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Wow Gilly, that is a very interesting and thought provoking guestion. Tell you what I'll do. I think about it and get back to it later. I really don't know right now.

PART 2



"ITS GREAT TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THE PULSE OF THE GRASS ROOTS "

another oneliner i got from the film ' uptown saturday night "

( just means nice talking to people with their feet on the ground )!

by the way has your feet ever left the ground ?...cos thats another mistake that i made in my life ... that will happened again ! ( i'll tell you the story behind that ...why it happened...and what i learnt from that another time !



because my mother taught me something very important after my world crumbled back then !



anyway your kids father sound slike he was nightmare to live with !

1....when did all this gambling start then ? ..and what did he use to gamble on ?

2. did you use to gamble as well ?

3. how did he get on with the kids before things started going wrong ?

4. do the kids still like him ?

5. how did it screw up the kids then ?

6. why did you decide to take him back ?...did you still love him ?

7. another one of my biggest mistakes in life was turning back to ' get my kid ' thinking

" OH WELL THE RELATIONHIP IS OVER BUT NOBODIES GONNA STOP ME BEING A FATHER TO THE KID "

that was one huge mistake girl !!!

8. another mistake was thinking that my son would end up being and thinking like me !



9.do your kids think like you or like their father ?

10. mind you one thing good that i like about my son is that he wears his heart on his sleeve ...and you always know where he's coming from ...which is always better than having to listen to 'plaxtic people '



those days are over for me !

END OF PART 2 ..PART 3 TO FOLLOW

hi emanuella !

hey you're somebody thats really talking reelman !..looking forward to talking to you !



chat anytime buddy !

I get on brilliantly with my in-laws.. (or Outlaws as I like call them now) haha.. I'm very close to them still after all these years. Still socialise together.. still hang out together for family birthdays and all that.. and still go to them for Christmas dinner, go out for days out.. Sunday dinners out and all that kind of thing.... They are funny kind generous thoughtful lovely caring people.

They treat me like their own daughter.. and still tell people I am their daughter in law.
They have been involved in all our family counselling things.. (for my children) They have alwasy backed and supported me. and will ALWAYS help me with anything.

I have been absolutely blessed with having brilliant Outlaws..

I couldnt have asked for better.

BUT!!... as much as I love them.. It's not in the way I love my own parents.. well my dad.. (my mum passed away a few years ago) .. but for me.. it's still a different kind of love.

Which reminds me.. I need to call my mother 'Outlaw' as she is doing the curtains for my new bedroom..

This might be a cop out of some sorts but mistakes seems to be a very broad topic.

However for "regrets", I have a few of those.

We all make mistakes and IMO mistakes are just a part of life.

Did you mean to say "regrets" instead of mistakes?

look forward whenever you're ready to talk mistakes or regrets buddy !

anyway your kids father sounds like he was nightmare to live with !

He was..

1....when did all this gambling start then ? ..and what did he use to gamble on ?

I didn't know it when I married him.. but I later found out, he had had a big gambling problem since he was 13.. in the Arcades.. but as he got older it just became MUCH bigger. He used to gamble on anything, especially card games... But I do remember there was a machine where we worked that would pay out £250 ($500) if you hit the jackpot.. and he played it constantly.. occasionally he would win.. but more often than not he would lose weeks and WEEKS of wages in advance because he would borrow from his bosses and lose it all in the machine. From what I know .. he is having MAJOR problems on-line poker now and has been losing £500 ($1000) a time. (as well as a newly found cocaine habit I hear)

2. did you use to gamble as well ?

No.. I never liked gambling in the first place.. I like to know where my money IS - I don't even gamble when I go to Vegas each year. Which reminds me.. he went for the first time this past December.. and lost £6000 ($12000) then too.

3. how did he get on with the kids before things started going wrong ?

Not very well.. he wasn't ever really interested in the kids.. He would always rather be somewhere else. I only remember him bathing one of them once. to give you an idea.

4. do the kids still like him ?

No not really.. they have a lot of issues with him tho. My eldest (16 almost) son thinks he is a worthless nothing. Doesn't believe a word he says.. and takes it with a pince of salt. My daughter (13) is getting over it (6yrs later!) and is beginning to feel the same as her older brother.. though occasionally she will break down and get very upset about it all. .. and my youngest son (12) thinks his dad is sh*t.. and why does HE have the worlds (his words) worst dad.. he thinks his dad doesn't love him.. care about him.. etc etc. and is VERY angry about it all.. He desperately wants a GOOD dad. (he has a lot of counselling.. and a lot of issues still going) He has just been expelled from school number FOUR!

5. how did it screw up the kids then ?

He was moody all the time.. (usually because he was freaking out about how much money he has just lost) He spent most of the time drunk.. was violent aggressive abusive and a whole list of other stuff.. to me and the kids.. He was a BIG bully.. and ruled us with a rod of iron. The children saw, heard and experienced a lot of things children should never ever seen. It forced them to grow up very quickly and they have missed an awful lot of childhood fun memories. They have a lot of sadness.

6. why did you decide to take him back ?...did you still love him ?

I took him back the first time I managed to get him out... at that time the children were still VERY young.. and not TOO much had happened then. I took him back because he hassled and begged me for weeks and in the end it was easier to just let him come back.. (so I thought) I cant remember if I still loved him then.. maybe.. I just hoped to believe what he was saying about being so sorry etc. (as we often do when we stay).. but it was the BIGGEST mistake of my life.


9.do your kids think like you or like their father ?

The older two think like me.. but my youngest son.. the one most effected.. he TRIES to think like me.. but sometimes he swings off in the opposite direction. (which is what we are still working on)

PART 3

before i answer your replies ( that i haven't read yet )!

here's question no

11. how did it damaged the children and whats the councilling like then ?

12. i've had councilling to unravel all knids of childhood shit ... cost me a forune ( in fact at one stage i wanted to buy shares in my pychiatrist )!



13.by the way what do you think about amy winehouse ..and all her problems ?....are they the type of people that always come out with the best lyrics because they're fu** up ?

14. and also what do you think about black people asking to see a black pychiatrist ?



( i'm not one of them by the way )!

15. what happend about the gambling debt

16. do you know what type of man you're suited to know ?

17. are any of your kids extra sensitive as a result of what happened ?

18.tell you another huge mistake i made was thinking that because you're part of a company /corporation / group / establishment etc ..and that people are nice freindly and smile at you everyday ...that those people are you're freinds !



tell you stories about that ...that cost me dearly another time !

19. another mistake i made in the early stage of my life was to think because people like you when you get into trouble that they'll be loads of people queing up to bail you out !



20. last but not least ..like me do you think you needed to learn these things about life the hard way for it to ' SHAPE THE NEW STRONGER WISER YOU '




OR WAS IT SIMPLY SHIT YOU GAINED NOTHING FROM ...AND COULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT ?

lLike me do you think you needed to learn these things about life the hard way for it to ' SHAPE THE NEW STRONGER WISER YOU '

yeah absolutely.. for ME.. I don't regret it.. it made me a much stronger wiser person, and taught me a lot about myself.. My strengths and weakness.. many I never even knew I had. So no, for me.. I don't regret it.

But for my children, I regret it enormously. It hasn't taught them ONE single good thing.. just a trillion bad things... and if there are a magic button to turn back the clock I would do it in a heart beat.

ANSWERS PART 1.



well done for still getting on with them !..its great when that happens !

i always enjoyed my in laws company more than my own parents company because my parents were too reserved ..not very broadminded ! simple A B C types and spent more time talking at you!.. instead of listening to what you had to say ...and talking to you!



her parents were ' more relaxing people to chill out and have a laugh with ' ..because they were more open..unreserved...and more fun as people to relate to !



i went round to a freinds house on thursday, and loved the way their 18 year old nephew was relating to my freinds mother in her early sixies ( JUST CALL HER AUNTIE )! it was as if if they were best freinds and that there was no age difference between them !



instead of having to pretend that you're somebody that you're not and having to behave in a completely ' unatural ' way because

'you're front of your parents' ..who never get to know the real you ...just the you they want to know !

that old westindian victorian value is a load of all bollocks as far as i'm concerned



END OF PART 1

ANSWERS TO PART 2

"I didn't know it when I married him.. but I later found out, he had had a big gambling problem since he was 13.. in the Arcades.. but as he got older it just became MUCH bigger. He used to gamble on anything, especially card games... But I do remember there was a machine where we worked that would pay out £250 ($500) if you hit the jackpot.. and he played it constantly.. occasionally he would win.. but more often than not he would lose weeks and WEEKS of wages in advance because he would borrow from his bosses and lose it all in the machine. From what I know .. he is having MAJOR problems on-line poker now and has been losing £500 ($1000) a time"

1. ANOTHER BIG MISTAKE I MADE IN MY LIFE ABOUT 25 YEARS AGO WAS GETTING HOOKED ON GAMBLING FRUIT MACHINES !



THE MOST I LOST THEN WAS £ 60 ENGLISH POUNDS IN ONE DAY !

THAT WAS A LOT OF MONEY THEN FOR A £2 ENGLISH POUNDS JACKPOT !



thats one thing i'm glad that i came out of there and then !

did he use to believe in lucky charms and stuff ?

his boss must have been crazy to keep lending him money all the time ...did'nt he see what it was doing to him ?

i've got a freind who's a full time telephone gambling councillor that has to listen to it all for 40 hours a week girl ( mind you having to live with it is another story ) ! it must make you so angry ...especially knowing that there's nothing you can do about it .

that online gambling must be a nightmare for the partners of some people



at least which betting shop and casinos they ' GET OUT THE HOUSE '

2. " No.. I never liked gambling in the first place.. I like to know where my money IS - I don't even gamble when I go to Vegas each year. Which reminds me.. he went for the first time this past December.. and lost £6000 ($12000) then too. "

where does he get all the money from ? is he rich ?..what line of work is he in then ?



3.

how did he get on with the kids before things started going wrong ?

" Not very well.. he wasn't ever really interested in the kids.. He would always rather be somewhere else. I only remember him bathing one of them once. to give you an idea."

WHAT WAS HE LIKE AS PARTNER WITHOUT THE GAMBLING AND ALCOHOL ?

or

4. i bet your last child turns out to be an interesting character with lots to say for himself ( that most probally end up designing bridges or something )!



the last ones always do ! by the way did you see that film ' down and out in beverly hills ' starring nick nolte and bette middler ..when bet middler took the dog to the dog pychiatrist ? that was soooo funny




my own son is another story in it self !

5. how often ( if ever ) do the children see their father then ? and what do they do with their father ? does he spend time with them and buy them things ?



END OF PART 2 PART 3 TO FOLLOW

When I was only 16 and knew everything.. I got married.
found out that I knew next to nothing.
But it gave me the insight to speak to other kids that are thinking about getting married so early.

one big regret is leaving texas and moving back to Scotland- i had a great life- worked nly 3 nights a week, but made good $$, had a nice apt., lots of friends, good weather, etc but my family thought it was time'i stopped living a holiday life and setled down and bought a flat' etc.....
another is switching my major at university from psychology- which i lved- to zoology- which my dad was a lecturer in at the same uni-, and hating it.

what i learned was you have to live your life for yourself, not others.

i regret not making a move from my marriage sooner, but none knows if it would have been better or worse for the kids if they had been younger.

ANSWERS PART 3.

5. how did it screw up the kids then ?

" He was moody all the time.. (usually because he was freaking out about how much money he has just lost) He spent most of the time drunk.. was violent aggressive abusive and a whole list of other stuff.. to me and the kids.. He was a BIG bully.. and ruled us with a rod of iron. The children saw, heard and experienced a lot of things children should never ever seen. It forced them to grow up very quickly and they have missed an awful lot of childhood fun memories. They have a lot of sadness."



THAT DOES'NT SOUND LIKE MUCH FUN !

i've got a freind who's an alcoholic ..who's completely dependant on his wife !...the abuse that she has to put up with when he's drunk and demands more alcohol is a story in itself girl !...but to have to put up with alocohlism , bullying, abuse, whilst he's gambling away all the my money ..whilst you're trying to raise three children around him must have been premium grade shit !!!



i suppose was quite lucky as a child because even though i had a fu** up childhood ( because i was always fearfull of my father )! he was'nt a bad man like your kids father !

he never drank , gambled , smoked, bullied as such, or was abusive .

he was a very reponsible man !..but i just did'nt get on with him from the day i was born ( which can be a real problem if someones in charge of you until you pluck up the courage and tell them what you really think about them ....which can take years to do girl )!



did you find that you got more confident as you got older or just waited for the right time to say " right thats it ..its over "



END OF PART 3

mistakes......gee Ive made many

some Ive learnt from and never repeated...

some I repeated more than once and am still working on......

its all a learning curve......

a saying I like is.......learn from other peoples mistake because you dont have enough time to make them all yourself.

Gilly..

rivame !

the biggest mistake.......

can only think of one.


living to much of my life being what others want and trying to please them. though I don regret it, it was a learning experience and helped to make me who I am now.


what I learned..... be yourself always if someone dont like it you dont need them around.

live your live for you, you will be happier in the end.

ANSWER TO PART 4

6. why did you decide to take him back ?...did you still love him ?

" I took him back the first time I managed to get him out... at that time the children were still VERY young.. and not TOO much had happened then. I took him back because he hassled and begged me for weeks and in the end it was easier to just let him come back.. (so I thought) I cant remember if I still loved him then.. maybe.. I just hoped to believe what he was saying about being so sorry etc. (as we often do when we stay).. but it was the BIGGEST mistake of my life. "

DO YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT MAKING THAT MISTAKE CLAAYER ?



i would'nt because that happens to the best of us



because deep down inside we wish , hope , or pray that something will happent to change that person into the persopn we want them to be and hold on for as long as we can waiting for it to happen girl !



9.do your kids think like you or like their father ?

" The older two think like me.. but my youngest son.. the one most effected.. he TRIES to think like me.. but sometimes he swings off in the opposite direction. (which is what we are still working on) "

to be honest with you claayer another big mistake i made in my life was putting all my eggs in one basket



i'll talk to you about that another time