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there not their....Ugh..I hate when people do that!!

it's a mistake.. we all make them

See mine sometimes!

thanks sweetie but, I am of the rare breed of woman that prefers to go barefoot or wear thongs but I thank you
relevant so true I was a nurse and have seen the results of what you are speaking of before they get to the therapeutic aspect and as you so empathetically state...the stories can be heartbreaking...in a world that is so devoted to judging without looking in the mirror before doing so it only contributes to the problem .....hope your feelin better soon ....

I have thought about a lot of different iterations of it. There is a lot of contradictory advice on the subject.

I just know from experience with mine.. they were actually Better.. (less hurt).. when he couldnt (be arsed to) see them as often.

Thanks

Just to allow you to gain more perspective...
The two parties have homes close to each other. They have a vacation home as well. The mother does not have the option of hiring someone to run the fortune 500 company she works for. It doesn't work that way.

I know you have massive emotional scars & I kindly respect your rights to deal with those issues in whatever way you feel fit... but you could try to see things as they are, instead of filtering them. We all have this as a daily struggle, myself included. To be able to simply look at the available information without injecting suppositions... well, it takes practice.

Radio personalities selling their time aren't going to give you a standard of answer that applies to every single situation. Just as Freud wasn't 100 % accurate in some of his concepts about blame and sex. Your personal beliefs are just that... yours. You can not expect the entire population of people going through divorce to adhere to your concepts. That would be hypocritical. You would never blindly follow the standards to a stranger, just because it suited their needs, now would you? So you can not expect it from others.

You made valiant efforts to save a marriage that ended up dissolved in the end. It is unfortunate and possibly unfair all around... but it done. How long you bear an open wound from the past is going to be under no one's control but your own.
Personally, I would like to see you be able to pour your vast energies into a loving relationship... and I hope you can get to that point unhindered by the past.

Your situation bears an uncanny similarity to the one I found myself in with the older foster child I took in. His mother was allowed very limited visits, supervised mind you... and I agreed to it.
They became so spread out & she had begun to skip out on them in the end.
Eventually, her calls to announce her coming were more damaging than if she had simply hit her son with a stone.
It took a court order & a ton of evidence(not to mention almost all my saving spent on shrinks) to have her parenting right s permanently removed. It allowed everyone to move on & old wounds to heal.

...ironically, she never contested any part of the case.


I hope your situation isn't like this but if it is, let it pass quickly.

at least she was honest..and did not harm the kids, like so many nothers we see that kills all of the kids.

I'm sure there are some women who fight just as hard and are also good parents, but the children should go to the best parent - some times that is the father - like you.

In almost all cases you wont get the truth if you ask her!
They will say whatever lands them a man.
I don't think any will tell you that they lost their kids because of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, child abuse, because they went to prison or so on...

some actually have good reasons...but you have no way on knowing who is telling the truth and who isn't.

there are a lot of reazon for a mother not having her kidz ( orry my keyboard iz on the fritz I have one letter that juzt wont work zo I am uzing z. ) OMG. Any way, it could be that zhe kidz might have wanted to be with there dad, and he might have been unelfizh enough to let them. thiz i jut an example that all thingz may not be the way you zee them. I would zay if you zee zomeone you could get an intrezt in, azk them, judge by the anzwer and not zomething from a pre written choice anzwer.
And don't judge me for my typing, God it lookz like I type with an acczent.

hahah! thats so funny.. you are writing like my teens texts..

haha.. Spreken ze deutch?

too darn funny..... thatz zo hard to read! and my zpell checker iz going crazy

I'm sorry that you had to deal with this, but not all women that list they don't have their children with them are all bad.

I have been in this situation with my ex who painted this horrible picture of me in our custody case to where I almost lost my children due to his lying. Everyone thinks that women will automatically get the children in a divorce/custody situation...not always. There are always 3 sides to a story the Husband's, Wife's and the Judges decision. In my case I ended up hiring a very expensive cut throat attorney and 2 years of my life proving that I was a good parent and that these were all lies do to my ex's infidelity and strange reality of having his children blending with his new girlfriend later wife.

In the end I did get primary custody, but it took heaven and hell to get to this point. So please don't judge until you've heard why they don't have their children.

Zorry guyz thiz iz zo fruztrating! I feel like I am typing with my teeth nocked out!

plus the
mother may live 2 doors down, so you can't really tell from. my kids live with me but stay over with my husband a couple nights a week.
physically this is not good for them- it's all videos, sweets, junk food, expensive play areas,and not much talk so basically babysitting rather than parenting.
A little bit of me thinks they would be better off not seing him, but when i hear how they love him and can't wait to see him, for whatever reasons, nothing could make me do that to them

Great feedback Gypsy Thanks!! I think anyone that close to disney should have custody by default

I beg your pardon, but when they were on the altar saying their vows it was not MY concepts there were obligating themselves to adhere to.