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I was referring to the guy in your neighborhood just because of convenience, but if you are feeling generous........





most times that picture of you in the hat does it for me anyway

Willy I think his name is.....or was it willy action

haha lummy!

haha

Something I have no seen for sometiiiiime

ermmm.. Not*

even with your head in a fog your words are so eloquently put and i agree with every word....you can never know anothers full story or the real truth unless you have walked in their shoes...



i was taught if and when in judging a person remember there are 2 or 3 who are also judging you....

There you go assuming again.
Take a step back from your perceptions & read that again...

Do you even grasp who made the sacrifice?
They all have a better life now... and I bet you can't even tell who made the real sacrifice.
Don't assume anything about their situation. Just read what details are there.

Think about it again.
Switch the characters around in your head & try it from another perspective.

Haha me too.....any pics

thought you were going all Scottish on me there

I assumed nothing. I specifically said, based on what you have written alone. There are obviously more details. I stand by my statement. No parent should deprive their child of their time for something as trivial is money no matter the amount. If you are lucky enough to have children one day you will have a better handle on it.

each individual case is different, maybe not a good idea to make assumptions

Your premise is all about money...is the above the price of this kids sorrow in your mind? is it more or is it less?

First rule in therapy and counselling is listen to what the person is saying in front of you, not try to drown them in what you were taught i how to deal with people.

The main thing is being totally non judgemental and the stories i would here in the friends and family support networks would break your heart.

From alcoholics, junkies and victims of crime.....it was terrible.So i know how to listen, but on here people always react like their being insulted or talked down to and fly off the handle!!

I decided not to do counselling in the end as a career as i think it would have upst me too much in the end.So i decided to stop killing themselves or others on the roads and became a driving instructor instead.

I cant wait to qualify and have a life again.

The walk a mile in my shoes is always so relevant, and many would do well to remember that before going bezerk at someone!!

Have some nice cyber Jimmy Choos, i have a feeling your a girlie who loves a designer shoe when she sees one!

I have had children, thank you & understand those concepts clearly.
I have been a foster parent to children who suffered much worse than mere neglect.
But I digress...

You've made the assumption(which I saw the point of this thread to be) that a child is neglected of time with it's parent, just because they do not live with them... or are not in full time custody. You have to get to know each situation in order to grasp the uniqueness.
I am not trying to pick a fight with you & I apologize if it came across as such.
I am trying to get you to see that if you categorize & label the whole world, you will be missing some of the best parts.

Here are the details you would not have seen...
The mother gave up the child to the father. The had a peaceful relationship(that simply was not a marriage) & remain best friends to this day. Both the parents still go on long family vacations with this child & spend as close to equally shared time as possible. The job she was offered involved traveling to other countries so custody would not have been fair to the child. After 1 yr, her sacrifices allowed her to sit as a chair person to a major name company & now she only travels when needed. By having the father take custody, all three of them now live more of a perfect family life then they would have ever have had. If she had taken custody, he might have bought a bar or a small business by now & be working long hours to keep it afloat... unable to spend nearly the amount of time with their child as he is now. She would still be someone's assistant & her hours would be so long, the child would grow more comfortable with babysitters than the parents.

This is only one example of how you simply can not assume things about people based on a handful of generic categories.

You have your own biases & they will guide your choices... but just remember, you may have passed up on a fairytale just because it looked like a dumb story about a toad.

there are obviously missing details. If they have all this money, why don't they move the father and child to be near the mother? Why doesn't the mother hire someone to run the business....something does not fit...


I guess...to best articulate my position I should explain my feelings about divorce. I remember when my first child was born and one of my earliest thoughts when passing him to his mom was, how can anyone get divorced and deprive a child of the anything that could risk their ultimate happiness. There is a radio psychologist that argues divorce is only acceptable in the case of one of the 3 "A"s. Addiction , Adultery and/or Abuse. I saw my wife through Addiction early on and Adultery later and would not fold on my kids happiness (that is the Scottish in me!).

Anyway..when people talk about a marriage "dissolving" or people "falling out of love" to me it just SCREAMS...SELFISH. Marriage is a life long commitment...get some feckin therapy and if it don't work get some more. Love for me is a choice and not always an easy one....but in the end, having the courage to work through it with an eye on all its ruin affects, is 10000 times more rewarding than trying to get a better deal somewhere else. We have become a society rich with pansies.

Me either spicey. I hope I did not hurt you. This is obviously a very touchy subject for me. She visits once a month or so for a few days and I have to watch my kids' little hearts break all over again when she leaves and pick up the pieces.

Now that have given you the details to this family, can you see how you picked one point to focus on & missed out completely on the bigger picture?

When someone immediately zips to one point, it is often that issue that they struggle with as a person. You missed the truth of the matter and over emphasized the details that caught your eye. If you are approaching relationships with this same mindset, this might be a good time to ask yourself ...
"how's that working for you?"


Again, I'm simply sharing what I see... not attacking you.
I hope you can understand that.

I know this is slightly out of the norm.. but have you considered making her visits further apart.. and ,maybe for shorter time?

I know that's a biggy.. but it's also less traumatic for the kids.

Yes...there was some assumption their. In fairness to me, however, I specifically mentioned based on what you wrote ALONE and what you wrote was all about money.

She may even agree to that herself?