have never ever loved at all because of fear, which i might add F.E.A.R.=Future Events Appear Real..........................it's there folks but it is all in how we deal with it, i am sorry you were cheated on, nobody deserves that, nobody.

Same here....Forgive and move on...not forgive and stay.....

you sweet thang you, nah i can't see you forgetting but i can see you forgiving, that is just what kind of person you are